Kickstitch
by Rivers Dean
Summary: Billy loves Jane and Jane loves who? All plot lines continued after season 1-get your fix of Jane and Billy here.
1. Chapter 1

Kickstich

**Chapter 1: Pilot**

**Jane **

A sewing machine only really needs two stitches: the straight stitch and the zig-zag stitch. My machine was my mothers'. Other machines have a plethora of fancy functions and stitches, but mine only boasts these two. It's practical. Like my mother was, says Ben.

The thing about a straight stitch is that it must actually be….straight. My machine is so old it can hardly do that. The needle wiggles and the bobbin clatters round in its holder. It produces a crooked, loosely threaded line. Those stitches that are particularly off I must pull out by hand. I call them kickstiches. A detour from the straight, perfect path. A cumbersome mess.

My life is kind of like that right now. I have made so many mistakes lately, and I may be about to make another one—another kickstich.

* * *

><p><strong>Setting: Right after the 10th episode and finale of season 1 of Jane by Design. India is fired. Jeremy is revealed to be a mole. Nick and Jane break up because Nick cheated (on presumption, but still.) Lulu and Billy broke up because of Jane. Ben and Rita are still….friends. Grey is her elegant self, and we still haven't seen Donovan yet. The biggest plot line of all is Jane. Who will she chose? Jeremy, who's just proclaimed his, er, interest, or her best friend, who hasn't quite gotten past the words 'It's you, Janey,' yet?<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I could feel the harsh city air burning through my chest as I gasped for another breath. My sneakers squeaked across the slick backstage floors as I whizzed past the now-darkened set of the fashion show. Stop. I backed up a few paces, and there she was. She looked so small now. Her head was bent, her shoulders drooped. I called out to her weakly, and could barely recognize my own voice. "Janey!"

She turned at the sound of her name, and I saw the world in her eyes—all her vulnerable innocence and excitement from the evening brimming full with emotion, and now surprise, at seeing me.

"Billy?"

"Hey."

"What's going on? What happened at court today, are they gonna-"

"I'll be fine," I could hear myself saying. "I just—need to tell you something, Janey." I could feel a grin creeping on my face. I couldn't help it.

With a bound, I was up on the runway, facing her.

"I really have no idea how to say this, so, I'm just gonna say it." I stepped towards her.

"What's going on?" she repeated. And there was fear in her eyes. For a moment I hesitated. Then I realized this was my only chance.

"It's you, Janey."

The moment was perfect. She stared at me and all I wanted to do was kiss her. But the moment passed, and we were interrupted.

"Jane?" I knew instantly this was Jeremy, the guy Jane had gushed about from the beginning. And I knew in a second that my chances had just diminished. I couldn't look at him. I stole a glance at her. She looked so confused, divided, pained. And as much as I realized how much I loved her, it tore me up inside to see her like this.

I shakily ran a hand through my hair and let out a sigh of defeat. " You know what, never mind. I….gotta go." Numbly I pushed past her, past Jeremy, the hunk who had her heart. I was angry at the world. I had bared my emotions only to have them thrown in my face. It was clear Jane would pick him over me. There was no contest.

I ran all the way home, swiping at the strange wetness that kept seeping from my eyes, not bothering to care about anything else but pushing myself homeward. I guess it was done, then. I'd just ruined our friendship. We'd never be the same again.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I could love Jeremy, yes. He made me feel like the adult I was pretending to be. But I loved my best friend more. But I'd never thought about it like _that. _I guess my conflicted emotions must have shown. I guess I looked so pained when Billy split that Jeremy decided it best to back off. He begged me to ponder what he'd said, then left hurriedly, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

But what were my thoughts? As I sat down on the runway and gazed across all the now empty seats, I couldn't make any sense at all of the feelings raging inside me. The biggest question was, why? Why had Billy done what he did? Why now?

Suddenly it occurred to me. He was leaving.

* * *

><p>Billy didn't show at school the next day. In fact, he wasn't there for the remainder of the week. I walked to school with Ben each day, and each day braved the cafeteria for a sign of my best friend. But he never showed. He didn't pick up his phone. I went to his apartment, but no one was home. Finally, on Friday, I caught sight of Tommy, exiting Rita's office. He saw me clattering towards him in my loud stilettos.<p>

"Where is he?" I gasped, tackling him before he could escape.

He shook me off casually, and I struggled to maintain my balance.

"He loved you, you know." I was shocked so see that Tommy—drunken fool and criminal of a brother Tommy—was serious. But before I could respond, he went on with a shrug.

"He's just going to Juvie for a few months. Nothing much. I'm sure you won't miss him."

"What?" I sputtered. "Why?"  
>"Why do you think?" Tommy turned and stalked off.<p>

I stood there in the hall, oblivious as class let out all around me. I was startled when Rita pulled me into her office.

"Billy's court date didn't go as well as hoped," she explained.

I sank into a chair. "He said he was fine."

"He was just trying to protect you, I'm sure." She handed me a tissue sympathetically, but I declined. I was in too much shock to cry. Not now. The tears would surely come later.

"How long will he be gone?" I asked in a small voice, not believing for an instant Tommy's words.

Rita gave a small smile. "Only a month."

I could feel nothing. I nodded.

"You can visit him," Rita assured me, answering the question in my head. "He's leaving tomorrow morning," she finished dismissively, rising from her seat.

I rose too, and followed Rita as she lead me to the door. "He'll be fine, Jane. A little shaken up, but he'll still be the same guy when he comes back."

"No he won't!" I wanted to scream. But I kept my feelings pent up in my heart. No one would know about that.

* * *

><p>Saturday morning found me sitting on Billy's step at dawn, like he had done so many countless times for me. When the door finally opened, my arms were around his neck before he could even speak.<p>

"Jane?" He sputtered.

"You can't go!" I sobbed into his shoulder.

For a while we stood there, as I surrendered my emotions and he held me in his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

It took her a while to calm down. She must have been upset for a long time to have broken down like this. We sat down together on the step, just as the pinkish rays punctured the city sky with brilliant streaks of color. I gave her my back pocket kerchief, and cradled her as she composed herself. I didn't trust myself to speak.

"Don't go," she pleaded at me, with her large doe eyes.

"I don't exactly have a choice," I muttered.

"I can't do this without you!" she pleaded.

We'd had this conversation before. "You'll be fine," I reassured her. "Just like when you and I had a fight and didn't speak to each other for days."

"That was different. You hated me then."

"I did not! I just didn't know how to talk to you. To apologize."

"Plus, it's not the same thing. You're my best friend. We need each other."

"That really what I am to you?" I cocked an eyebrow.

She didn't meet my gaze, and I looked away and scoffed. "I get it."  
>"No, Billy, don't be like that-"<p>

"What'd you tell him?"

"Who?"

"That dude."

"Jeremy? I didn't tell him anything."

"But you didn't say no," I said, hurt.

"I told him I would think about it." Jane jutted out her chin defiantly.

"Why are you really here?" I turned and looked at her, steadily. "You can't keep me from leaving, you know that."

She chewed her lip, thinking. "What do you feel for me?"  
>I sighed and stood up, dragging my suitcase behind me, clunking down the steps. I loaded it into the trunk of Tommy's car, and slammed the back down. I turned and almost collided with Jane. Shaking my head, I scooped her up by the waist and set her on top.<p>

"Listen carefully," I instructed her as I knelt on the hard asphalt. She simply stared at me, her lips parted.

"I've been your sidekick for eleven years. I've supported you, lied for you, and done all sorts of crazy stuff to make you happy. But the judge didn't like me, Janey. He's sending me away. And Tommy made me realize that you're the only one I really ever loved."

"Tommy?"

I nodded. "Crazy, huh? Dude's good for something. Janey, this is my last chance. I don't wanna say it, but could you ever love this?"

She couldn't speak, and I knew why.

"Didn't think so."

I tried to nurse my split heart as I climbed into the car and drove away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Date Night**

**Jane**

For those first few days, I tried to forget about Billy. At school, I kept to myself, trying to become invisible again like I had been at the beginning of the year. I avoided Lulu, Harper, and most of all, Nick. Between classes and during lunch, I'd find myself lingering in the hallways, unable to find solace in the gaping space that used to be Billy. His locker looked so lonely, without its door clumsily gaping open, revealing all the pictures of the two of us pinned inside.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't just forget about him. Billy had been by my side for too many years, my lifeline for the past tortuous years of high school. I felt lost without him.

At work, things were better. I tried to follow Gray's instructions by eradicating any remaining shred of a personal life I had left. She gave me projects. I delivered. There was more to do now that India was gone. And as I scurried around Donovan Decker with my various assignments, I often spotted Jeremy looking melancholy, staring into space. India's absence had affected him. It had cast a shadow over that newfound spark of passion in his work he had said I had created.

It was two weeks after Billy's incarceration that I ventured into his studio. The door was open, and I strode in.

"Hey, Jeremy."

"Hello, Jane." His tone was dismissive. He raised an eyebrow but didn't look up from his work. He was draping a mannequin.

I tried again. "So, how have you been?"

"I've been better." He continued to pin a liquid jersey with ruched detailing.

"So, I was thinking I may just take you up on that offer."

"Is that so?" Jeremy finally put his pins down, and looked at me.

"Yeah…" I wasn't quite sure what he was looking for.

A sarcastic smile played at his lips. "So that's it, then? You ignore me for two weeks and then decide I'm worth a shot?"

"Jeremy," I started. "It's not like that at all!"

"I bet you were occupied with that other guy."

I gasped. "Since when have you been jealous of who I see?"

He sighed, and suddenly, all his bitterness was gone. "I'm sorry, Jane. It's just that I put my heart out on the line for you, and you sort of just….walked away from it."  
>I answered carefully. "I never told you no. And for your information, I've not been with 'that other guy'. Let's just say…he's a convicted criminal." The words burned like acid on my tongue, and I willed myself to keep my emotions in check, where they belonged. Billy was far from that, but how else could I get Jeremy to believe me?<p>

His eyebrows shot up, and suddenly color rushed to his pale cheeks. "I'm sorry, Jane. I really am." He was embarrassed now. Great.

"No, no, it's ok. It's totally fine." This was awkward. "So, are you still up for that date?"  
>Ne smiled and nodded. "Sure. How about we go somewhere tonight, after work?"<p>

I grinned. "Perfect. I'll come down to your studio after Gray's done with me."

I swished out of the studio, my tulle skirt swirling around me. I felt victorious.

"Can't wait!" Jeremy called.

* * *

><p>The rest of the afternoon was spent hurrying around the city, doing errands for Gray. She finally released me at eight that night, and I fluttered down to Carter's stylist closet for a quick wardrobe change. Jeremy had already told him the news.<p>

"Someone needs a date dress!" He wiggled his eyebrows, and I laughed, trying to ignore the pang in my stomach. Billy did the same thing. _But he's not here now, _I told myself. I forced myself to forget.

Carter apparently had already thought this one through; he had a rack full of possible options to try.

"What look are you going for tonight?" He asked me, even though he already knew my personal style to a T.

"I was thinking a bit more sexy," I started out slowly. Even the word sent prickles down my spine. I'd always been the tame, innocent, cute Jane. But I was going out with Jeremy. He was so much older than I was. I didn't want to look like a girl next to a man.

Carter stifled a snicker and handed me a Versace gown with their signature plunging neckline. I gulped and began to strip. The dress, once on, dropped all the way to my navel. "I don't know, Carter," I mused, unsure. "It seems a little too…J Lo 2002 awards, if you know what I mean."

"Of course." Carter had other options too.

I glanced through the rack of long couture gowns and stopped in front of one slinky Marchesa number. It was a strapless with a sweetheart neckline, with a defined waist and layers of dreamy organza. The shade was a deep emerald green. "It's perfect," I breathed.

"Girl, it's also too long," Carter said sympathetically.

"Can I cut it?" I ventured.

"It's couture. Are you insane?" He looked at me like I was.

But as I examined the hem and lining of the skirt, I got an idea. "Can I baste this?"  
>Carter looked unsure for a moment, but then he shrugged. "I picked this out for Grey, but she doesn't like it. Go ahead, I guess. Just be careful."<p>

My mind was already racing with alteration options. "I will," I answered absently.

Several minutes later, I had shortened the skirt by pinning it to the waistband on the inside. The result was a mini length bubble skirt with a dramatic volume of filmy organza. As Carter zipped me in, picked out a pair of nude Christian Louboutin pumps and a clear Vera Wang belt to accentuate my slim waist. Carter stopped me. "Na-uh. Put the belt back," he commanded in his superior stylist tone.

I laughed at him. "Why? It completes the outfit!" But even as I said this I saw in the mirror what he was talking about. I sighed.

"You know what Coco says…the key to accessorizing is taking off the last thing you put on." Carter was satisfied.  
>I returned the belt.<p>

I returned to the mirror and realized for the first time that the bodice was quite snug, and quite a bit more cleavage was showing than I had intended. "Do you think it's ok?" I asked Carter. He shrugged. "If you take off your bra, you won't have a wardrobe slip."

I removed my pushup and immediately exhaled in relief. Problem solved. My décolletage was elegantly covered.

Just then, Jeremy rapped on the open door. "Can I come in?"  
>I gasped a little, and spun around to face him.<p>

"Wow. You look…marvelous." His eyes strayed downward and back up again. He stepped up to me and, with one hand around my waist, escorted me out the door. I had just enough time to turn back and mouth a 'thank you' to Carter.

* * *

><p>Jeremy had reserved seats for us at one of the fanciest Italian restaurants in town. I was simply grateful we weren't dining French, after what happened last time with our important Japanese client. The waiter seated us at one of the best tables near the window, overlooking the bustling streets of the city. I gazed upon it, now lit up with a thousand glittering lights.<p>

"You're looking quite lovely tonight," Jeremy murmured smoothly, interrupting my requiem and making me blush prettily. "Thanks," I acknowledged. "You…don't look so bad yourself."

"So," he said, with a new businesslike tone affecting his voice, "Are you ready?"

"For…what?" I was confused.

He laughed. "For a promotion, Jane!"

With my blank stare he continued. "Now that India's gone, Gray's looking for a replacement."  
>"Oh, that. I-I thought she was interviewing for that."<p>

Jeremy leaned forward. "That may be so, but we all know you're her first option. Face it, she trusts you more than she ever did India. Plus, it also has to do with office—"

"—politics," I finished wearily. I'd heard this before.

"Yes! Gray is still upset about India's betrayal. She's not about to bring someone in from the outside anytime soon."

I tried to nod understandably, but my mind was elsewhere, beyond the workplace. "Hey Jeremy, how did you get into fashion in the first place?"

* * *

><p>Hours later, Jeremy and I rode the elevator up to his apartment. I'd promised myself I wouldn't stay, but after such a lovely dinner, my decisions were conflicted. Jeremy's apartment was stark and minimalistic, representative of the time he'd spend interning for couturier Tadashi in Japan. But as I stepped to the window, the view was incredible. We were even higher up then at the restaurant. And the furnishings around me, though minimalistic, oozed restrained glamour.<p>

"Won't you have a seat?" Jeremy had taken his signature vest and tie off, and was unbuttoning the top of his shirt. I glanced at the petite leather sofa and perched on the edge of it. "Tea, Jane?"  
>"Uh, sure." I wasn't quite sure what kind of British traditions Jeremy entertained, but I was willing to go along with it. He bustled around the miniature kitchen, readying the hot water and crackers with an elegant ease I had always admired about him. I watched him closely, trying to evaluate if I was falling for his charm or personality, or both.<p>

The phone rang loudly in the other room, and we both started. "Excuse me," Jeremy murmured, and for a brief instant, a panicked look flashed across his face. He quickly disappeared into the other room to take the call, and I was left alone to my thoughts.

But, of course, I was curious. I sat still for a few minutes, then crept over to the phone in the kitchen. I could hear Jeremy almost shouting in the other room. Ever so delicately, I picked up the receiver.

It was obvious from the onset I had intruded upon the middle of an argument. In an instant I recognized India's familiar shrieking voice. Only this time, it sounded a bit different.

"Jeremy, you've got to tell her the truth!"  
>"I can't, India. You know what that'd do to my career." Jeremy sounded pretty upset, too.<p>

"It can't be worse than what she did to me," said India, resentment seeping into her tone. "Plus, Gray hates you a lot less than she hates me."

"It doesn't matter. Once the word gets out, she'll despise me regardless."

"YOU HAVE TO TELL HER." India sounded like she was at her breaking point now.

"And why should I?" Jeremy was indignant. "Just so you can get your job back?"

Suddenly, there was silence on the other end of the line.

"India, what is it?" He was concerned now, and I was thoroughly confused.

"I can't come back, ever."  
>"Why not? I'm sure, after several months, Gray will forgive you."<p>

"She won't. I can't. "

But Jeremy didn't seem to be listening. "Plus, there's always Bo…."

"I hate you and your secrets!" India screamed.

"What's wrong, India?" Jeremy was seeing through her tough façade. She was hiding something.

After a long pause, I heard India's voice again. "Remember that night on the rooftop of my apartment?"

"How could I forget?"  
>Suddenly, I was nervous for Jeremy. I had an idea where this was going.<p>

"Jeremy, forget it. I screwed up."

I struggled to regain composure as I quietly set the phone back in its rocker. Then I dashed into the bathroom.

Jeremy was knocking on the door in a few moments. "Jane, are you alright?"  
>"I'm feeling a bit sick. It must have been the fish," I called.<p>

"We had chicken."

There was a pause, as I scrambled my brains. "I'm a vegetarian."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm…sorry." I splashed some water on my face, flushed the toilet, and threw open the door.  
>Jeremy looked slightly exasperated, and his face was unnaturally pale.<p>

"I've got to go," I informed him, and made a dash for the door.

"Wait, Jane, are you sure about this?" He caught my arm but I wrenched lose, struggling to control my emotions.

"Yes, I'm sorry Jeremy, I'll see you tomorrow!" I blurted, even though it was Friday.

I dashed down the stairs, not waiting for the elevator, not bothering to count the flights I flew down. By the time I got to street level, I had to catch my breath. The realization had finally hit me—Jeremy was the mole. India had covered for him because she still had feelings. And there was a secret about her too. But right now, I wouldn't think about that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Heavy Secret**

**Billy**

I never told her. And after all that had gone down before I left, I certainly wasn't inclined to now. Jane had always represented innocence to me. Ben knew her well, but I felt I knew her better. I knew she was vulnerable about a lot of things; her parents, how she was perceived by others, and her involuntary desire to be loved. It's not that I wanted to take advantage of her weaknesses. Far from it; I guess, behind my rough façade, I wanted some for myself. Many times in the last few months, I had come so close to losing it with Lulu. She was a dangerous girl, I realized it now. But I had painfully resisted her, again and again, always with Jane in mind-what would she think if she knew what I was doing? That had always stopped me more than any book or class I'd taken would.

I don't even remember how Jane and I became friends, but girls have better memories about that stuff than guys so Jane probably remembers it perfectly. Looking back, I can only recall facing rejection, over, and over and over. It came from everyone around me, my dad when he left, my mom when she decided I wasn't good enough, my few 'friends' who abandoned me because I wouldn't stop hanging with Jane. But if it wasn't for her, I would've folded into myself so entirely that no one would be able to pry me open and out.

Starting high school was the worst. For the guys, it was simple. If you weren't checking some chick out, doing her, or getting into all the stuff my brother had embraced, you were a loser. Invisible. But the best thing about it was that, no matter how many people misunderstood or saw past us instead of through to us, it didn't matter because I had a best friend. I can't tell you how many 'you're not a manly enough man' stabs I've endured because Jane's my girl, and I'm, well, nice.

So it comes down to this: I have one memory that I've hidden from her for years. It could throw our friendship into jeopardy. But at this point, I don't have anything left to lose if I just jot it down here.

Ok, here goes.

* * *

><p>Jane likes to hide. In small spaces, usually. We've hung out—much to the chagrin of classmates and once Nick—in the bathrooms at school, in the supply closet, and under the stairs in the tiny space housing the vacuum cleaners. She tried to explain it to me once: something about how Coco Rocha and a bunch of other supermodels like to hide behind the stage during fashion shows in order to find their focus. But I don't really believe that crap. My guess is that this started a few years ago when she had this <em>really great experience in a closet once at someone's party<em>. Whatever. Here's what really happened:

She had just turned thirteen, and we had attended Bobby Connor's 7th grade end-of-the-year pool party together. It was kind of a big deal, our first real party alone without parentals. I was stoked, because even then I loved a good party. All year, Jane had her eye on Nick, and all year I'd had to hear about him and how great his hair and muscles were. Jealous yet unable to admit it, I'd pulled a few muscles myself trying to force my skinny self do lift weights. I kept thinking that if I looked like Nick, Jane would like me better.

I guess you could describe me—at age fourteen-as feeling hopeful. No chaperones around meant everyone could have 'real' fun, which for these guys meant several games of seven minutes in heaven. Lulu was around back then, too. And she was just as mean. Every dude wanted to be in with Lulu, have the honor of being declared one of the first to test her…make her bend or break.

The guys randomly picked girls, and Nick got Jane. I was appointed to 'time them'; in reality, I practically tackled Bobby until he gave me the timer. Jane was excited. We set off for the nearest coat closet, and Jane nestled in. Now for guys at this age, food can often trump the forbidden excitement of girls. The call for the birthday cake had Nick running, joining the stampede of the other manly airheads towards dessert. Jane was still blindfolded alone in the closet, and now was my chance. I slipped in, eased the door shut until I heard it click, and grabbed her.

Actually, what really happened is I held on tight. Yeah, not to her; I clutched the brooms and mobs behind me. I couldn't touch her if I tried. Despite my suddenly raging desires, I realized I was also struggling to restrain myself. I didn't want to hurt her. Jane says it's 'cause I have the best moral compass she's ever seen in a dude, but all I was thinking was, _what a fine time for that to kick in now. _She eventually found my face in the darkness and kissed me. I felt exhilaration rush through my mind…followed closely by guilt. I pulled away instantly, ashamed. She didn't know it was me. And I didn't have the heart to tell her. I tried to edge around and away from her, as much as possible in a tiny closet, until the time was up.

Then, I bolted. I didn't look back, not when she called out for me, wondering why I wasn't waiting outside with the watch. Jane's had crushes since. But I've warned them, she can't get hurt. I try to be that replacement for her love. Her surrogate brother. Her friend.

Before you ask, I'm not some wacky stalker or dude playing her father. But Ben isn't always dialed in on what goes on with his little sister, so I take seriously my role to protect her. Things have loosened up, though. She and I have both gone out on dates. Because of Lulu, I felt bad about being too harsh with Nick and pulled back a lot, letting them have their fun. But while they never got serious, I had underestimated Nick's wandering eye-I have only myself to blame that Jane got hurt because of it.

Sometimes things get a little too obsessive, I guess because I never really had anyone to love. But my 'cool Billy' side always kicks in. The side Jane knows best. Lulu was my way of harnessing this wild side. 'Course, Lulu's gone now, so things can change. Everything has been balanced for so long, I hardly ever think about what happens if I've saved her only to lose her. That's not a cool thought. You know what, that's a horrible thought. But it could happen, because through everything she's my friend first; and the worst end of it is that I can do nothing to stop it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Elusive**

**Jane**

Fashion is all about playing hard to get. I've learned that the reason why my favorite brands' clothing always sell out instantly is because of limited quantity. This means rarity. If only a few choice people can have what they want, everyone's going to pay through the nose to be part of that elite group. By limiting the supply, demand increases.

It works well in fashion, and it made sense when I studied it in economics last semester. But as for relationships, well, I'm _definitely _not trying to play hard to get. Though, some people have other ideas….

Nick hadn't stopped stalking me. It was getting annoying. I could hardly believe that, a few short weeks ago, I had swooned over his every move. It seems like every time I closed my locker, there he was—trying to apologize and patch up our non-existent relationship.

If only he'd try something more romantic to win back my love. I knew this wasn't a John Hughes movie, but that didn't stop me from dreaming. Somehow, Billy was always the one I thought of first. I remembered when we were ten, and Billy was trying to impress a girl at school. He tried out all his tricks on me, and I got to enjoy the flirting, carefully-crafted one liners, and how-to-hold-hands tricks. Billy really could be a ladies' man if he wanted. When he and his girl went through a rough patch, he ran his get-back-together song through me. It was something he had written himself, accompanied by his electric guitar. It didn't matter that he only knew three chords and the song was to the tune of the Beatles' "Let it be."

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to redeem him; she dumped him the week after Valentine's day. But I was impressed. Now, when I think about any romantic boy act, I think of what Billy did, baring his heart for a girl who ended up rejecting him. I only hoped that experience hadn't left too many scars.

My solution to the present problem was to avoid Nick whenever possible. I talked to Ben about it and he agreed to detain Nick a little longer during PE and practice. I knew Nick was invariably in for some vague don't-touch-my-sister talks from Ben, but at this point I didn't care. I knew sometime I'd have to talk to him myself, but right now I was fine with just putting it off.

The mornings at school seemed to drag by. Even though I was only there for a few hours, the homework assignments would pile up so much that I found myself doing algebra on the subway to the city for work in the afternoon and British Literature on the way back at night. It wasn't ideal, but I'd promised Ben my grades wouldn't slip—and so far, they hadn't.

One particular afternoon, I strode into Donovan Decker, bearing a package for Gray in my arms. She was in her office, and called me in before I could knock.

"What is it?"  
>"I don't know. Do you want me to open it?"<p>

She nodded, and I carefully slit the box open. I pulled out a slinky eggplant colored peplum dress, courtesy of Victoria Beckham. "It's gorgeous," I breathed.

"It's yours," Gray smiled. I stared at her. "Really?"  
>She smiled mysteriously. "This is my way of keeping you close."<p>

"Oh, Gray, thank you!" Then I understood her double meaning, and hurriedly added, "But you know I'm only loyal to you."  
>"That's more than others here can say. Sit down, Jane. We need to talk."<p>

I sat. "Now that India's gone, I'd like you to clean out her desk and take over any half finished projects of hers. Can you do that?"

I nodded assertively. "Of course. Can I have the key?" As she handed me the gilded key ring, I realized with a start that it was the very same one I had stolen from her desk last month. I almost laughed, then caught Grey looking at me and sobered up. "I'm on it," I said, standing. "Good," Gray responded in her usual aloof tone.

"Oh, and Jane?" She called after me as I turned to go.

"Yeah?"

"It's Jeremy, isn't it?"  
>I froze. "Wha-"<p>

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, Jane." Her tone had an edge to it.

"Yes." I admitted weakly.

"Don't get upset, I'm not blaming you," she reassured me in a softer tone.

"Oh, good. Because Gray, I've only known for about a week! And I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I wasn't sure how you'd react, and, well—"

"You were afraid Jeremy will be fired."

I gulped, groping for words and coming up empty. "I…"

"He will be, have no doubt."

"Just please talk to him first," I blurted. "At least give him a chance to explain before you fire him."  
>Gray cocked an eyebrow. "Sympathetic, are we now? Jane, do you realize the degree of damage Jeremy's double-agent actions have caused to this company?"<br>"I know, I know," I said, sighing. "But I just think we should hear his side of the story first, you know, we owe that much to him. After all, he's our best designer. We can hardly afford to lose him now."

Gray's eyes glittered as she thought about what I was saying. "You're right," she admitted abruptly. "He is our best designer. That's why it's imperative that he be on board with us…completely. I will talk to him, but ultimately I will make the final decision." She paused, and looked at me.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Right. Leaving."

I scurried off to India's office, my Jimmy Choos clattering across the tile, mimicking my frenzied pulse.

In India's office I sank into her leather chair and spun around until I felt relaxed enough and completely dizzy. Then, one by one, I unlocked her drawers and safes. For such an explosive and ambitious personality, India was a surprisingly private person. I found the photo album I had glanced through before, filled with India's childhood pictures. Some of the photos had other people in them, but their heads were cut out or x-ed over with a black marker. _Typical India, _I thought to myself, giggling.

The drawers held countless trinkets, the kind you buy at a souvenir shop for tourists. Most looked like they'd come from Europe, perhaps when India had traveled back and forth from France as a textiles buyer for Donovan Decker. Designer jewelry was scattered about as well. I found a pair of real vintage gold Chanel earrings, and fought the urge to try them on. India wouldn't miss them, right? One thing that did surprise me was the number of cigarette lighters. I found eight in all, many with fancy engravings on them. I couldn't imagine India as a smoker, though. She must use these for something else….on a whim, I opened up her shredder. I was shocked to find it full to the brim with—not paper shreds, as I'd expected—but ashes. _She must of burned all those papers with fire. _

It seemed tedious, but I guess when you're as insecure about your job as India was, this was the only safeguard for privacy. I wondered if she really had had any confidants in the offices. Carter and Birdie were terrified of her, and Jeremy…well, what was their connection exactly? I found out soon enough.

Pawing through the lower drawers of the lacquered desk was harder. India's junk drawers might have been messy, but she was anally organized everywhere else. I opened each neatly labeled file up to scan its contents. As far as I could tell, India hadn't left any projects unfinished. It was as if she'd anticipated her out by Gray.

Most of the files seemed unimportant, actually. Snippings from runways of past shows, probably showcasing looks she'd styled. I found a few pictures of her with Gray. The edges were singed where she had put a lighter to them but couldn't finish the act. The last folder in the drawer was labeled 'Jones'. I hesitated, then eagerly pulled it out, hoping for something on Jeremy. But when I opened it, a single paper fell out. As far as I could tell, it was a signed paper from a doctor. A Canadian doctor. My eyes widened as I put together the bits of conversation I had heard on the phone at Jeremy's apartment. India would have left anyway, and soon too, because of this.

I was a blur as I barreled past Carter in the hallway and burst into Gray's office. But I was too late.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I lay stretched out on the floor, my leg propped up for support. There was nothing to do here, after my obligatory classes were done. I had opted out of pretty much every voluntary activity they had offered me, except for woodshop. It involved knives. Something I was good at. But I wasn't really in the mood to carve piles of shavings into a neat little pile on the floor. I tossed my slipper in the air and caught it; they hadn't even let me keep my Converse. I could barely stand the scrub-like outfits we were made to wear—the only thing that made it better was the assurance that Jane would never have to see me like this. I couldn't let her visit me.

Suddenly I sat up. They had offered me one phone call at the beginning of my stay, but I'd declined. Now, I scrambled up and murmured to myself the numbers that I'd memorized years ago.

I stood awkwardly, eyeing my escort as I waited at the public phone, waiting for the other side to pick up. "Quimby Residence."  
>"Yo Ben. It's Billy."<p>

"Hey kid, how's it going?"

"OK, I guess. How's Jane?"

"She's fine, wanna talk to her?"  
>"No! I mean, not right now. Look, I wanted to talk to you first."<p>

"Shoot."

"Um." I groped for the words I hadn't planned on saying.

"Oh, in case you're wondering," Ben's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Tommy got let off. Apparently Lulu's dad was out for the day, and the sub who stepped in was a bit more lenient. Your brother got fined, but he's off the hook for now. Next offense is gonna land him in jail for upwards three months, though."  
>"I have no doubt he'll push his limits."<br>"You and me both, kid. So, what were you gonna tell me?"

"Uh, ok, Ben, you probably don't want to hear this, but…"  
>"Let me guess, it has to do with Jane."<p>

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." I wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"You kissed her, didn't you?"

"WHAT?" It was my turn to overreact. "Geez, man. You know I'd never do that." I ignored the prick in my conscience at the realization that I really had done that.  
>"Sorry," Ben said apologetically, and despite my anger I knew he meant it. "I jumped to conclusions."<p>

"That," I muttered, "Is an understatement. I was _gonna _say that I have feelings for your sister, but apparently you already guessed that, huh."

Over the line I could hear Ben laughing. "Dude," he gasped, "You are a horrible bluffer. Never play poker."  
>"No worries," I muttered. "How long have you known?"<br>"Years. And my suspicions were confirmed when your brother decided to inform me on your great 'seize the day' moment down at the fashion show."  
><em>My brother cannot keep a secret, <em>I wanted to say.

"So, do you think I have a chance?"

There was silence over the line.

"Ben, still there?"

"Yeah, I was shrugging."  
>"I can't <em>see <em>that."  
>"Right. Well, at this point, it seems like everyone knows but her."<p>

Suddenly, I remembered a conversation with Nick I had once had. _Here's the thing about Jane. She's smart, and she's beautiful, and she's amazing. And she has no idea. _

I hadn't realized that she was ignorant about me, too. Maybe she was playing hard to get. But that only made me want her more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: **Ensconced****

**Jane**

Ms. Shaw had said he'd only be gone a month. But I wasn't convinced. Billy had artfully dodged the question when I posed it to him the day he left, and I had been too emotionally broken to press further for an answer. Plus, I knew that behavior was a big part of it…and Billy could be pretty stubborn when he wanted. A month could easily stretch to two if anyone threatened him or made fun of me.

Now that the European fashion weeks were past, balancing my schedules wasn't so hard. But now I had more time to think about my best friend. Think I did, and I puzzled about why he would suddenly show up and proclaim…something. I still wasn't completely sure what his feelings were. Or mine, for that matter.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep away. It was killing me inside to think of Billy locked up in the cell Ben and I had found him in when we had come to bail him out of jail. I knew juvie detention was probably not like that at all, but I couldn't shake the image from my mind. Grey had noticed that something was bothering me, as I'd been getting quite distracted at work. I didn't want to ask for time off, so I made it until the weekend and then I decided to go visit him.

How _does_ one visit an inmate in detention? At school I had bailed Billy out plenty of times by slipping him handwritten 'notes' from his mother with excuses to give to the principle. He had taught me how to forge handwriting, which wasn't exactly a skill I was proud of, but it did come in handy quite often—especially when I had started my internship. But I couldn't just forge a note to get him out, not this time. I had to think of something better.

Saturday morning found me packing my large Birkin—Gray had changed her mind after the fashion show success and given it to me after all. I stuffed a Red Bull and my old scrapbook into the stiff dyed leather pockets. The next question was what to wear. Stripes seemed too sardonic. I opted for a black crape blouse with peephole cutouts in the front, paired with a black bodycon miniskirt, a Modcloth statement necklace, and Attwood strappy platforms.

Ever since Ben's beater car broke down years ago, I'd always ridden in Billy's car. So I walked the five short blocks to his apartment, hoping Tommy wasn't home. He wasn't. As usual, the door was unlocked. I slipped into Billy's room and rummaged around the tangled mess of sheets, crumpled clothing, fake id supplies, and books until I found his keys. As I snuck back out, my foot brushed a pile of loose papers near the door, scattering them. As I knelt to shuffle them into order again, I spotted something. A small, handwritten note. My handwriting. Suddenly, I could feel my face burning. I glanced about furtively, even though no one was home. I crushed the note into the palm of my hand until I had punctured it with my nails. After carefully replacing the note, I left, with a stronger resolve on my mission.

Driving Billy's car the seventeen miles upstate to the Juvenile Detention Hall felt weird. I kept turning to the passenger's seat, only to find it empty. I sang along to 'Battle Cry' by _Everybody Else_ when it came up on the radio, but even blaring rock from the radio couldn't fill the emptiness beside me. When my phone suddenly rang, I struggled not to swerve. Quickly, I glanced down into my lap and hit the speaker.

"What do you want, Ben? I'm driving."

"Should I call later?"

I glanced around the empty road. "No, it's fine. Just don't tell me anything distracting, ok?"  
>"Got it. So, Rita Shaw is going to marry me."<p>

I gasped and the wheels bumped along the lines. "What?"

"Just kidding. Sorry."

"BEN." I seethed.

"Sorry! No seriously, I'm asking Rita out tonight. And I just wanted to make sure it's ok with you…"

"Do I really have a choice?"  
>"Not really."<p>

I sighed. "I guess it's fine. But Ben, please don't embarrass me. I have to go to school with both of you. Just keep the PDA to a minimum, ok?"  
>"Fine."<p>

"And seriously, Ben. You wore your sweater vest inside out yesterday. Are you sure you're prepared to enter a serious relationship?"  
>"Hey, I'm a responsible adult. I'll be fine."<br>"Says the guy who forgot to buy toilet paper from the store again. And not we're out of Kleenex, too."  
>"Yeah, my bad."<p>

"So," he continued, after a pause. "What are you gonna say to him?"  
>"Billy?"<p>

"Yeah. I mean, he's probably not going to be too happy to see you, just saying."

"What makes you think that?" I struggled to keep my voice steady. If Billy was mad at me…

"Well, I mean, he kind of bared his heard to you and in return you sort of threw it back at him."  
>"English, Ben."<br>"All I'm saying is that you might have hurt him. So, just be sensitive."

"Aren't I always?"

"Hey, I'm just saying. By the way, I'm all for you two trying a different direction. Just don't ruin your friendship in the process."  
>"Same goes for you two."<p>

"Hey—"

"_Goodbye,_ Ben."

I turned into the parking lot and pulled into a spot. Then I sat there and tried to think of what to say.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

They said I had a visitor. I was hoping it would be Tommy, or maybe even my mother. I hadn't seen her in months. But it probably wouldn't be either of them. Tommy, as much as he had stepped up to be a good brother in the days before my incarceration, was probably back to his old habits…finding another way to weasel himself out from under the law. And my mother, well, I'd be happy if she were just sane for once. Who did that leave? Maybe Ben. Or someone from school. I tried not to think about it too much as a supervisor lead me to the visiting room.

A glance through the little window at the door before I entered sent a shock down my spine—it was Jane. I tried to turn but the guard outside the room stopped me. "Fifteen minutes," he barked.

I shuffled over to one the tables and pulled out a chair, sinking into it. I didn't look at her at first; I wasn't sure if I could control myself.

"Billy?" she asked finally, in a small voice.

"Janey," I breathed, and all my defenses went down as she was suddenly embracing me, her dark curls brushing my face.  
>"How are they treating you?" She loosened her grip and pulled back to examine me, running her fingers through my flat hair wonderingly.<p>

I shrugged and folded my arms. "Ok, I guess. They wouldn't let me keep my hair gel."

"You can tell me." So she knew what was going on.

"I'm freaking out, Janey," I admitted in a low tone, leaning forward and meeting her gaze across the table. I thought of all the tough guys, in for far harsher crimes than mine. I wanted to tell her badly about the dude who was in for manslaughter and had tried to pick a fight with me. But I held back; knowing that would only hurt her more.

Her hand ventured onto mine with a squeeze. "I know, so am I. I thought you were going to come in here wearing an orange jumpsuit with handcuffs or something. I thought we'd have to use the phone."

I scoffed. "I'm not in jail," I started to say, but stopped. There was pain in her eyes.

I tried to change the subject. "How are things at school? What are Lulu and Nick up to?"

Jane looked away. "I wouldn't know. They don't see me anymore."  
>I nodded, understanding. "And work? What about the British dude?"<p>

She gave me a funny look as she reached into her purse and handed me a Red Bull. I took it gratefully.

"Work is good," she said slowly. "Grey has me picking up India's slack. There's a chance I'm getting her job if Gray doesn't bring her back. And…Jeremy is a cheater," she announced flatly. I nearly choked. "What?"

Immediately, she understood my connotation and slapped me upside the head. "Not in that way. Lean forward." She pulled me closer and whispered in my ear. It was all I could do to stifle a smirk.

"Wow, Jane," I said, leaning back in my chair and propping my feet up on the table. "This guy's a tool. Good thing you didn't go out with him, right?"

She didn't answer me.

"Look, I'm sorry." The chair legs slammed onto the floor as I sat up. "Just tell me one thing, did you pick him over me?"

She didn't want to talk about this anymore than I did, but we both knew it was coming.

"I didn't choose him, Billy. That's all you need to know."

I nodded, sensing she was hiding something but not wanting to push her. "Look, I just want you to know," I started, and then looked at her. _She really was beautiful, _I thought, even in the sunlight forcing it's way in bluish gray rays through the barred windows. "Aaannd I lost my train of thought," I mumbled, tapping my fingers on the table in frustration. She looked at me and giggled. _I'd missed that smile, too…_ "Oh, I know. Jane, you and me, we're still good, no matter what happens." I swiped her hair away from her face. "OK?"

"Ok." She had a strange look in her eyes as she nodded at me.

We talked. I filled her in on mundane activities from the last few weeks, and we both laughed and betted on how many times Ben would mess up during his date before Ms. Shaw'd dump him. "She looks pretty lovestruck to me," I said, smirking.

"How would you know?"  
>"Remember that time when we were hiding from your work buddies?"<br>Jane rolled her eyes. "How could I forget?"  
>"I hid in your brother's office. Dude reads twilight."<p>

"I know. Uugh, he's such an embarrassment sometimes."

"Yeah, well, he and Rita were doing—" I gestured to show her what I meant and she turned red and pushed me. "Stop, you."

"And I had to get out of there, so I was like, 'peace, dude', and I left," I laughed, throwing up my fingers in a mock sign. We both collapsed into fits of laugher.

Then the time was up. We rose and embraced. "Promise me something," she whispered as her grip tightened. "Anything," I grinned, looking down on her.

"Don't stay in here any longer than you have to, ok?"  
>"You got it."<p>

She pecked me on the cheek. "Stay out of trouble." Then she was gone.

It wasn't until after she left that I looked down and realized she'd left her scrapbook behind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Dear lovely readers, **

**Obligatory thanks for choosing this story, and reading it. To you who reviewed it, much more gratitude to you. I get a kick and encouragement from reading all your insightful comments.**

** Presently, updating is daily, but don't take it for granted—my schedule can and will change in the future, starting now. I'm taking the weekend off. (Have no fear, I'll write enough to tide us all over until the summer episodes.) Make your predictions on each chapter. I like to see how you think. **

**Until Monday, feast on this-**

**'Clarissa'**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: <strong>Cardboard Dreams<strong>**

**Jane **

In fashion, dependence is everything. The fashion houses and big brands depend on trend reports to predict their styles for the next season. Vogue and Elle and the fashion blogosphere look to street-style for inspiration. And everyone who's interested in anything remotely industry related turns a reverent eye to the designers themselves, who turn out the next big thing in bursts of creativity upon the glittering runways of Paris and New York. Without this network of connections, none of us would be plugged in, united. Because, let's face it: in a bubble world where everything is constantly changing and the new in is suddenly out, it's good to know there's always someone to look to. Something to be that mainstay and guide.

* * *

><p>I woke up fifteen minutes late and practically fell out of bed and into my clothes. Today was not a stare-at-your-closet-and-cook-up-a-fabulous-outfit day. Not at all, I was going to be late. I grabbed my go-to staples: a fluttery floral skirt, a pink chiffon top with doleman ruffles, and my favorite black blazer with its perfectly ruched sleeves. I hurriedly scanned my jewelry wall for the perfect crystal cluster statement necklace. Grabbing a skinny belt and my old Charlotte Russe heels platforms, I burst out of my room and made a beeline for the kitchen. I snatched the open V8 off the counter and downed it as I slipped into my shoes.<p>

"Hey, I was gonna finish that!" Ben protested, from his post in front of the tv, which was of course, turned off.

"Were you going to drink it within the next hour, or were you just going to stare at it?"

Ben was silent.

"Didn't think so."

I glanced at the clock. Ten minutes. Billy's keys were rattling in my purse. I remembered that I had forgotten to return them on Saturday. "Ben," I called, as I dug them out. "I need my, you know…"

Ben smirked. "Just say it."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Please give me my allowance."  
>I glared at him. "Do you know how embarrassing that sounds, especially since I make way more than you do?"<br>"Hey," said Ben, feigning hurt. "What kind of brother would I be if I let you spend it all?"  
>"You know I wouldn't do that."<p>

"I don't know, Janey, how much did that outfit cost?"  
>"For your information, it was all mine before the internship. Now can I have the money? Please?"<p>

Ben sighed, and rose slowly. He flipped his wallet open and handed me two twenties. I held my hand out, waiting for the rest. "That's all for now," he said, heading toward the fridge.

"What?" I gaped. "Ben, you can't do this to me!"

"Sure can." He grabbed the orange juice carton and chugged down a few swigs before dumping the rest down the sink. "Expired," he muttered to himself.  
>"BEN!"<p>

"Right. I'm teaching you fiscal responsibility!" he assured me. "You've been buying a lot of designer stuff lately, and I just want to make sure you realize the value of your own money. It's for your own good."

"Whatever. I'm late." I didn't bother explaining to Ben the meaning of 'swag': all the free stuff I had picked up from work. I stormed out of the house, almost tripping down the steps in my heels. The soles had worn unevenly and walking was a bit wobbly. Then I remembered Billy's keys. I slipped off my heels and took off down the street, daintily avoiding the gum-spots on the sidewalk. I was out of breath by the time I got to Billy's car, parked on the curb where I'd left it.

I drove the rest of the way to school, and slid into my seat in first period just in time to hear the assignment. "This week's essay is on a memorable childhood experience. Tell how it affected you, and influenced your life in some way."

* * *

><p>Nick was waiting for me at my locker again. And since I already felt bad about lying to Billy and not telling him what Nick had been doing, I figured now would be a good time to end everything for good.<p>

I strode up to my locker with my chin jutted defiantly out, and stiffly banged my combination out until the door swung open. But in my hurry to stuff my satchel in, half the contents spilled out onto the floor. _Great. _I stooped as much as I could in my skirt and snatched up the pens, pencils and calculator.  
>"Let me help." Nick's voice was gentle, apologetic.<br>"No," I answered flatly.

"Jane, can we talk? Please?"  
>I hesitated.<p>

"You haven't given me the time of day since the incident."

"Oh, is that what we're calling it now?" I struggled to keep my voice level. "I trusted you. I really, _really _liked you, Nick. You don't know how many classes I spent staring at your profile and dreaming that someday, you'd talk to me!"

He seemed a bit taken aback, and my cheeks were suddenly burning up; I'd said too much.

"Really?"

"Yeah, well…"

"So what changed?"

"For once, I realized just how much of a meat-headed jerk you really are." I grabbed my books and began to walk swiftly down the hall as the bell rang. "Jane, wait." Nick caught up to me.

"I can make it up to you. Won't you give me a chance?"  
>I stole a sideways glance at him. He really <em>did <em>look sincere. Was I really willing to just walk away? "I'll…think about it," I conceded slowly, hoping I wouldn't regret it.  
>"Can you think about it at dinner tonight? I know your internship ends late. I'll be in the city though, we can meet at that spaghetti place at 9. Ok?"<p>

I didn't answer him.

"All you have to do is show up." He tried to reach for my hand, but I pulled away and slipped into class without another word.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

They hadn't let me keep the scrapbook. No, apparently it could be a potential hazard. Apparently it could hold guns and knives and things to kill myself with. I didn't bother telling them that Jane got squeamish when she saw my knives. Jane would never do anything like that.

I got to keep one photo. I poured over the pages as I lounged over the front counter, savoring the memories in each photo almost as much as the annoyance I was causing the lady behind the desk.

"Pick one already!" she said in an exasperated tone. I ignored her and began to whistle nonchalantly. Lulu had told me once that my whistling grated on her ears. I wondered if the lady felt the same, then decided I didn't really care either way.

The photo I finally settled on was taken when we were nine or so. Jane's dad had probably snapped this one. A scruffy blonde kid stared back at me through squinted eyes, his arm draped over a skinny girl who was planting a kiss on his dirty cheek. The colors of the picture were faded, but as I tore it carefully from the page, I began to remember what exactly had gone down that day….

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

_Cardboard Dreams, by Jane Quimby. _

I stopped, and chuckled to myself, then slapped a hand over my mouth instinctively. The girls in the bathroom stopped chattering for a moment. "Did you hear that?" Someone asked. It sounded like Harper. "Yeah, I bet someone's hiding in the stalls."

As quietly as I could, I folded up my writing notebook and hugged my knees so my feet wouldn't touch the ground. I held my breath as a girl walked by, glancing for tell-tale feet beneath the stall doors. But after a bit the girls lost interest and left. Silence. Time to write again.

_I was nine. My best friend Billy was ten. _I decided I would probably change Billy's name later. After all, this was kind of personal. I didn't really want to share our friendship with the entire writing class. Not that simply changing the name would help any, but I was sure Billy wouldn't mind. He probably wouldn't be back soon enough to know about it anyway.

_I had always wanted a tree house. But I live in New York, and even away from the city there aren't that many good, sturdy trees to build in. And we didn't have any that belonged to us. So one day, after school, Billy surprised me with his own version. A cardboard box._

* * *

><p><em>I was unsure at first, but Billy dragged it up the grassy hill behind our house until we were high enough to see the city. Then he turned it on its side and we sat there for hours, looking at the stars and talking. I had smuggled a dish of my dad's best tortellini and we sat up there, munching on pasta and dreaming.<em>

_"What're you gonna be when you grow up, Jane?" Billy asked me as he stretched his long limbs in front of him, cracking his knuckles._

_"I'm going to be a famous fashion designer," I answered promptly. "Someday I'll go work in the city and make lots of money. I'll be famous too."_

_"You make it sound like that's gonna happen."  
>"That's how dreams work, isn't it? You wish for something hard enough you wish it into existence…"<br>"Ok. When you get rich, can I ride in your limo?" Billy tried to rub the dirt stains off his jeans, marks from where he'd tripped dragging the box up. _

_I grinned and reached over, tousling his hair. "Sure."_

_There was a pause as I dreamed of all the amazing people I'd meet someday, how they'd fawn over me, and my loyal sidekick Billy, too. Only, he wouldn't be so scruffy looking as he was now, would he?_

_"What are you going to do after I'm gone, Billy?"_

_"What do you mean?" he squinted at me in the darkening light.  
>"Like, when we're adults and stuff."<em>

_There was a long pause, and he looked at me. _

_"I don't know."_

* * *

><p>As I waited for the subway, I contemplated Nick's offer. Maybe, just maybe, we could have what I had dreamed about for so long. But although I loved how I felt when I was with him, it didn't seem right, somehow. I didn't think Billy would like it much…after he found Nick cheating on me, he had had to take detention for restraining himself—stepping out of class to before he could beat up Nick, because he knew I cared about him. Now, thinking about it, I realized what a sacrifice that must have been. Because Nick hadn't only hurt me, he'd hurt Billy too; because the girl he was cheating on me with was Billy's girl too.<p>

It was all so confusing, trying to sort out who had wronged who, and why. And as everlastingly long as high school seemed, I felt sure it was too short to spend all my time getting caught up in relationship drama. I stepped onto the subway, elbowing my way to a window seat. Pressing my forehead against the cold glass, I tried to focus on work related business.

* * *

><p>Gray was in a meeting when I came in. I sat down to wait, peering over my computer at my desk I could see flashes of red has she furiously paced back in forth. It seemed so unlike her. Usually she was so composed. I didn't hear Birdie until she was speaking in my ear.<p>

"Gray's in a meeting," she said in her high pitched tone.

"I can see that. Who's the unlucky victim?"  
>"Jeremy." I widened my eyes at her and she giggled, savoring the bit of gossip she had before relaying it to me.<p>

"She's chewing him out for being the mole."  
>"How did she even figure out in the first place?" I wondered aloud.<p>

Birdie shrugged. "Who cares? The word around the office is that Jeremy's getting the boot."  
>"You mean," I corrected her, "That that's what Carter told you."<p>

She wrinkled her nose at me. "Same thing."

I rose from my chair and stood outside the door. Just out of sight from the floor length windows, I tried to listen in.

"How am I supposed to trust you, Jeremy?" Gray's tone was slow and deliberate, but I could feel the undertone of her wrath even from where I was standing.

"Well, I mean I—"

"Not even his pretty boy accent can save him now," Carter chuckled beside me.

"Shhh!" I whispered harshly at him. "Did you know?"

Carter shook his head. "No one did."

I contemplated telling him my hunch about India, but decided to keep mum for now.

"Look, Gray. If you cut me now, who's going to design for the swimsuit collection next month? And what about the CFDA Awards Gala next week? We'll need at least two stylists for the clients who choose Donovan and Decker."

Grey glared at him with her unmoving eyes. "Perhaps you should of thought about this before you renounced your allegiance to me."

"It wasn't my fault, really."

"How so?"  
>"When you and Bo were-"<p>

"Don't mention it," Gray warned.

"Alright," said Jeremy, trying to dance gingerly around the topic. "When you and Bo were on, shall we say, _better terms, _and when the two of you had the same goal in mind, I was getting quite a lot of exposure. You were sending my designs places, and I was getting clients of my own!

"That hasn't stopped, Jeremy," Gray pointed out.

"But it's changed, you see. Now they want to see other designs from Donovan Decker, not just mine. They're asking about India's and yours, and…Janes."

India laughed, short and harsh. "Don't be an imbecile, Jeremy. You know I don't design anymore."

"But you—"

"Wait, did you say Jane?"

Jeremy nodded.

"Are you jealous of my assistant?"  
>"N-no, no, of course not! Jane's wonderful. She's the bee's knees!"<p>

Gray shook her head in disgust. "Sometimes, I don't know what you're talking about. Look, it's a done deal. I don't want to cut your contract from Donovan Decker now, especially with all our upcoming projects. But I _simply cannot _have a traitor in my midst. And no matter how you spin it Jeremy, that's really what you are. I truly am sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to I have to—"

Jeremy had grabbed Gray by the shoulders, and their heads were down as he talked to her quickly in urgent, hushed tones.

I leaned back and swiped my head. _This was not happening._ _The whole team was falling apart, first India, then Jeremy, and all because of me!_

Jeremy stormed out of the office, his face contorted. When he saw me his expression quickly arranged itself.  
>"Jane, I need to talk to you."<p>

"Uh, right now?" I asked, worried as I glanced at Gray. She was brooding too.

"Yeah, now." Jeremy pulled me into his office. "I need to know what you know about this whole situation," he told me, leaning against his desk.

"What situation?" I lied, frightened.

Suddenly, Jeremy slammed his fist down. His face was livid. "Oh, don't tell me you don't know!"  
>"I-I'm sorry, Jeremy," I sputtered, trying to collect my thoughts. "I hadn't meant to find out."<p>

I tried to think fast. "All I know is—that—" I fumbled for words. "I'm _really, really, _sorry about India." I held my breath, hoping he'd buy it.

Jeremy stared at me for a long time, and then let out a defeated sigh. "Thank you, Jane, that's all I need to know."

I tiptoed out of the office and ran straight into Gray. With one finger, she pushed me off her. "We need to talk. Now."

"O-k," I said meekly, disentangling my purse and awkwardly straightening myself up.

At that moment I happened to glance over the balcony into the lobby. To my shock, India was striding in the door. I started hyperventilating. _Can this situation get any worse? _ I ducked into Gray's office before she could see me, closing the door behind me.

"Soo. How _are _you?" I attempted a smile, but Gray only glared at me.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, I was on my way down to the lobby to fetch India. Fortunately, she wasn't far.<p>

"YOU!" she shrieked, and I shivered a little inside. _This, I hadn't missed. _India was walking towards me, but her glare was focused on Jeremy, who had just stepped out of the elevator behind me. Her skintight dress was rippling with each stride, mimicking the prominent veins straining at her temples—something even botox couldn't hide.

"Stop right there, you…you-" I covered my ears and stepped back, as Jeremy took on the full force of India's rage.

I watched Jeremy and India quarrel for a second. India was getting louder, and Jeremy was doing everything in his power to calm her down so the rest of the company wouldn't get distracted. It was a little bit late now, though. Once I figured India was done spewing obscenities, I uncovered my ears and moved to stand between them. "India," I said, in as steady a tone as I could manage, "Gray wants to see you." India finally shut up, and people looked around, wondering where that new void of peaceful silence was coming from. Without a word, India spun on her heel and strode away. I looked at Jeremy. He was mopping his forehead. "Please accept my deepest apologies about earlier, Jane," he said, turning to me with a pleading gazed. I pursed my lips but nodded. "It's fine. But save the kissing up for India. You're gonna need it." It was hard not to smile as I walked away. Jeremy was getting what he'd deserved. Still, I felt a little pang that he'd be leaving. I hoped on one hand that he'd been able to convince Gray to renew his contract in the future, perhaps for the next season which was only a few short months away. But at the same time, I knew Gray had been ruthless.

I snuck into Gray's office now, grabbing a chair by the door and somehow managing to miss the seat as I sat down. India was standing before Grey, who was seated at her desk. I hadn't realized they'd been waiting for me. "Oh, sorry. Go ahead," I said, picking myself up awkwardly.

Gray and India glared at each other for a long time, and I watched as the intensity flickered from one pair of icy eyes to the other.

"Are you going to tell me?" Gray murmured, unmoving.

"Tell you what?" India asked in the same, indifferent tone.

"Your secret."

"What secret?"  
>"You're hiding something, India, and I know what it is. Jane told me everything."<p>

India scoffed. "Jane knows nothing. And I'm always hiding something. Isn't that what you taught me to do, Gray?"

Gray arched an eyebrow slowly, never shifting her gaze.

I sat in suspense, watching eagerly as somewhat of a soap opera unfolded in front of me.

"Jeremy also confessed," Gray said quietly, a small, humorless smile playing at her lips.

For a moment, I could detect a quaver in India's resolve. Jeremy was her lifeline. If he really had spilled all—and I was pretty sure he had because Jeremy does terribly under pressure—her future was in jeopardy too.

"What did he say?" she asked very slowly, drawing out each syllable.

Gray broke the stare contest and blinked, glancing down coyly. "Oh, nothing much. I won't repeat the words he used to describe you, or what the two of you did—"

"You're heartless," India spat, "to try and blackmail that against me."

"Am I now?" Gray chuckled, and this time it really was out of humor. "Perhaps you're right. But I didn't call you up here just to put you down, India. If you think that's all this meeting is about, you've clearly underestimated me."

"Well?" was all India could reply.

"I'm offering you your job back. Last time, I acted on false information, and I'm sorry." Gray glanced at me and I looked at her innocently. I had no idea what she was talking about. I hadn't fed her any wrong information.  
>"Now," she continued, "The position is yours, if you'll take it back. Otherwise….I'm sure Jane would love to fill your shoes." She winked at me and I could fairly feel India's blood boil. "I'll take it," she snapped.<p>

Then the tension in the air seemed to dissolve, along with India's hostile temperament.

"Thank you, Gray," she said softly, in a tone I would have almost called meek, if I hadn't known better.

"Both of you, out." Gray sighed, and handed me my assignments for the rest of the week before shooing us out of her office.

I looked at India closely for the first time. She was quite pale, which was odd considering the overly tanned olive tone she usually sported. Suddenly, I was fearful. "Carter? Carter!" I called, and then turned around in time to catch India as she fainted.

* * *

><p>Carter and I took turns swabbing India's face with a drenched Hermes kerchief until Jeremy could come down. "I don't get why we can't just call the medic," I muttered as I squeezed out another scarf and soaked it again. Carter tilted his head at me. "We don't have a medic."<p>

"Sure we do," I said. "I memorized the floor plans of the building my first day. I'm positive we have a first aid office."

"Jane, that 'office' was cut years ago when the building was renovated! This used to be a fire station."

"Oooh. I knew that." I tried not to look too stupid and failed. Then another thought occurred to me. "Why don't we just take her to ER?"

Jeremy slid in at that point, weighed down with piles of pattern papers in his arms. "Thanks for looking after her, guys. How is she?"

I shook my head. "Still out. What took you so long?"

Jeremy shrugged and began collecting boxes around the room. "You wouldn't believe all the things I have to tie up around here."

Carter glared at him, resenting his cherry tone. "Jane asked if we should take her to emergency." Jeremy spun around suddenly, bumping the shelf of Elle magazines with his arm. "_Bad _idea, Jane," he said, rubbing his elbow. "India hasn't eaten for two days. That's the only reason why she's a bit woozy."

"Woozy?" I said incredulously. "She's passed out."

At that moment, Birdie burst into the room. "Jane, I have a message for yo—" she saw India and began to scream. "Carter, will you?" Jeremy asked in a tired tone.

Carter got up and cupped his hands over Birdie's mouth, silencing her. "She's not dead, just out."

Birdie sighed with relief. "It's your brother," she said, recovering. I took the note pulled out my cell phone. Two missed calls.

"Ben?"

No answer. Then I realized he had left a voicemail. I listened.

"Hey Jane, hate to interrupt you in the middle of the day like this, but I think I forgot to turn off the water at the house. I'm teaching PE next period and it'd really put my mind at ease to know the bathtub isn't overflowing into the kitchen. If you find some time to check on it, that'd be great. Ok, gotta go. Rita's coming my way. Love you, bye."

I groaned and grabbed my Birkin, slinging it over my shoulder as I walked outside towards the station. I called Gray on the way.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy <strong>

_I really had no idea. Back then I hadn't discovered golf, or the Beatles, or anything really cool for that matter. I could play a little electric guitar, but that was about it. _

_"What if you traveled the world?" she suggested. I shrugged. _

_"Sounds kinda lonely, if you ask me."_

_"You could take a friend."  
>"Who?"<br>"Don't you have any other friends?"  
>I shook my head. "They're all gonna grow up and leave me like you."<em>

_She tossed her dark curls and protruded her bottom lip out at me until I laughed. "That's not true," she reassured me._

_"The only way to keep someone around is if you marry 'em," I mused. I didn't know about Jane's mom back then. "Or, I guess you could handcuff 'em." _

_Jane shrugged and batted her eyelashes at the moon. "I guess. I'll marry you, if it makes you feel any better."_

_"You will?" _

_"Well, I'm sure not going to handcuff myself to you, Billy Nutter. My wrists will wear off. That's so not fashionable."_

_I thought on this. "How about you just never leave me?" It was a brilliant compromise from a ten-year-old's head._

_"Promise." She pursued her lips into a little bow shape before flashing me a big grin._

_Then we both lay down, side by side, and tried to get comfortable against the stiff walls of the box. _

_It wasn't long before Jane's dad found us. He wasn't mad. He just chuckled and made us pose for a picture before calling Jane inside. She squirmed, and then as the camera flashed she planted one on my cheek. I winced. _

_"That's one for the books," he chuckled. Jane had to go then. She walked backwards, slowly so she wouldn't trip, and waved at me until she disappeared from view down the hill._

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

We all depended on someone, I reflected to myself as I walked the few blocks home from the station for the second time today. The house had been fine, Ben had overreacted as usual. I had gone back to work, and witnessed more India drama. Now our whole department was convinced she either had an eating disorder, or had suffered a heart attack—the latter group were sorely disappointed, and I couldn't help but laughing. Gray had given India so many chances to redeem herself, yet she had defiantly refused all of them. Even though India now had her job back, she didn't have the security of knowing her secrets were actually…safe. And no matter how many times she yelled the words "I hate you" at Jeremy, I knew that in the end—if not in the near future—she'd soon be depending on him to be much more than just her emotional punching bag.

And then I realized that even though I didn't want to admit it, I missed Billy terribly. And perhaps in a different way than just a best friend. I felt like part of me was gone. He was my lifeline, my stability for all these years. I wondered absently what he was doing right now….

I glanced at my cell phone. It was 8:53, and suddenly I remembered Nick. I flipped open my keyboard to text him about rescheduling, then reconsidered. "I can't make it," I simply texted.

I looked down at my old heels with their scuffed tops, and then—glancing down the darkened street both ways to make sure no one was watching—I slipped them off. Reaching into my purse, I pulled out a pair of flats. They were plain, something I'd picked up at the second-hand store because Gray had condemned it. I slipped them on and reveled in the comfort of flat shoes as I walked up the steps up to the house.

Ben was mumbling Yogi Bera quotes to himself when I came in. "Hey Jane," he greeted me, absent mindedly pouring the new carton of orange juice through a strainer and down the drain in an attempt to sift out the pulp. "Ben," I laughed. But I didn't bother correcting him, I just shook my head and headed to my room. "The rest of your allowance is on the counter," he called after me. "No thanks, I don't want it this month," I said, closing the door behind me before he could protest.

I sat down in my little wicker swivel chair and spun aimlessly until I remembered how I was going to finish my assignment. Then I pulled out my notebook and turned to a fresh page.

* * *

><p><em>It wasn't until the next morning that dad told me what happened. Billy had stayed up in the box all night long, and when he finally went home, it was to a berserk mother. Tommy had gone out partying and had committed his first offense. He was in jail. <em>

_Dad took me to visit Billy at his house. But he was grounded and couldn't come down to see me. So I wrote a note and gave it to his mom. It said: _

_Dear Billy Nutter, Your brother is stupid. But that's ok 'cause you got me. That's all you need. And whether or not we get handcuffed an' married, you don't ever forget that._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: **Falling Behind****

**Jane**

Someone once said, "The key to failure is trying to please everybody." The problem with me is that I just want everyone around me to be happy. I guess it's just my personality. It's why I took this job in the first place, in part to prove to Ben that I was capable of something above and beyond mere high school existence. But it's more than that, because work is where I get noticed, and feel like something more than mediocre. I guess I've always wanted to be 'in' with the happy popular crowd, but it never happened at school. All last year, I tried to fit in, and I spent my lunch hours with Billy scheming up ways to get Lulu and Harper and Duke to recognize me. Billy never shared my fascination with high school hierarchy fame. He truly lived by the 'I don't care what anyone else thinks' mantra, and sometimes I wished some of that would rub off on me. I never realized just how much I was trying to please everyone around me until suddenly, one day, it seemed like they all turned against me.

* * *

><p>"Jane?"<p>

Slowly, Ms. Shaw's face blurred back into view. "Are you ok?" she asked me again, with concern in her voice.

My eyes finally focused themselves again. "Ye-eah," I said a bit uneasily. "I'm fine. It's just that…do you know what this will do to me socially?"

Ms. Shaw patted my hand. "I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think."

I shook my head. "If there's one thing I've learned here, it's to not underestimate Lulu. When she finds out about this, I'm going to be one wanted girl."

Ms. Shaw raised her eyebrows. "Oh, no," I hastened to say. "Not in that way, I mean—"

"I get it, really. But you can't just spend your days hiding, Jane. That's what I did in high school, and take it from someone who's been there, that's not a happy place to be."

I sighed and slumped in my chair.

"Could Ben help?" she asked me, after a moment.

"And what, be my bodyguard? One, he doesn't take classes with me, and two, that's just _awkward _waitingto happen_!" _I huffed. "You know how weird Ben can be."

A small smile played at Ms. Shaw's lips as she glanced down.  
>"Can we just keep it a secret?" I pleaded.<p>

"I don't see why, Jane. Being at the top of your class is something you should be very proud of. I mean, after all these weeks of being tied with—" she broke off.

I swivel in my seat to see Lulu at the door, fuming. I looked away. _War's on, _I thought to myself. _I'm toast._

* * *

><p>I sped toward my locker in record time, dodging the classmates crowding the hallways and sliding to a stop in time to bang open my door. It was at times like these that I really did wish for a bodyguard. Billy would've been ideal. He could protect me against Lulu, <em>especially <em>Lulu. I couldn't imagine they had been on very good terms when he left. _One more week, _I reminded myself. Five long days until Ben would drive up in Billy's green bomber and bring my best friend home.

Suddenly, I had an idea. The bell rang, and I slid into my seat in precalc just as Nick strode in. I caught his attention and gestured to the empty seat I had saved beside me.

"Hey Jane," he said, a smile lighting up his face. For a moment I imagined him being a male model, like Gray's Brad…he'd look pretty fine shirtless…

"Hello," he laughed, waving his hand at me. "Oh, _hey_," I said, trying to sound smooth and failing.

"I'm sorry I had to cancel our thing the other night. Change of plans," I lied. He shrugged. "That's ok, wanna reschedule?" I looked elsewhere. "Actually, I need to ask you a favor." Nick's eyes widened. "Anything for you, Jane Quimby!" I laughed at his sarcasm. "No, but seriously. Ok, can you keep a secret?"

"I kept Billy's, didn't I?" Nick said confidently. I leaned closer to him. "So apparently I'm at the top of our class," I said in a low tone. "Really? That's great, congrats!"

"SHHHH!" I reprimanded him, glancing around furtively. He held up his hands. "Sorry. Go on."

"So, Lulu is gonna try to kill me until I step down." "Wait a sec," Nick interrupted me. "Isn't class position based on grades? How is Lulu going to make you 'step down'?" I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, she'll find a way. I just need you to keep her away from me until I leave for my internship at 11:30. Hopefully by tomorrow she'll have cooled off a bit. Can you do that?" Nick looked doubtful. "How am I supposed to distract her?" I gave him a look. "You really have to ask?"  
>Just then, someone sat down next to me. I turned, and let out a small gasp. "I hate you!" fumed Lulu in a barely-controlled tone. "Quiet over there!" the teacher barked, and wordlessly Nick and I got up and traded seats.<p>

* * *

><p>After checking to make sure Lulu was nowhere in sight, I skidded down the halls toward the exit. But out of the corner of my eye I saw her stalking towards me, flanked by Duke and Harper. It was worse than I thought. I tried to move faster, and then caught sight of Nick. I gestured wordlessly to him and he took the que. I waited impatiently to edge my way toward the door as the classes began to let out. "Hey, Lu, what's up?" I could only imagine what Nick would have to do to distract her, but at this moment I didn't really care. Just as I passed Ben's office, he called to me.<p>

"Hey Jane! Can you come in here a second?"

I popped my head in. "I have about five minutes before I need to be on the next metro, Ben. Make it fast."

Ben raised his eyebrows. "Don't you usually take the subway?" "Metro's faster. And closer. And at this point, the less Lulu sees of me, even walking around school grounds, the better."

It was then that I noticed Ms. Shaw. I groaned. "More bad news?"  
>"Not at all," she reassured me. "I was just telling Ben here how well you've been doing in school." They exchanged a meaningful look and I had a hunch something else entirely different had been going on. I noticed Ms. Shaw's blouse was a little rumpled and Ben's face was sporting a red mark… I bit my lower lip to keep from giggling.<p>

"Actually, Jane, I think you should be involved in this discussion."

I snickered. "Really? You guys seem to be doing just fine without me." Ben gave me a look. "Sit." I did.

"Ben tells me you've been pretty heavily devoted to your internship these days," Ms. Shaw began, her tone its usual professional dullness. I nodded. "It's pretty much everything to me."  
>She nodded. "Well, since you've been doing so exceptionally well in your classes, we were thinking you could take the advanced track, and maybe graduate early." I looked at the two of them warily. "How early?" Ben shrugged. "Oh, maybe a year or two…" I stood up. "Absolutely not."<p>

"Jane, come on. We don't want to rule anything out—" Ben started to say, then stopped. "There's no way I'm graduating before Billy," I said resolutely. "Now Jane, wait a minute," Ms. Shaw called after me, but I was already out the door, hurrying down the steps, two minutes late and hoping against hope the Metro would wait.

* * *

><p>Jeremy was packing up the last of his things when I stepped into his office. He turned as I came in, a smile lighting up his suddenly tired looking face. "Jane, always a pleasure."<br>"Hey Jeremy."

"Listen, we need to talk—" I held up a hand, cutting him off. "Me first."  
>"Alright then," he conceded, clearing his throat and realizing he had no choice but to listen. "Look, I know we've had a thing going on in the past, but everything's different now." I paused, and clasped and unclasped my hands nervously. "It's just with you leaving, and India now staying, as well as her situation with you—"<br>"We're not together," Jeremy interrupted me, his brow knit. "If that's your concern, be assured I will not be put in that position." He tried to reach for my hand but I pushed it away. "No, Jeremy, that _position _is your responsibly. I just want to say that, despite whatever we may have had in the past must stay strictly platonic from now on." I was satisfied that sounded adultish enough.

Jeremy dropped his head, then, pressing his fingers together, slowly raised it to look at me. "I never meant for this to happen, you should know that." "I do," I said, jutting my chin out and fighting the unexpected tear in my eye. "But it did, and as much as I like you, we just can't go on. Not after what happened to India." He wrinkled his brow again. "You know she's not anorexic, like the rumors are saying." I nodded. "I told you, Jeremy. I know what happened."

"You'll keep it a secret then?" His eyes were pleading. I sighed, and stuck out my hand. "You have my word." Jeremy took it gracefully, and kissed it. "Thank you, Jane Quimby," he said. "Good luck with your work," I said, slowly backing out of the room. He smiled softly. "Don't worry about me. But you, you will go far. Someday-"

"Good_bye, _Jeremy," I said with finality, and turned my back to go.

* * *

><p>Gray was waiting for me when I finally got to her office. "What took you so long?" I stared into her stone face for a second. "Oh, I was, uh, Jeremy was…"<p>

"Not a good enough excuse. Jane, we have _work_ to do." She handed me a large, cream colored envelope. I opened it and gasped. "This is the CFDA gala invitation!"

"I trust you know what it's all about?" I nodded, almost too excited to speak.

"It's like the Oscars for fashion. Designers get awards by the Council of Designers for America, and all the models, editors, and bloggers of the industry who are anyone attend." Gray smiled upon me. "That's good, Jane. Now, I've just secured a very important client for the event. The styling department of Donovan Decker will be dressing Heidi Klum as well as sending an assistant to the gala." I gasped and tried to resist a squeal. "WHAT? You're kidding!"

Gray glared at me. "I don't kid."

"Right." I calmed myself.

"Now that Jeremy is gone, you and India will oversee the fitting today." I waited. "And who's going to the gala?" Grey gave me a secretive smile. "I'll leave that between the two of you to decide."

"But—" I began to protest, but Gray was already indicating towards the door. I went.

Gray had also given me the unpleasant task of telling India our assignment. With dragging feet I headed to her office. India was at her desk, but she wasn't working; instead, she sat perfectly still, her head buried in her hands. "India—" I ventured. "WHAT?" she shouted at me, her head snapping up. I stumbled back a step. "Good to know you've retained your usual volatility," I muttered. "What did you say?" India narrowed her eyes at me. "Nothing," I said quickly. "Gray has an assignment for us." I briefly filled her in. When I was done, she stood up and began to pace the office. "I'm going to win this, you know that," she said, almost to herself. "Gray didn't say it was a competition," I reminded her.

India perched herself on the edge of the desk, indifferent to the displaced papers that fluttered to the floor. "Oh, poor, naive Jane," she mocked me in a simpering tone. "It's _always _a competition. How do you think Gray got to her place in the company? Certainly not by being nice." I turned to go. "I don't really want to here this…"  
>"No, really, you should. Take it from me, I've seen it all." I wavered, debating whether I should bolt now or listen to what India had to say. "Does the name <em>Kieran Templeton <em>ring a bell to you?" I shook my head. "Should it?"

India laughed shortly, harshly. "Of course not. Kieran was an up and coming designer, young and fresh out of school, just like yourself." I nodded, feeling guilty. "She was quite the creative kind. Jeremy hit on her, of course, and Carter even went out with her a few times. She was a fast favorite of Diaz." I blinked. "Wait, did you say Carter?" India shrugged. "It was several years ago. Things have changed."

"Anyway, Gray didn't like the fact that she had to share her position with a rookie parsons graduate. Jeremy was bad enough. I'm still not sure how she pulled it off, but mere months after Kieran joined our team, she began to encounter legal woes—some other designers suing her for creative license, claiming she had copied their designs. I was her assistant, and I knew this wasn't true. Nevertheless, the bad press got to Diaz and he fired Kieran. Donovan stepped in and promoted Gray as she had been faithfully turning out genius collections amidst the whole scandal, and I was tapped to be her assistant."

I rocked on my heels thoughtfully. "I don't see how this implicates Gray directly." India huffed. "Don't you see, Jane? Gray bribed Bo to file a suit." I turned away. "She could never do that," I argued defensively, emotion welling up within me. _How dare India say such a thing!_

India yawned. "Alright, we might as well do this thing now," she said, stalking out of the office and towards the styling department. I hurried after her, trying to forget about Gray. "Wait, India, what time is Heidi coming in?" "In five," was the aloof reply.

* * *

><p>At first I didn't realize it, but before the day was done, it had become clear: the competition was on, and India was winning. The fitting had gone well, but apparently India had known about it before hand, and not told me. She already had five outfits ready, and while Heidi liked the ensemble I had hastily pulled together, she obviously trusted India more—having worked with her before. I, on the other hand, had to work to push through my starstruck mindset. Of course, India waxed charming as could be, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes more than a few times every time she complimented Heidi on her physique.<p>

The sun had set by the time Carter and I had set the closet back to its original, immaculate order. India was working in the creative department, trying to pick up some of Jeremy's dropped assignments. As the other employees began to pack up and leave, India, Carter, Birdie and I crowded into the elevator. I handed out coffees. "You were good today, Jane," India complimented me, with only a hint of resentment in her voice. I opened my mouth but didn't know what to say. "I just wish I'd been able to come up with more than one outfit," I sighed, looking down. Carter gave me an encouraging side hug. "Just getting assignments like that means you're moving up—" he abruptly shut his mouth as India stomped on his foot. "Hey, I'm just glad you haven't been fired yet!" Birdie grinned, and then cowered as India gave her a look as if to say 'too soon'.

India and I walked to Gray's office, silently. I was dead tired, and couldn't help but feel a bit discouraged. Grey was waiting for us. "Well?" I looked at her blankly. "What? Did I forget something?" I nervously began wracking my brain for something I might have missed.

"Who's going?" Gray asked again. I turned in shock to India. We hadn't even talked about that. "Um, I think India deserves to go," I said quickly. "Heidi liked her outfit best." India smiled smugly. "Heidi's going to be wearing the Mondo Guerra cocktail with Carter jewels," she elaborated.

Gray turned to me. "And what did you put together?" I chewed my lip, trying to remember. "Marchesa, no jewelry, and Jimmy Choos." She studied us both before speaking. "Good choice, both of you. Jane, you're going."

There was a silence as both of us took the news in. "Really?" I choked out, and then I was aware of India's fiery glare focused on me. I turned to face her, sucking in a deep breath. "India, I—"

She took one menacing step forward. "Don't you _dare _talk to me!" She said through gritted teeth, her voice quivering with rage. "I—I'm just going to—" I dashed out of the room.

* * *

><p>"Billy?" I was finally allowed to call him. His good behavior had finally paid off.<p>

"Dude, finally! What took you so long?" He sounded restless, antsy. I laughed, despite myself. "I called you yesterday."  
>"Yeah, well, time passes a lot slower up here. What's up?"<p>

I sighed heavily and sank down on the bench outside the metro station, then recounted the day's events. "Today is just not my day, Billy. I feel like everyone hates me, at school and at work."  
>"You can do it, Janey," he reassured me. "Plus, you get to go to that gala thing. That's gotta count for something, right? This Gray person must really like you. And for the record, I do too."<br>That put a smile on my face. "Thanks. Hey, so are you still coming home on Friday?"

There was a pause. "Nope, change of plans," was the flat reply. I groaned. "Oh, no, I'm sorry, Billy." Suddenly, he chuckled. "Don't be. I'll be back sooner than you think."

"Sweet. How soon?"  
>"Can't tell you that," Billy said mysteriously. "You'll just have to wait and see."<p>

I pouted. "Fine. When you do come home, though, Ben and I will throw you a party."

I could almost see Billy's frown as he groaned. "I don't want you and Ben to do anything special…can't we just talk?"  
>I shrugged. "If that's what you want, we'll talk all night."<br>He was satisfied. "Alright, well, these dudes are glaring at me to get off the phone, so I better go." I sighed.

"Oh, and Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let India push your buttons. I know she can be kind of a—"

"What?"

"Well, you know." I could tell Billy didn't want to say the word, but I found myself thinking them. "Just ignore her. People like that don't deserve you. Just have fun with it, Jane. This is your dream, after all."

He had a point. "Will do," I promised. "And thanks."

"Anytime. Ok, now I really have to go."

I laughed, imaging a bunch of intimidating guys glaring down at him. "See you soon, Billy. Bye."

"I miss you too," Billy mused, but I'd already hung up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Kickstitch**

I groaned and banged the sewing machine's presser foot down with a thud. Why hadn't I altered this skirt yesterday, instead of now, when I barely had time? I grabbed a screwdriver and tweaked the screw on the foot. But it did no good; when I shoved my muslin under it again, the stitches were still loose and crooked. I let out a frustrated sigh and gave up. I grabbed the dress I had made last week off the door, and headed to the bathroom. But once again, Ben had beat me too it. "BEN!" I called, but a second later the door opened. "What do you think?" he asked me, hopefully. I gawked. For once, his shirt was ironed, and he sported a neat pinstripe vest instead of his usually painfully outdated sweaters. "You're…matching!" I sputtered, not understanding. He laughed at my expression. "_This guy," _he gloated as he sauntered to the kitchen, "has a date tonight!"

I pulled out a barstool. "So this thing you have with Ms. Shaw, it's going well?" "Yeah!" he said, enthusiastically. "I mean, not too well but…you know…" I gave him a look. "Do I want to know?" He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yeah, probably not."

"Missing Billy much?" he asked as I shrugged into my organza trench coat. "You have no idea," I sighed. "I can't wait for that guy to come home."

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

It seemed like this was how I spent all my free time: sprawled on the bed with my head hanging over the edge, staring blankly at the ceiling. Apart from the classes and group exercises, I didn't participate in much. They'd said I could go home soon. And I really did look forward to all my old routines; even caddying for Lulu's dad was better than this. I was eager to have my freedom back, and I knew I'd value it more now that I'd lost it once.

I remembered visiting Tommy in jail once, when he and his friends had run into a 7-11 and stolen beer. It was a few years ago, but I remembered feeling embarrassed to tell the people behind the desk that I was here to see my brother—the scruffy one in the holding cell. I hoped Jane wouldn't feel that way about me. She cared far more what others' opinions than I did. My little incident had affected her; even when I had been released on Ben's bail, the whole school acted as if I was a delinquent or something. If there was any doubt about my pariah status as the school's outcast, my position was suddenly and instantaneously solidified. It wouldn't have been so bad if Jane hadn't cast me a sympathetic look whenever she saw me or held onto my arm like a little kid whenever we walked the halls. Ok, I secretly liked her attention, but still…I wished it was for the right reasons.

But then, that was the other thing I'd had time to think about while here. Jane cared. But I couldn't tell exactly how much. And while, in the back of my mind, I'd always assumed that at some point we'd get together, was the timing good for right now? It would be easy to backpedal out to just friends—well, maybe a little harder since I'd kind of offered her my heart when I left—but still. If she liked this Jeremy guy despite what she'd told me, or even, if she wanted to get back with Nick, I had to be her friend and give her that freedom to choose. The last thing I wanted was to push my feelings on her. Maybe if we stayed platonic for a little while longer, things would develop on their own.

I slid to the floor and grabbed my ipod, turning up Metallica to drown my sorrows. I had to think of what was best for my best friend. And since Jane had so much going on already, maybe all she needed was a friend.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I hurried down the school halls, passing Lulu holding my binder up to my face to shield myself from her icy glare. I never would understand Billy's attraction to that girl…

I slid into English just as the teacher was handing out grades. I took the only empty seat left—next to Nick. "Hey," he greeted me, smiling. I couldn't help but smile back. "Heyyy," I said, trying to sound cool and failing. The teacher handed me my paper and I snatched it from him, turning it over. A +. I quickly flipped it over again, hoping no one had noticed. "Good work, Jane," the teacher said in his usual monotone. "Another perfect score, four times in a row. Class, note Jane's exemplary scholastic performance..." I groaned with the rest of the class and sunk further down in my seat. "Hey Jane, good job," Nick whispered not so quietly, but I was too embarrassed to look at him.

"Class, your assignment for the next two weeks is to read the Illiad, by Homer." I sat up. That was one of my favorite books. Cautiously pulling out my phone, I texted Billy. "You won't believe what we're covering in Eng right now. Eek! Wish you were here."

* * *

><p>As usual, I was out of my seat a millisecond before the bell rang at 11:30. Though on rare occasions—like today—I truly did enjoy my classes, work was always a welcome change, my fantasy world to escape to. I had gotten so used to changing in the school bathroom that it was like a routine. I would scurry in with my Birkin, check to make sure all the stalls were empty, then peel off my outer layers—a cardi, leggings, or a jacket. From my bag I would pull fluttery blouses by French Connection, perhaps the latest j-crew crops snagged from one of Gray's sample sales, or a bebe skirt I picked up at the mall on the sale rack. Of course, the shoes were most important. I would wear flats on the metro, but just around the corner from the Donovan Decker building I would slip into Steve Madden or on really special occasions, Christian Louboutins. If only Lulu knew what designers I nonchalantly wore on a daily basis, she'd probably have a jealous breakdown. Several times I'd contemplated flashing her some of the pieces Birdie would sneak me from swag parties, or cast-off last season jewelry from Carter. But I knew it wasn't worth it; she'd never believe me anyway.<p>

I hurried out of school and down to the station to wait. I tried to figure out how to approach India…she was bound to be in a foul mood again, now that Gray had picked her over me to represent Donovan and Decker at the gala. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my ringtone. It was Gray.

"Jane?"  
>"Yes, Gray?"<br>"Where are you?"  
>"I'm on my way to the office right now. What do you need?"<p>

"I'm in Miami, Jane."  
>"I know. I trust your flight was ok?"<br>Gray sighed. "Jane, you booked me on coach."  
>I gasped, and the people around me waiting for the metro looked up. "I'm so, so sorry Gray. It won't happen again, I promise."<p>

"Fine. How's India?"  
>I furrowed my brow. "Was I supposed to be watching her?"<p>

"Yes Jane," Gray said in an exasperated tone. "I thought that was clear. Just because Jeremy was the mole, doesn't mean India isn't guilty of a little shady business. I still don't trust her."  
>"And yet you hired her back…"<p>

"About that, Jane." Gray suddenly dropped her voice, and I had to plug my other ear with my finger to hear her voice over the sudden hubbub as I boarded the metro.

"What?"  
>"I said, it's technically against work policy to fire someone in her condition. So I had no choice but to keep her on."<br>I almost laughed out loud. "Wait, does India know that?" I asked incredulously. This was certainly news to me.

"No, Jane, but I'd like to keep it that way," Gray hinted.

"Right, got it."

"Just keep an eye on her, alright? I'm just going to give her busywork for the next few months until she gets that out of her system."

I frowned. "Don't you think that's a little harsh, Gray? After all, she—"

"Business first, Jane," Gray reminded me.

I sighed. "Right. Personal life is a rare privilege."

"Exactly. Now, I need you to sign for three bolts of chartreuse silk when you get in. And don't let India find out about the shipment, alright?"  
>"Got it."<p>

* * *

><p>At the office I found that the shipment had arrived before I had. "Then who—" Carter wandered in. "Don't worry about it, I signed for you."<p>

"Thanks."  
>I hesitated a moment. "Well, open it!" Carter urged, handing me Jeremy's signature Ginger scissors. I took them gently and slit open the plastic on the long fabric rolls. Carter helped me unravel one roll until it lay in a billowing heap on Gray's office floor.<br>"This won't do," I mused. I glanced out at Jeremy's empty studio and got an idea.

Gray hadn't told us what to do with the silk, exactly, so Carter and I played with it for a while. He taught me how to pin pleats with a board and how to manipulate fabric until it had the illusion of a shirred texture. "How do you know all this stuff?" I asked in wonder. Carter shrugged. "Jeremy wasn't the only one who went to Parsons."

I sank down in a pile of the slippery fabric. "If Gray knew you could do this kind of stuff, why does she keep you in styling and closet?" Carter sank down beside me. "She doesn't, and I'm perfectly happy with my position." He looked it, too. I shook my head. "Well, I finally know what color chartreuse is." I grabbed a handful of the filmy melon colored fabric, holding it up to the window to see the gold tint. "Why does Donovan Decker use silk so much?" Carter began to roll the fabric back up. "I guess you could say it's Donovan's signature choice of fabric; elegant and classic, like he wants this business to be."

I stared down at the city streets dreamily. "Have you ever met Donovan, Carter?" Carter joined me at the window. "Just once. Gray introduced me at some mixer that I'd been allowed to attend after a particularly well styled shoot." He winked at me, and I laughed. "The venue was pretty dark and I could hardly make out his face, but he's a pretty spectacular guy. Juggling this business as well as keeping Gray and Diaz in check is quite a feat, I have to hand it to him."  
>I blinked. "Wait, what?" "Nothing," Carter said quickly, glancing away.<p>

Just then, India sauntered in. "Playing with the silk again, I see," she said, casting a dismissive glance over the yards of fabric strewn around the studio. "Gray was going to design a gown with this stuff, you know." I raised my eyebrows. "Really? I didn't know Gray designed!" I was learning all sorts of secrets about my coworkers.

Carter shook his head and cast me a sidelong glance. "Don't believe her," he mouthed. "Oh, no, I'm telling the truth," India said smoothly, intercepting Carter's little warning. "Just ask Jeremy. He'll back me up."

"Um, Jeremy left already," I said, not sure if she'd known that and not wanting to be the one to break the news. A shadow crossed her face for a second, and then disappeared. "Still, I think Jane should be involved in the design process, don't you, Carter?" Carter wouldn't subject himself to her pointed look. He glanced away. "Wait, what? What are you talking about?" _Me? India had only seen my wedding dress design. She couldn't possibly be serious…_

India leaned against one of the muslin mannequins, and crossed her arms. "Why not? After all, you're the one wearing it." "I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, miffed. India rolled her eyes. "It's quite blatantly obvious, Jane, I'm surprised even you missed it." "Thanks," I said sarcastically. "All this is for you, of course. You're the one going to the gala. Gray picked you," India said, with a note of bitterness in her voice. "So, it only makes sense that you'll go dressed in something exclusively by the Donovan Decker label." I turned her words over in my mind, trying to decide whether or not she was telling the truth. I had planned on wearing something from the closet, perhaps that Monique Lhuillier gown Birdie had imported from the runway in Milan. But maybe India really had a point. Maybe the whole reason Gray had kept this under wraps was to surprise….me! I looked up to find India busily sketching out something in the notebook she had seized from Jeremy's desk. "Wait, what are you doing?" I rushed over, and ripped the paper out of the book before she could stop me. "Jane!" she looked up, her eyes flashing. "I—I—" I backed away slowly, and then ran into someone and stopped. I whirled around and found myself inches from the man himself—Richard Donovan.

* * *

><p>"H-iii," I stuttered.<p>

"Hello," he replied placidly.  
>He was quite tall, and the first thing I noticed was the elegant gray herringbone sharkskin suit which was tailored to perfection. Then I gazed at his chiseled features, smooth as stone and very prominent. He had piercing eyes which for some reason reminded me of the David Beckham ads Gray had had me saving for a design concept, and then I couldn't get <em>that<em>image out of my head. Birdie's quick thinking saved me. She burst into the room, cordially escorting him into Gray's office while Carter and India and I tried to recover from shock. "Did you know he was coming?" I gasped. I had just seen the man who we'd all heard so much about, and he looked exactly like he did in all the company pictorials; well, minus the airbrushing. India shook her head. "I know nothing," she admitted, and for once I believed her. Then she made a grab for the sketch I was still clutching, but I held my hand away. "Can't have it," I called over my shoulder as I dashed out of the office and down the hall. Carter was busily cleaning up the rest of the studio, so I left India in his care without a second thought.

I sank down at my desk and tried to get a peek of the Donovan's back in Gray's office before I grabbed my phone and started dialing.

I tapped my heels together as the phone continued to ring. Just before I was about to hang up, Grey answered.

"Jane, we have a problem."

"Tell me about it. Gray, someone's here to see you—"

"Jane, that's the problem."  
>I blinked. "Ok, what do we do with him?"<p>

"Well, don't ask me," Gray answered, surprised. "He's your brother."  
>"Wait, what?"<p>

"Listen carefully, Jane. Your brother called me on my flight."  
>Suddenly, my heart dropped. "What did he say?" I asked, hoping desperately Ben hadn't gotten any weird ideas and given my secret away.<p>

"He said something about dinner with you tonight in the city," Gray said, obviously irritated she had to be messenger. "I told him you're going to be busy running errands and won't be able to make it." I grabbed the daily list from my desk and read it over. I had barely even started on it. "Right, ok, Gray, it's ok. I'll just cancel." I started texting Ben, then remembered my own news.  
>"Oh, Gray, Donovan's waiting for you in his office."<p>

"Is that so?" She didn't sound the least bit surprised.  
>"Yeah, what do I do with him? Carter says he doesn't think we have a collection to show or anything!"<br>Gray sighed. "You don't _do_ anything. Just stay calm, and distract him. My flight isn't coming in until another hour, but it could be delayed so have Birdie tell him that I won't be able to meet with him." I scribbled down a note on my hand. "Got it."  
>"Jane, show him the new fabric you signed in today. Whip up a sketch, and pair it with some findings. Present a concept to him. You can do that, can't you, Jane?" I gulped. "Ok," I said slowly. "Oh, and don't let him know about Jeremy. We'll keep that between us until the time is right."<p>

_Everyone knows already, _I thought, but said nothing and hung up. I smoothened out India's sketch and stared at it thoughtfully. Then I felt her gaze on me. I looked up. "What?"

She folded her arms and looked at me smugly. "Gray's making you entertain the boss, right?" I blushed. "How did you know?"

"You forget I was once her assistant, Jane."  
>"Right. Um, about that…"<br>"You need my help, don't you?"  
>I shifted uncomfortably.<p>

* * *

><p>"Good morning Mr. Donovan," cooed India as she strode in the meeting room where Gray, Birdie, and the rest of the staff were already seated. She smoothed her skintight black peplum sheath professionally and composed herself. "Thank you so much for waiting." Donovan acknowledged her with a nod, but made no move to accept her outstretched hand. I burst into the room a bit off cue and began to set up the hastily constructed boards Todd—Jeremy's assistant and graphics guy—had helped me print. The boards were just set up and I turned to go, but I tripped as my heel snagged the carpet and in my fall kicked one of the easel legs. The entire setup crashed down on me, right in front of Donovan. He helped me up and for the first time I saw him smile. He reminded me a bit like Jeremy, only more sincere. Apologizing profusely, I reset the boards and stood next to India. I could tell she was itching to explode at me but she kept it in check.<p>

"Beau Bronn has been snatching up practically every fashion cover available in the past five months, and it's time that Donovan Decker made an actual effort to compete."

"I mean, we've been trying, but we need to try harder," I added clenching my fist like I'd seen the jocks do at pep rallies. "Let me do the talking," India whispered through clenched teeth. "Right," I nodded.

"It's time that we seriously pursue the teenage blogosphere realm. This is our comeback. We will market our spring and resort collections to those young, innovative bloggers who have peculiar tastes and an even more critical eye. Once they start wearing Donovan Decker designs, their friends will become interested as well, and then we've opened up an entirely new market for teens. It'll be a higher level than their haute-couture themed forever 21 clothing, but with more edge and personality. Plus, the fact that bloggers will be showcasing our designs instead of models means that young girls will be looking to them for accessorizing and styling instead of the unattainable looks from the industry professionals. Jane?"  
>I started and tried to remember my rehearsed bit. "Right, and these teens will feel like their personal style isn't being put in a box or pushed down their throats. They'll have more freedom to express themselves, and word will get around that Donovan Decker is the 'to have' designer label. Beau Bronn and his team are targeting the group we've been trying and failing to reach for years—the upper class socialite woman—but she already has enough to read in Vogue and Elle and Harper's Bazaar. If Donovan Decker published an ad campaign in Teen Vogue, even if it's just a one page spread in their April issue…" I glanced down at the notes scribbled on my hand. "My research shows that sales will spike an estimated 15%, and even more as the hottest styles and brands travel through social media and the blogosphere." I looked at Donovan hopefully. He was stroking his chin. Across the table, Diaz was trying to imitate him and ended up looking quite comical. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. "It's a good concept," Donovan mused at last. "Let me see your looks."<p>

India smoothly pushed the first board off towards me. I caught it awkwardly. "Prom season is coming up. I say we go with a young and fresh collection, a plethora of flirty dresses in a variety of runway-inspired styles and colors. But we'll also make some of the styles casual enough to wear a second time. Similar to the wear-it-again bridesmaid dress concept."

Donovan tilted his head. "How do you know our clients will go for this? It's in a drastically different direction than the company usually goes." "Trust Jane," India said quickly, and I looked at her, surprised. Her look silenced me. "Jane knows what she's talking about. She's right out of school, and did several of our trend reports last month." That seemed to satisfy Donovan. He nodded and waved for us to continue. I allowed myself to breathe as India went on to pitch our concept. We brought in a model the people at Wilhelmina had sent over—she was a little older than our demographic, but it was all we could get on short notice. She was wearing some of the chartreuse silk, draped into a half-grecian half-punk prom mini. India had taken care only to cut the fabric twice, as we really had no idea what Gray's plan for it was. One of the hair stylists from L'Oreal Paris had helped us out with the hair, and Carter and I had styled the shoes and jewelry. India had whipped together other looks, too.

I watched her show Polaroid's of my own outfit and I was glad I had kept my eggplant Victoria Beckham dress, a gift from Gray, handy. It had been the only thing I could find in my size that they hadn't already used. I scanned the faces of the others. Diaz was fixated on Beau, who at the moment seemed to be buying it.

India signaled to me. "In conclusion," I said, stepping forward, "We can one-up our competition by appealing specifically to this younger demographic of 16-25. We can also have a full concept drawn up by the end of the week, should you decide it's worth using." I paused, and looked down, debating whether to speak or hold back. I drew in a breath. "I think it's time that the industry stopped trying to make teens want what they're selling. Instead, Donovan Decker can be the first to sell them…what they want."

I shut my eyes for a brief second, hoping I hadn't ruined the whole thing. When I opened them, the whole table was applauding us. "Well done," Donovan said, shaking India's hand. She beamed. He turned to me. "Not bad for Gray's assistant," he said with a complementary smile, before he looked over my head and congratulated Diaz. I let it slide. After all, I was still floating around in my happy place.

* * *

><p>Gray arrived a half an hour after Donovan left. India and I explained everything to her, showing her the rudely made concept boards, India emphasizing our time constraint. "Who thought this up?" she asked me, evenly. "I just expounded on what we did for the trend reports last month," I said slowly, then caught India's eye. "But I never could have pulled this off without India's help." Gray turned to her. "Is that so?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. Then she turned back to me. "Jane, I had given you a warning during our little conversation earlier. Do you remember?" Suddenly, I did. I stomped my foot in frustration. "Oh my gosh. I'm so, so, sorry, Gray. It won't happen again!" To my consternation, Gray only smiled. "I believe you. This time, it's fine, Jane." She eyed the chartreuse gown, now dressed on Jeremy's mannequin. "I suppose it wasn't such a bad idea letting India near the shipments after all. I've underestimated you. Both of you." India and I exchanged a glance, and for the first time, she gave me something of a smile. A genuine thanks.<p>

Then Gray was walking again, this time towards her office. I scurried after her. "I have a long makeup meeting with Donovan ahead of me, I'm sure," she was saying. "We've got to figure out why he came here in the first place. I didn't tell him we had anything to show." "Um, Gray?" I interrupted her. "Can I go now?" She waved her hand. "Yes, go. Good job today, Jane. Continue to keep this up, and I just might trust you."  
><em>I thought you already did, <em>I mused, as I hurried downstairs and outside into the New York sunset.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I stepped off the metro and headed down the street, and despite my motto jacket I felt myself shivering in the crisp night air. This was what freedom felt like. I wanted to punch a fist in the air and holler, but I knew I couldn't afford to blow it. I checked my watch and whipped out my phone, dialing the number I had memorized by heart.

It rang once.

"Billy?" Jane's voice was surprised.

"Hey, Janey," I said, trying not to give anything away in my voice.

"Did you get my text? I haven't heard from you all day."  
>"Yeah, I did. Sorry about that."<br>"It's ok. You won't believe the day I had. Gray was flying so I had to take over all these duties and the boss came to visit and I think India and I are now on mutual terms and—"

"Look, Janey," I interrupted her. "I wanna see you tonight."  
>"O-k," Jane said slowly. "But how? It's pretty late, Billy. Plus, I'm pretty beat. I don't think Ben's gonna let me drive upstate, especially on a school night."<br>"You won't have to," I replied, as I spotted a figure up ahead.

"Wait, what do you mean?" she asked, suspiciously.

"Look up," I grinned, and pocketing the phone as I waved to Jane. She ran the last block, weaving her way clumsily around the passersby. I couldn't help breaking into a grin as I held my arms out. She leapt into them and I swung her around just like when we were little. "You're back!" she cried, and buried her head in my shoulder, clinging to me tightly. "Better than ever," I spoke through her mass of dark curls. For a while we stood there, letting people flow past us, not caring at all. Then she pulled back. "I've missed you, Billy," she said, ruffling my hair fondly. "I missed you more," I said as I swiped a kiss across her cheek. "Wait," she said, an edge in her voice, but I took hold of her wrists before she could pull away completely. "Listen to me," I begged. She nodded, looking at me with those big doe eyes of hers. I tried not to get lost in them as a thousand conflicting thoughts rushed through my head. I ignored them and continued. "Think. How long did Odysseus and Penelope before they saw each other again?" I hoped she knew the Illiad as well as I did. "Several years," she said, squinting. "Twenty, to be exact," I corrected her. "And then what happened?" "They were reunited at last," she breathed. I wet my lips. "Janey, you have no idea how long I've waited for you. Can I at least have a chance?"

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I froze. He was serious, and the pleading in his eyes was sincere. In an instant, I thought of all the times we'd stood up for each other, been there for each other, _clung_ to each other through this nightmare called high school. Then for some reason, I thought of my sewing machine, sitting at my desk at home. Ten straight stitches, one crooked one. The same pattern, over and over. My eyes refocused on Billy, and I faced my emotions again, but this time without doubt.

"Yes," I said simply. Billy was my kickstitch, and I hoped this was one move I wouldn't regret.


	9. Chapter 9

**Dear Readers,**

**Thus ends week two. I am updating every other day. April Blair (Jane by Design's showrunner) that she believes Billy and Jane are ultimately meant to be together. I hope so, but somehow I have a feeling the show will drag it out another few seasons yet. **

**Well, at least we can all dream…here. **

**I'm listening: a lot of you asked for longer chapters. So, here they are. Also, someone wanted titled chapters. Done. Finally, I'll be elaborating more on Jane's school and home life for balance (but still keeping up on her fantasy adventures at work!) **

**There you go. Ask anything and you shall receive. **

**Until the next chapter washes away our Monday blues—**

**Clarissa**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9 Changes &amp; Confessions<strong>

**Jane**

I yawned and turned over, squinting through the bright sunlight at the time on the alarm clock. Then I flipped over on my back again, not wanting to drag myself out of bed. _This will be interesting, _I thought. _Billy's going back to school for the first time in a month. _I hoped things would go as smoothly as Ben had predicted last night, but then Ben was horrible at predicting anything.

But it was so good to have him back, I reflected. I had missed him, but hadn't realized to what extent until he'd shown up yesterday. He was the same, yet he had changed, though I didn't want to admit it. It was more than that, though. I hadn't been allowing myself to think much about the 'what ifs' of our relationship. I had been focusing on the past, all the great and less-than-stellar moments we'd experienced together. But the future was something I hadn't wanted to think about, perhaps because at this point it was so uncertain and that uncertainty scared me. Now, I had to think about the looming unknown. I had agreed to _something_ last night, impulsively and by instinct. Was I really ready to sacrifice our entire friendship for this risk of a situation? But Billy had seemed pretty confident about the whole thing, and I knew he didn't think about things that much unless they were extremely important. By what he'd told me last night, I could tell he'd mulled over it all—his desires, his frustrations, his feelings. Which may be unusual for the stereotypical teenage punk type, but then he definitely wasn't average….Billy the intellect was far more than just skin deep.

I stretched, bounced out of bed, and padded down the hallway in search of coffee. I sleepily poured myself a cup when a noise distracted me.

"Hey," Billy said, coming up behind me. Suddenly I could feel his warm breath on my neck. Startled, my hand jolted. Coffee splashed on the counter, spotting my pajamas in the process. I groaned.

"I'll get it," Billy said quickly, maneuvering around the counter towards the paper towel holder. "Wait," I blinked. "Where have you been?"

"Sleeping," he answered, giving me a funny look. I stared at him.

"You didn't go home?" He shook his head. "Nah. Tommy had a thing and I didn't want to spend my first night home in an empty apartment." I finally noticed that he was wearing the same thing as yesterday, and his hair was slightly more disheveled than usual. "So you slept here," I concluded.

Billy nodded towards the couch. "Don't worry, I asked Ben."  
>"You could've just crashed in my room," I pointed out.<p>

"Mmm, but I don't think Ben would like that."  
>"What's the big deal?" I asked. "You've done that plenty of times before."<br>Billy sat down opposite me at the table. "Yeah, but things are different now, Janey," he said, glancing away. I looked at him with heavy lidded eyes. "Are they really?"  
>"How's the lover boy this fine morning?" Ben's chipper tone grated on both of us.<p>

"Shut up Ben," I moaned, burying my head in my folded arms.

"Dude, not the best time," Billy protested, but I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face. Ben caught the hint, and he pretended to nod knowingly and smile. "Oh, so you guys don't want me to say anything. It isn't official yet?"

Billy shifted in his seat and bit his lower lip to keep from laughing. "You could say that." Then he leaned in towards me. "Seriously, lover boy?" he snickered. "Where does he get this stuff?" I glanced at Ben, but he was busy picking the raisins out of his cereal, whistling annoyingly. "Who knows. You can't tell we're related, right?" Billy gasped sarcastically. "Oh, totally, no resemblance whatsoever."

I shot Billy a look and he nodded. "Right."

"Ok, well, I think we'll be going now," he said, getting up and combing a fist through his hair. "You guys still have time," Ben protested between mouthfuls of Raisin Bran. "Stay and eat."  
>"You know what, I think I'm good," Billy said, grabbing my purse and bookbag off the counter and heading towards the door. "C'mon, Jane," he called back, giving me a wink. "Get dressed."<p>

I did, thumbing through my closet in a flurry. I grabbed a red skirt, one of my favorite ruffled blouses, some statement jewelry, and flats. I stumbled into my clothing and flew down the porch steps, eager to set off on a trip we probably wouldn't be telling Ben about.

Billy was leaning against his car, holding the door for me. I climbed in, and breathed in the welcome smell of decaying leather mixed with ketchup. I'd driven Billy's car a few times to school when he was away, but it hadn't seemed the same. Now things were back to how they should be, and I didn't bother to wipe the smile off my face as he slid into the seat next to me. "Where are we going?" "School," he answered, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. "No, really." He sighed and turned the ignition. "Really, we're going to school." He paused. "But first, a detour." He handed me a slip of paper, and I read the address incredulously. "Are you serious?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me in response, and I shook my head in disbelief.

* * *

><p>We got to school five minutes late, but neither of us minded much. Billy threw his arm around me comfortably, and we chatted all the way down the hall to our lockers, ignoring the looks the others gave us in passing.<p>

The bell rang and Billy pulled his beanie on over his tousled fauxhawk. "See you at lunch," he said, giving my hand a squeeze. I froze, and could only manage a nod at his back as he sauntered off to class. It was stranger than I had expected, having Billy to myself again. This would definitely take some getting used to.

* * *

><p>I was sitting at my own table at lunch when Nick came over and sat down. "Hi Nick," I said, hurridly wiping my mouth. "Hey Jane," he said, grinning. I took note of his sharp attire. It had a preppy vibe to it. "You look nice."<br>Nick shrugged. "Think so? I decided I'd try some of the things you told me the other day…." As he leaned towards me, I glanced over my shoulder and noticed Billy walking towards us. "Um, that's great Nick!" I said quickly. "But now's not really the time—"

"Hey, are we good?" he asked me, concerned. I nodded. "Oh, totally," I assured him, but I didn't sound very convincing. Nevertheless, Nick smiled with relief. "Oh, ok, because for a moment there I thought that…" he looked away. "You know what, it doesn't matter. Hey, so do you wanna try dinner again tonight?" "I—I—"I stuttered as Billy slid into the seat beside me. "Is this guy bothering you, Jane?" he squinted at Nick, who held up his hands in defense. "No way, man. Billy folded his arms and stared at Nick silently until he got up awkwardly. "I'll see you around, Jane," he said, and left.

"You didn't have to do that," I said, shaking my head. "He was just being nice."

"Jane, I used to be a nice guy. I know what those kind of guys are thinking, and it's not pretty." I eyed my best friend suspiciously. "What are you now?" Billy chewed his apple slowly. "I'm different. The slammer has changed me." I rolled my eyes. "Enough about these changes already."  
>"But it's true," he protested quietly.<p>

"Oh? You're not bringing back the preppy do—"

Suddenly Billy laughed. "Heck no. Don't worry Jane, I'm still the same guy. I'm just more...more protective."  
>"Yeah, I got that part," I said, rolling my eyes and shoving him in the shoulder. Inside, I wondered where all this was coming from. Then, suddenly—I knew.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I strutted down the hallways, absorbing the familiar vibe of the school while taking my time getting to Spanish class. It was a new semester, but the school and the students hadn't changed a bit. I was beginning to hope that maybe school and I—our relationship just might be fixable. I grinned at the girls who were staring at me, trying to be subtle and failing. I sauntered past them, throwing back a peace sign. Harper was lingering at the top of the stairs, maybe trying to figure out how she was going to descend them without giving everyone a peep show in her super short mini skirt. "Hey Harper," I said, catching her attention.

"Billy!" She hastened down the steps and I looked away. "How have you _been?" _She was standing so close I could smell her perfume. I took a step back uncomfortably. "Um, fine."

"Did they brand you?" I blinked. "Huh?"  
>"The Nazi's used to give the inmates number tattoos," she explained, no doubt proud to have gleaned something from class.<p>

I raised an eyebrow. "You do know detention isn't jail, right?"  
>Harper gasped. "Wait, you've been in the principal's office all this time?" It was no use.<br>I rolled up my sleeve. "See, no tattoos. At least, no new ones." Then I backed away before she could start poking at my biceps.

"Look, have you seen Lulu?"  
>"Yeah," she said indifferently. I waited.<p>

"Where?"

"Oh," Harper jumped, drifting back to earth. "She's in the band room."  
>"The…what? Lulu isn't in band."<br>"Mmm, but Chase is."  
>I folded my arms. "Who's Chase?"<br>Harper smiled coyly. "Her beau."

I stared at her. "Wait, what?"

"Look it up," she said, giggling and batting her eyelashes at me.  
>"I gotta go," I said suddenly, and took off.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I texted Nick back later in the bathroom.

"Sorry about lunch today."

"It's fine."

"You know, now that Billy's back, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to do anything soon."  
>"Alright, if that's what you want…"<br>"You know it's not like that."  
>"Really, Jane? Because I don't really know. You don't tell me these things."<p>

"Nick, sometimes I just can't, ok?"  
>"Fine."<p>

"Come on, can't you at least try to understand?"  
>"I'm trying, but a little explanation could help."<br>"Ok. Billy and I are still trying to get back into our groove. And I don't know how he feels about you, and Lulu, and all that stuff."

"Seriously? It's been what, like a month? I was kinda hoping he'd just forgive and forget."  
>"He's not as laid back as you think. And personally, I think it's great that he's trying to be more mature."<br>"Ok, as interesting as this is talking about your best friend's emotional issues…"

"Right. Sorry. You know what, just forget about it."

"Look, would it make things better if I just talked to the dude?"

"Maybe. Do what you want. Just don't get in a fight or anything."

"Don't trust me, huh?"  
>"No," I said slowly. "I just don't trust him."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I spotted Judge Pope heading towards me and took a deep breath. It had been a surprise to get his call about caddying again, and I had to admit it was a little intimidating. I didn't let myself get nervous, though.

"Hey—I mean—Good afternoon Judge," I greeted him, swinging taking his bag of clubs and swinging it over my back.

"Billy," he nodded stiffly, looking me over with a calculating look. "Glad to see you're back. I trust your stay was worthwhile?"

"Totally," I enthused. "I really felt like I was able to explore the meaning behind it all, you know? Like, I kinda realized high school should be so much more than just this current _torture._ I'm meant for bigger things and now I've got aspirations and goals and… stuff…" I trailed off. The judge was giving me a funny look.  
>"Ok. Are you done?"<br>I nodded.

"Let's get started then." He headed off down the green, and I jumped into the cart to follow. So that was how it was going to be. The whole forgive and forget trick. Or maybe just forget.

Later, as I was getting ready to pull out of the country club, I noticed Nick in my rear view mirror. I groaned and rolled down the window before he could raise his fist to knock.

"What do you want, dude?"

"Can we talk?"  
>"Ok, sure, and then we'll paint our nails and watch John Hughes." I rolled my eyes.<p>

"Seriously?" Nick shook his head at me. "And Jane said you liked those movies." I groaned and began to roll the window back up, but Nick gripped the glass.

"You know what, it's my fault." I gave up trying to turn the lever and sat back. "It is," I agreed, hiding my uncertainty at what exactly we were talking about.

"I just want a minute, ok?" I flipped the engine off and got out of the car. "Fine. Shoot."

"Ok, well," Nick rubbed his hands together, unsure of where to start.

"Look, I'm sorry about Lulu. I…didn't mean to step on whatever you guys had together."

I tilted my head. "Know what, it's ok," I said mildly. "We were over before that." I waited.

Nick let out a breath and shifted his tennis bag to the other side. "Great."

"Great." There was a pause, then Nick changed the subject.  
>"So Jane and I have been talking and—" I smirked. "You two seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Anything else I should know about?"<br>Nick took one step towards me. "Look, you gotta believe me, I haven't touched her since you left."

I sniffed. "Good. Because if you ever dare try something like that again on my girl, I'll—" I stopped and bit my tongue. I'd said too much.

"Wait a minute," Nick said, a smile creeping across his face in realization. I could almost see the gears turning as he mentally put it all together. "You're after her," he said slowly, shaking his head. I opened my mouth a few times, but I couldn't find words. Suddenly, I wanted to kick myself for being so stupid.

Nick chuckled in disbelief. "I should've known, huh? I have to hand it to you. You were the last person I thought would try to pull something off…" I stared at him placidly, not allowing my indignation crack through. "What are you really here for?" I said quietly, squinting at him.

Nick gave up the act and shrugged. "I wanted to make sure things were ok between the two of us, but I guess—" I held up a hand, cutting him off. "Listen, I'm still pretty pissed about what you did to Jane. But…" I thought of the Judge. "The past's the past. And we couldn't change it if we tried." Nick looked at me with respect. "What's that from?" I shoved his shoulder. "Me, genius." Nick nodded, contemplatively. "So we're good?" I hesitated for a moment. "We're good. But…"

"But what?" Nick reminded me of the little kid who sits on the edge of the seat with his mouth agape, anticipating the end of the movie. I wanted to laugh at him, but I restrained myself.

"But," I said, drawing it out, "We're going to have to let Jane choose. It's really up to her, anyway."

"You're probably right," Nick agreed.  
>I slid back into the front seat. "Dude, I <em>know."<em>

Nick leaned against the car. "I don't have a chance," he muttered. You guys have more history together." Despite myself, I felt the need to cheer him up. "Hey," I said, sticking my head out the window. "I wouldn't be so sure. She likes you a lot, too." He waved. "Thanks, man."  
>I jerked my chin towards him, then flipped on my glasses and sped off.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I arrived at work just in time to catch Grey on the webcam. "So Grey, about these instructions for the dry cleaners' tailor…"

"Yes?" Grey flickered onto the screen, dressed in a floor length kimono and gown. "I can't read this," I admitted, squinting closely at the inky cramped script on my list.

"Just tell Schwann to make sure the sleeves are peeking, Jane." "Right." I grabbed a pen and jotted down the note.

"Jane, I found out why Donovan paid us that unexpected visit." My head jerked up. "Really? Why?"

Gray lowered her tone and I listened intently, keeping an eye on India, who was trying to spy on me from her office across the hallway. I waved at her and she blushed, turning away. "Jane!" Gray's forceful tone commanded my attention. I turned back to the screen. "Sorry, what?"  
>"Donovan Decker is going public."<br>I stared at her blankly. "Okayyy. What does that mean?"  
>Gray sighed and rubbed her temples. "It means, Jane, that our entire team will be let go within the next month." I froze. "WHAT?"<p>

"Calm down, it isn't as bad as it sounds."

"Gray, you don't know how much I need this job! I have to support myself, and others, and they're gonna take our house if I don't pay the bills and—"

"Jane, sit down." I obeyed.

"You will have the chance to reapply for the job again," Gray assured me. "They're only keeping on the most important assistants, and I have no doubt you'll pass through fine." _That's because you don't know what's really going on, _I thought to myself. If Grey found out my true age and position in this company, I was toast!

"I need to call my brother," I said emptily, trying to shake myself back to reality as I walked slowly to Grey's desk for the phone.

"No need to do that, Jane." Grey smiled ever so slightly. "I already did."

* * *

><p>I changed at work into an white asymmetrical mini with a short peplum skirt, then headed off to Beso to meet Billy and Ben for dinner. I should've been excited about dining at a fancy restaurant in the city, but instead I felt almost sick. My job was in danger, again, and this time, there was no way I could keep the truth from coming out.<p>

Billy was playing with the sugar packets at the table when I arrived. "Wow," he oogled, losing interest with the sugar. I sat down next to him in the booth, and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Billy," I moaned, "tell me what to do."

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, we were still waiting for Ben. Billy was trying to distract me from work. "My point is, I think you should consider it," he was saying. "Nick's not…a bad guy." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, really? Let's see, we've only had one full date, and after that he cheated on me."<p>

Billy examined his thick paper napkin carefully before twisting the edge into a rope. "Billy…" I cautioned. He ignored me. "Well, you did walk out on him a couple times, though," he pointed out. "That was once. And I came back!" I protested. "I know. And I'm counting the camping thing too. But still….don't you think you guys deserve another chance?"

"I thought _you _wanted another chance. What's with you, Billy? Why is it so important to you that me and Nick get back together again?"

He nonchalantly pulled a cigarette lighter from his pocket and proceeded to set the napkin on fire. I quickly grabbed his hand and the napkin and doused them both in my generously large water glass. He made a face, which I ignored. "Where did you get that?" ""Just think about it, ok?" He said, dodging my question.

I knew he was hiding something, he had that look. "I just want to make sure you know your options here, Janey. I mean, we can always be friends. We don't have to do it now…"

"But isn't that what you want?" I protested. "Well, yeah," he admitted. "But I want what's best for you more."

I rolled my eyes. "You sound like Ben."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," he said, giving up his games and facing me seriously.

"I guess I get what you're saying, and while Nick and I made up—_in a purely figurative way," _I emphasized, "I still can't get over the fact that he cheated on me. I don't think you know how much that hurts," I said, then blushed. "Sorry." Billy tilted his head. "It's ok, Lulu and I weren't meant to be."

"I'm tired of playing around," I confessed. "My job is making me realize that there are far more important things to do in life than worry about high school. And…although like Nick, he's not the one for me."  
>Billy sighed with relief. "Good to know."<p>

At that moment, Ben entered the scene—sweaty and out of breath. "Hey," I said, handing him the other good napkin to mop his head. He took it gratefully and eyed me. "That's an interesting dress," he commented.

"Thanks," I beamed.

"I think it looks hot," Billy piped up. "Hey," Ben said, disapprovingly. "Sorry," he grinned.

"Look Jane, we need to talk."

"Is that why you called this meeting?"  
>Ben hesitated. "Well, <em>he<em> invited himself…." _He_ sat up straight. "Hey, I'm here for moral support.'

I sighed. "What is this about?"  
>"I've been thinking about your job situation these past few weeks, and I've been talking to some people, and I've come to the conclusion that you're gonna have to tell Gray."<br>"She called you?"  
>"Yeah, but this doesn't really have anything to do about that. Besides, you knew you had to tell her at some point."<br>I looked down. "I guess I was just hoping you could..."

"Turn a blind eye?" Ben finished. "I wish I could, Jane, really. But it isn't right."

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I looked at Jane to see how she was taking it. She looked close to tears. I tried to put my arm around her but she shoved me away. "I can't lose this, Ben! This is my life!"

"I promise I'll do everything in my power to make sure you can continue your internship," Ben said earnestly. "But some things, like this job rehiring stint, are out of my hands. I'm just saying we've got to be prepared in case it doesn't go through."

Jane stood up abruptly, knocking her purse over in the process. The contents spilled all over our seat. "I can't do this," she said in a tight voice, and gave me a pleading look with brimming eyes. Then she bolted. I looked after her, then hastily scooped up the scattered items and shoved them back into the purse. My hand rested on a rumpled piece of paper, and I unfurled it curiously. "I need to fix this, don't I?" Ben said, exhale heavily. "I'll deal with her," I assured him in a distracted tone as I continued to stare at the paper.

Outside, I found Jane sitting on the curb waving her hand half-heartedly in an attempt to flag a cab. I sank down beside her and handed over my kerchief to dab her eyes. "Janey," I said gently, "You did have a life before this. And I know it wasn't perfect, but it was pretty good, and if things change, we'll just go back to that. " "I can't!" Jane sobbed at me. "Yeah, you can. We'll get through it." I pressed the white scrap into her palm. "You got me."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 Complications **

**Jane **

Pasts. They're something we all have to face at some point. In fashion, it's all about moving forward, forgetting the past and anticipating the next big thing. But no matter how many fresh and inspired looks are turned out onto the spring runways, one thing is true: nothing is really _new. _It's all been done before. Everything finds its reference point in some far-back origin. At some point, fashion always turns on itself and draws from the past.

I see it now in the trends stolen from the seventies and eighties, and I'm sure that in ten years' time, the grunge wear I saw growing up will reappear, remarketed as reinvented chic. I guess the same goes for my life, too. I never truly expected I'd end up with my dream job, but then, in a way I did. I can't forget the hours I spent sprawled on my bed, pouring over my scrapbooks of Vogue spread cut-outs and scraps of fabric. For some reason, I had gotten this notion into my head that the dazzling fantasy world of fashion would lead me to my mother. It seemed to make sense; Dad had always told me she had great style. He also used to say that I had a talent—an eye for style that someday could carry me far. I always believed him, even when he was gone. Ben had done his best to keep my dream alive, even when it meant he had to give up his. I was more grateful to him then I had ever been honest enough to express in words. Sometimes he could get on my nerves, though, as all brothers do. And sometimes, in the heat of the moment, I forgot why this connection to my past was so important.

* * *

><p>"You're going to have to spill the secret now or later," Ben was saying from the backseat. I twisted to face him. "Yeah, I prefer later." I jutted my chin out obstinately. Ben sighed. "Think about it, Jane. The longer you hold out, the more you're risking people finding about this." I rolled my eyes. "Ben, I've been keeping this thing under wraps for months. I doubt people are going to find out now." From the driver's seat, Billy gave me a sidelong glance. "I dunno, Janey. He's making a good point." He ducked as I made a pass for his head. "Seriously, how long is it gonna be until India or that British dude put the pieces together? "His name is Jeremy," I corrected. "I don't really care," was the reply.<p>

"Jane, just listen to me—"

"I am, really." I turned and squeezed Ben's hand reassuringly. "I just don't see why we have to decide now. Can't this wait until after school? We're almost there." Billy swerved unto a parallel space in front of the school, and the car jolted to a stop. Ben gave Billy a helpless look. "Look, Ms. Shaw is going to be making an announcement today about college resumes, and you're going to have to put down your internship. I just don't want you to have to lie, because your position isn't exactly legal."

"I'll figure something out." I tumbled out of the car and grabbed my purse. "Promise me you'll talk to Gray," Ben called after me. I stopped, and turned. "I will," I promised, sincerely.

"For the lady," Billy grinned jokingly, appearing at my side with my bookbag. "Thanks." I took it from him. "Don't forget this afternoon, ok?" He threw up a few fingers. "You know I won't."

* * *

><p>I was finishing up my algebra assignment on the board when my phone vibrated. Even from the front of the class I could hear it clatter around on the seat. I glanced furtively at the teacher, whose back was turned to me. I motioned quickly to Billy, who was in the next seat. I caught my signal and flipped open the phone. His eyebrows shut up, and he ignored my exaggerated gesticulating as he leisurely wrote a note down in his textbook.<p>

"Ah, Mr. Feldberg?" The teacher looked up, and Billy cleared his throat. "I'm confused," he lied. I smacked my head and made cutting throat motions, but he ignored me. Feldberg raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Nutter, I'm surprised. You usually pick up on the material pretty quickly…" He made his way over to Billy and bent over the problem in the textbook. Billy held up the other one so I could read it. I gasped.  
>"Um, Mr. Feldberg?" I ventured. He turned. "What now?"<p>

"I…need to go to the bathroom…" I finished scrawling out the problem, then grabbed my purse on the way out, noting that Billy had backhandedly snuck my phone back in.

Outside, in the empty hallway, I pulled it out and hurriedly read the text message. It was from Gray: "Jane, the team is doing a shoot for Teen Vogue. I want you to be one of the stylists. I need you in at one." I groaned. No time for lunch, again.

I heard the tapping of heels down the hard floor, and turned to see Lulu headed towards me. Instinctively, I froze. Up until now, my tactic of avoiding her at all costs so as not to incur the fury of Lulu had worked. Of course, I knew that at some point I'd have to face her. "Hey, Lulu," I said weakly, and tried to shift around her and back to class. She grabbed my arm. "Stop." I did.

"Look, I'm really, really sorry—" I began.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." Lulu faced me, tossing her dark glossy curls. "I just wanted to say…." She paused, almost as if she didn't want to say something but was going to anyway. "I just thought you should know that things are good between us." I gawked. "What?" I blinked, not wanting to believe it. After all the trouble I'd taken to avoid her, Lulu was saying everything between us was ok? It seemed too good to be true.  
>"Um. Are you ok?"<br>She nodded, glancing away. "My dad is sending me to boarding school for the semester as punishment." Between the cracks in her perfect exterior, I caught a glimpse of the real like for Lulu Pope; the girl who had always strived to rise above the expectations of her father, the girl who—because of me—had failed. I almost felt sorry for her. "Um. So…you're not mad at me for taking the top spot in class?" She glared at me. "Of course I am." Then she hesitated. "But…I know that it wasn't your fault, and I just….wanna leave on a positive note." There was an awkward pause. I wasn't used to dealing with this nice Lulu. I fumbled for things to say. "So, are you gonna say goodbye to Billy?" She shook her head. "He won't even look at me." "That's not true," I protested. "I'm sure he'll want to know at least."

"Don't you get it, Jane?" she said acidly, and I recognized the Lulu I knew again. "We're over."

"She's right," Billy said quietly, sauntering down the hall towards us. I stared at him and he held up his hands. "I know, I know. If I'm not back in there in two minutes you'll see me in detention." I mouthed to him urgently and he nodded. "Don't worry, I won't miss it!" he reassured me. Then he turned back to Lulu. "Despite all you dragged me through…" he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "It'll be weird to see you go," he finished in an aloof tone.

I took my cue and hurried back to class.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I lingered a moment longer, and Lulu gazed at me with teary eyes. "I liked you, a lot," she said, and made a move to wrap herself around me like she'd been so used to doing. I stepped back. "Come on, Lu, drop the act. We both know you'll be back." She nodded. "You can bet on it." "Well…guess this is it." I nodded with finality; there wasn't anything else left to say. She turned and began to walk away. I watched her a moment, then in a few bounding steps caught up. "Bye, Lu," I said, keeping my voice flat as I pecked her on the cheek. She turned and hopefully wrapped her arms around my neck. I gingerly disentangled myself.

"Another chance?" Her eyes were pleading, but I shook my head. "Sorry, I can't."Then turned my back before she could maneuver anything else out of me. Biting my lip in concentration, I slipped back into class.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

Noon found me in the backseat of Billy's car, stumbling into my netted hose. "I can't believe Lulu's leaving so suddenly," I mused. "I mean, it seriously wasn't that big of a deal, the whole class placement thing…" Billy shifted and looked at me through the rear view mirror. "You seemed to think so." I rolled my eyes. "That's different." He smiled. "Whatever you say." "I mean, she just looked so—" "Let's talk about tonight," Billy said abruptly, changing the subject. I guessed he was uncomfortable now, so I didn't push it. "I'll meet you at your place at six," I promised, and he nodded. "See you there."

* * *

><p>Birdie ambushed me the moment I stepped into the door. "Jane!" I turned and took in her all red ensemble. "Yeah—I mean, yes?"<p>

She handed me a fat envelope. "Here's all you need to know about your position," she said, bubbling over with excitement. I could visibly see her body vibrating. "Um, thanks." I ripped it open on my desk, spilling out the contents. "Wait, what is this for?"  
>"You're styling position, silly!" Birdie giggled. "Seriously, Jane, I'm impressed. Gray doesn't let just anyone be a guest stylist on set, especially for photo shoots of this caliber!" "Gray trusts me," I said confidently, reassuring myself that that really was why I'd been given this assignment.<p>

Later, as Carter showed me around the photoshoot set for the next day, I began to feel not so sure. "Do I have to use all of this?" I asked, gazing at the long and intimidating collection of accessories, pumps, and jewelry laid out meticulously on one of the styling tables organized by color. Carter laughed. "Heck no. Just pick what you like, and go with your instinct." I nodded, and began to imagine outfit combinations in my head. "So, who will we be dressing?" I wondered aloud.

At that moment, Jeremy swept in. "I'm back," he beamed.

* * *

><p>"What's Jeremy doing here?" I whispered to Gray, as the lighting crew hurried in to set things up. "He and India will be vying for a position for the rehire, so I thought they might as well start competing now," Gray explained with her usual coy smile. I gulped. "Is that really such a good idea, pitting them against each other? After all, we <em>are <em>a team." Gray inclined her head towards me. "You're not very fond of betrayal, are you, Jane?" I shook my head, thinking before replying. "It's not really my thing."

"I understand." Gray paused. "However, I am under no such moral constraints." "Wait a minute, we still can't technically fire India, right?" Gray nodded. "So then what's the point of—" But Gray was walking away from me now, and I didn't dare follow. Instead, I made up my mind to fix things myself.

* * *

><p>India was in her office, yelling at one of the designers. I waited patiently until the door opened and the poor girl came out sobbing. I handed her a tissue and hurried in. "India, do you have a minute?"<br>India glared at me, still red in the face from her tirade. "NO."

"Greeeat." I pressed on before she could say anything else. "Grey can't fire you."  
>India raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow. "What did you just say?"<br>I repeated myself, and watched as India slowly came around her desk to face me. "That's just fine," she said placidly.

"Wait, did you already know that?" She nodded.  
>"India," I exploded, "I really want to feel sorry for your situation, I really do, but you can't just use this to leverage others out!"<p>

"I can't?" India was amused. I continued. "What does Jeremy think about all this?"  
>India rolled her eyes at me. "That's the problem. He's not going to step up, that-"<p>

"I _meant_ about your job," I interrupted her. India shrugged, and breezed past me. "Whatever. If we fight to the death, or rather, his death in this company, so be it." She turned up her nose and I stalked away.

* * *

><p>My next backup plan was to try to persuade Jeremy. I burst into his office armed with the initial sketches for the shoot tomorrow, and still fuming from my encounter with India. As soon as Jeremy spotted me, he hurried over. "What's wrong, Jane?' I drew in a breath and composed myself. "Sorry, I'm just composing myself." "India?" he asked sympathetically. It was kind of crazy how Jeremy always seemed to know how I was feeling and why.<p>

"It is nice to see you, if not under these interesting circumstances." His tone was as smooth and charming as ever, and despite myself, I was beginning to cheer up. "Well, you _have _been missed around here," I admitted grudgingly. Jeremy made an expression. "I'm sure you were the only one…"

"So, what have you been working on lately?" I tried to sound casual. I was still trying to figure out how to broach the subject of India. "Well, believe it or not, Gray's been feeding me secret assignments." I widened my eyes. "Secret?" Jeremy gritted his teeth, and I noticed India glaring at us from across the hall. "She's intolerable," he muttered.

I nodded. "Yeah, actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Jeremy suddenly noticed the sketches I had placed on his desk and began glancing them over. "These are good," he admitted in a surprised tone.

"These yours?"

"Yeah."

"Jane, is that your final goal, to be a designer?"  
>"Yes—I mean, Jeremy, can we stay on topic?" He'd distracted me again, and I fell for it.<p>

"But it's so much more interesting to talk about you than India," he said in an indifferent tone. "True," I agreed, "But right now I need you to know that Grey has the two of you competing against each other." Jeremy inclined his head. "I know." I sank down into his chair. "How does everyone figure this stuff out before I do?" I cried, exasperated. Jeremy lined up my sketches and ordered them on his desk. "Well, I mean, no offense Jane, but you're a bit…" he searched delicately for the right word—"naive." I groaned. "I get that a lot." Jeremy took my hand before I could snatch it away, and looked me in the eye. "It's not a bad thing to be in this business," he said gently. "Naïveté is charming."

"Naïveté is charming," I imitated him, and we both burst out laughing. "You're ridiculous," I decided, getting up. I wanted to mention that naïveté was just a nicer word for being ignorant and gullible, but the moment had passed; Jeremy was handing my sketches back. "Take them down to the model department, and have Todd take Polaroids of each outfit shot. Don't forget the jewelry, either."

"Got it."

"Oh, and Jane?" I turned. Something in his tone sounded oddly strained.

"In case you're thinking about telling Gray about India, you should know…" He stepped close enough so that I was eye level with his bow tie. "I know about your secret, too." I froze. Suddenly, I could hear my pulse palpitating loudly. I gulped. "When did you figure it out?" I whispered.  
>Jeremy's smooth exterior betrayed no emotion except for that in his eyes. "I put the pieces together when India and I visited you, Jane." He laughed abruptly, harshly, scoffing. "It wasn't that hard to figure out what you've been doing after that." I wanted to disappear, to erase the last few minutes forever. At this moment all I wanted was to be home, at school, anywhere but here—and forget about everything. "I don't know what you're talking about," I protested weakly, but to no avail.<br>Jeremy stepped towards me, and though his manner was gentle again, I couldn't help but step back. "Don't do it, Jane," he pleaded with me. "I hate the position I'm in, but I can't let India lose."

"Why?" I asked, searching his eyes.

"Let's just say if India goes down, we both do." I could see he was divided, but his mouth was set in an unfamiliarly straight line. "I have no choice, Jane, I'm sorry."

"But you do!" I blurted out. "I thought you were my friend," I wanted to say, but I clamped my mouth shut. "Grey already knows," I said instead, then slipped out without a look back.

* * *

><p>I climbed the apartment stairs slowly, still trying to stop the spinning in my head. It was getting all so complicated, and I wanted nothing more than to leave it all behind and spend some time with my best friend. I raised my hand to knock on the door, and then paused. I could hear Billy and Tommy talking, and despite myself, I couldn't fight the urge to listen in.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

"You gotta stop," I muttered, picking up my scattered ID supplies. "If you want one, just ask." He nodded. "Sorry, I guess I got a little impatient. Things have been a little dry around here lately."

"Hey, and no more of this, either." I grabbed a few of the scattered rolls and shoved them in my pocket. "Tommy, you can't do this. You and I both know you won't be able to afford it, and I know how you are with habits."

Tommy didn't budge from his permanent spot on the couch. "What's the big deal?"

I crossed my arms. "The big deal is that Jane's coming over soon, and I can't let her see you like this." I wrinkled my nose in disgust as I stooped to pick up the trash laying around at his feet. Tommy slurred something unintelligible at me, but I ignored him. I opened the front door to take the trash out and almost ran into Jane.

"You're here," I said, surprised.

"Sorry," she said, looking away. I knew she'd heard us talking.

"Come on." I grabbed her hand and stepped out, slamming the door shut behind us. "Change of plans," I said, smoothing my hair and trying to think. "Can we do your place?" Jane shrugged.

"Sure. Just—Billy—" she gave me a searching look. "What's going on?" I sighed and dug out a cigarette from my pocket. She gasped. "YOU—" I shook my head. "I'm not the idiot."

She let it go, confident I was telling the truth. "Billy," she said, leaning against me as we walked, "Today was the craziest day. I got blackmailed."

By the time we'd gotten to her house, she'd explained everything and we were both in a better mood. "Hey," I said, opening her door for her. "Let's forget about all of this and do what we came here for." I winked and she laughed, shoving me.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

We were celebrating, marking our eighth anniversary being friends. We ordered thai and lounged around my room, stuffing ourselves until we were full.

"Alright," I said after a while. "Now it's time for the great review." I grabbed a kimono from my closet and put it on solemnly. Billy stretched out on the floor and groaned. "_Why _do we always do this," he complained. "I can never remember that far!" I grinned. "And that's why. Now sit up properly, Billy Nutter. What have been the highlights of our past year together?"

Billy chuckled. "You said together."  
>I gave him a look. "You know what I mean."<br>He turned serious. "Well, I mean, a year ago, things were a lot different…"

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

After I finished telling the story of our first encounter, she stared at me in awe and disbelief. "I can't believe you remembered that!" I made a gesture to brush off my shoulders. "I'm good for something."

"And then there's Lulu…" she reflected, slowly, and I looked away. Jane was bringing up the highlights of the year again, and I didn't want to be reminded of the tough patch we'd gone through over that girl, or the months I'd spent hiding the biggest secret I'd ever had from my best friend. Well, second biggest secret…

"Look, Jane, you should know that—"

"Don't tell me." She screwed up her face, curling into a ball playfully, like a little girl.

"Come on, give me a chance…" I mulled over my next words. "I was just going to say that, Lulu and I, we never actually did…anything." It hurt my pride to confess that last part, but I knew she'd have to know the truth sometime. Looking at her now, I could see she didn't believe me.

"You're kidding." She unfolded herself and stared at me.

"Uh, not this time."

"What did you guys spend all that time _doing?"_ I made a face. "You don't really wanna know, hm?"

"You know," she said, giving me her signature bow-lipped smile, "I'm glad, and relieved. But it doesn't make sense. Lulu pretty much handed herself to you on a platter. Why didn't you take advantage of her?" I spun around in my chair. "It just isn't me," I said simply. "Plus, I was waiting for you."

She stared at me with open eyes. "And all this time I thought that…you guys….never mind." I laughed. "Tough mental image, I know." I grinned as she blushed prettily.

"My turn," she declared. I waited, busying myself with disconnecting all the ball point pens on her desk. "I've been spending a lot of time at work," "THAT is an understatement," I cut in dryly.

"…and I haven't had much time to spend with you." She got up and started pacing. "True. But lucky for you, I understand."  
>"No, but Billy, if we're gonna really do this, I need to commit more to us. " I could tell she was about to launch into a self-deprecating spiel.<br>"Also true."

"But you have to help me, ok?"

"Don't I always?" I knew this task would be by far the most gratifying.

At that moment, Ben stuck his head in the door. "What's going on in here?" he said, his shifty eyes taking in the scene. "Hey Ben, we're just having a celebration." Jane gestured for him to go, but he didn't take the hint. "What, like a party? I'm in!" "NO!" We both said empathetically. "I mean, dude, it's not something you'd really be interested in…." I spread my hands out. "Look, we ate all the food, too!" Ben narrowed his eyes. "Try me. What's this all about?"

Jane groaned and flopped back on the bed. "Billy and I are having our annual friendaversary dinner, Ben. Satisfied?" Ben looked like he was trying to contain himself. "What?" I asked suspiciously. "I still remember when you were like, this tall, and you and Jane would play wedding, and—"

"—I had to put peanut butter on my cheek so you would kiss me!" Jane was laughing too. I groaned. "Don't remind me…"

"So Jane, did you talk to Gray about your job?" Jane looked away. "Yeah."  
>"And?"<p>

"Well, she's not exactly in the office this week. She'll make a decision when she gets back next Wednesday." I bit my lip, easily recognizing Jane's fibs. Still, Ben believed her. After a long moment of staring at her, he looked at me. "No funny business, mister," he said, giving a finger jab in my direction. I raised my hand. "Dude, she's your sister. You know I'd never."

Ben nodded. "Yeah, but I was once a teenage boy…"  
>"Ben, you were <em>nothing <em>like me."  
>"That….is true. Um, bye." Ben ducked out abruptly.<p>

"Billy," Jane said in a worried tone, "if I try to quit now or tell Gray my secret, she's going to fire me."  
>"Don't be ridiculous. The women likes you. They all do."<p>

Jane shook her head slowly. "Jeremy's taking sides, and I'm getting blackmailed if I rat out India!" I rubbed my temples. "Remind me again what India did that was so bad?"  
>Jane looked at me uncomfortably. "Riiight," I said, understanding. "Look Janey, stop thinking about work for a bit," I urged her, playfully grabbing her foot and undoing her heel straps. "What are we?"<br>She knit her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"  
>I tossed the shoes on her bed went to sit next to her on the bed. "We're aimless youth," I said.<p>

But she wasn't listening to me anymore. We stretched out on the floor. "I wonder where she is," Jane said, and I knew she was talking about her mom. "I don't know, but I'm sure she's fine."  
>"Why hasn't she found me yet?" Jane said in a small voice, turning her head to look at me. I stared at the ceiling and shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe she hasn't looked hard enough."<br>"My dream for this year is that we'd find her," Jane said, and I could hear the drowsiness in her voice. "You and I, right?" I eased my arm around her shoulder. "'Course." "They always say it, but do those kinds of dreams really do become reality?" I pondered this thoughtfully. "I think so. At least, I know you were mine, and the _we_ I wished for came true."


	11. Chapter 11

**Dear Readers-**

**No excuses, but an explanation and a promise. The explanation is that writing for these two consists of mostly staring off into the middle distance and _thinking _up plot lines. Thinking takes time. The promise: I'll think faster.**

**A few of you asked what Jane's letter says. This is the letter Jane wrote to cheer Billy up when he got dumped for the first time. Jane finds it in Billy's room and keeps it with her at all times. When Ben upsets things at dinner, Jane knocks her purse over and Billy (ever the gentleman) picks up the contents and discovers she took it. **

**Here are it's contents (from a few chapters back):**

_"Dear Billy Nutter, Your brother is stupid. But that's ok 'cause you got me. That's all you need. And whether or not we get handcuffed an' married, you don't ever forget that. _"

**Forward reading.**

**~Clarissa**

**Chapter 11 Image & Circumstance **

The most overused expression in the world is to 'be yourself'. It's pushed upon us, down our adolescent throats, until we can repeat it robotically without thinking twice about what the words really mean. Ironically, the fashion world can make it so tempting to be anything _but _yourself. It's so easy to slip on a character—a more outgoing and friendly and likeable personality—and lose yourself to a façade people love.

But, I guess the true test of a personality is whether or not it's real. And being yourself means being truthful, too. And that I was not. Of course, it was only a matter of time before they all began to figure out my secret. But once Jeremy knew, the rest began to fall like dominos, and I ran as they filed down after me….

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I yawned and perused the scattered magazines on the coffee table in Jane's living room. After pushing aside the obviously over-read baseball periodicals, I noticed some scuff marks on the table. They were from my shoes. I rubbed at them a bit with my sleeve. _So many late nights playing video games with Ben or watching movies with Jane…_Sometimes I practically lived here.

I aimlessly flipped through a few issues of InStyle and Cosmo girl. Curiously, I started to read the headline: "10 ways to get a guy to notice you!" I skipped down to step four. "Dress suggestively." Five was "play games. If he wants to cuddle, pull away. Make him want you more." I shoved the magazine away from me with disgust. _So this is why Jane acted weird sometimes…who writes this crap anyway? _

Ben shuffled into view, scraggly and unshaven and quite the monster of morning breath. "Yo," I greeted him cheerfully. "You're here early," was his remark. "Waiting for Jane," I said. Ben missed the barstool a few times before taking a seat. "Hey, do you know if she talked to Gray yet?" I bit my lip. Jane hadn't given a straight answer about that, and I wasn't about to do her in. "Um, yeah." I looked away.

Ben stared at me for a moment. "C'mon, we both know she didn't." I grimaced. "OK, fine. But I'm sure she was going to do it today." "That's what she's been saying for the last few weeks." "Well, it's not the easiest thing admitting to your boss you practically broke the law and forged legal documents in order to keep a job not technically yours…" Ben tilted his head. "You're gonna defend her?"

I folded my arms. "Her, not this though."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Ben narrowed his eyes.

"Only what you take it to mean," I answered slyly.

"Just promise you'll talk to her about it."

"Fine," I conceded.

"Billy? Is that you?" Jane called from her room.

"Her highness awaits," I said, grinning and saluting Ben as I skidded to Jane's door.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

Billy was sprawled across my bed, watching me tear apart my closet with a bemused expression. "I don't get it."

I grabbed another armload of accessories and tossed them onto the pile. "Get what?"

"It's a Saturday. Why are we stuck here? Let's go out, have fun, do _something._ That is what I came for, after all._" _

I tossed another outfit reject on the bed. "Can't. The photoshoot, remember?"

Billy groaned. "Why you're making such a big deal out of this? I mean, no offense or anything, but they aren't even shooting you, right? Plus, if you played hooky for the day, I'm sure the boss would understand."

I looked at him like he was nuts. "Billy, this is Grey. She doesn't tolerate shenanigans. Plus, I'm actually looking forward to it. It's my first shoot, which means she trusts me, and that's a very good place to be…"

"Speaking of Gray."  
>"What?" I asked suspiciously.<p>

"Hey, calm it. I just think you should tell her."  
>"I'm gonna."<br>"_Soon, _Janey." He grabbed for my hand but I pulled away.

"I'll get to it."  
>"It's either this or get found out."<br>"I don't want to think about it, ok?" The sudden forcefulness in my tone surprised me.

"Fine." Billy could be obstinate too. I knew he wasn't giving up.

"Sorry," I confessed, all the anger draining from my face. "It's just that today is one of the most important days of my _life."_

Billy gave me a look. "Really, now…?"

I sighed dejectedly. "I guess that's a little dramatic. I'm not even going to be in the spread. I'm just the styling assistant."  
>"So why all the fuss? I mean, I think you look fine just the way you are."<p>

"That's sweet that you think so," I tilted my head and blushed. "But seriously, Billy. Even the assistants have to fit in, and I just….don't." I grabbed another pile of dresses and piled them on the bed. Then I leaned against the edge and sighed. "Billy?"

His head popped up from beneath the garments. "Here."

"None of this will work."

"Why?"

"I'm having a fat day."

I cast a critical eye over my reflection in the mirror, sucking my stomach in and cinching my waist with my hands. I ran my palms over my curves and sighed dejectedly. While I didn't exactly consider my insecurities to be a problem, I couldn't help looking longingly at the centerfolds of Tyra pinned up on my closet door. "If only I looked like that…." I mused.

He scooted closer to me. "Don't say that," he said, wrapping his arms around me.

"But it's true!" I moaned. "I'm not perfect enough for _them," _I protested, then caught the look in his eyes.

"When are you gonna realize you're perfect to me?"

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

"Is this good?" I asked Carter hopefully, spinning around. He nodded, distracted. "It's fine. Um…"  
>"What?"<p>

"Jane, the belt's on backwards."

I looked down. "No it isn't…" Carter grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, pointing to the model I was supposed to be dressing.

"Oh my goodness, wait!" I lunged into the shoot and photographer gave me an annoyed look. "Try to stay out of the frame," he barked. I nodded, embarrassed.

Suddenly, I heard a commotion. I turned to see India striding in, clad in a flowing shift-cut gown. It was so different from what she usually wore; we were all used to her skin-tight bodycon dresses. India was coming towards me, and I straightened up.

"New look?" I asked, trying not to look too curious. India glanced away. "I'm just trying something new."

"I can see that," Carter grinned, creeping up behind us. "LEAVE," India hissed, and he moved away obligingly.

"India!"

Jeremy was stalking toward us now, and with an icy glare India sent me scurrying away. "What?" she snapped. He swallowed uncomfortably and adjusted his bow tie. "I—I want to speak with you." "So_ speak_." I pitied Jeremy, but not enough to intervene. "In private," he muttered through set teeth, and they hurried outside.

I was taking in the gorgeous Nannete Lapore accessory wall in all its glory when I heard a voice in my ear. "Good choice," Gray purred, and I jumped, almost dropping the jewel incrusted statement necklace in my hands. "Hi, Gray," I said, recovering. "What do you think?" I gestured towards the rack of outfits. She was silent for a long time, and I began to shift uncomfortably. Just when I was about to say something, she spoke.

"Jane, you're over-thinking this," she admonished me.

"I—you think so?" I chewed my lip nervously.  
>"I do. Reconstruct the last two looks, and easy on the belts. They're meant to accentuate the waist, Jane, not weigh it down."<br>"Right." I immediately began taking apart the look, swiftly undoing the buttons and layers, one by one. "It is good," Gray said generously. "You do have the eye; just go with your instinct."

I was passing through the café downstairs to pick up lunch when I saw Jeremy and India seated at one of the tables. Curious, I ducked behind one of the patio pillars and tried to catch snatches of their conversation.

"It's more complicated than that, India," Jeremy was saying. India pouted her lip. "Seeing as your priorities are obviously quite skewed…"

"What's that supposed to mean? He cried indignantly. "Only that apparently I'm not important enough to warrant a return."  
>"India, you know the company always comes first. Always."<p>

"I never thought you believed that until now."

"Gray wants me back, and I'll take that chance in whatever form it's handed to me!"  
>India scoffed. "You know she's only taunting you."<br>"I'll take it anyway." I could sense the determination in Jeremy's voice.

"I don't see what good it'll do you. We both know she's addicted to Jane."  
>"Dear India, Jane isn't a drug." I smiled secretly.<p>

"You're infatuated with her too, now?"

"I _used _to be infatuated with you, until this happened."  
>"Jeremy, don't you get it?" India's voice was a low hiss. "I didn't plan this."<br>"No one did. No one wanted it either."  
>"But it happened, and at some point you're going to have to be a man about it and step up."<p>

"By the way, how is it all going?" Suddenly, the barista manning the Starbucks cart turned on his blender, and India's response was lost. What I heard next was Jeremy laughing.  
>"India, don't get me wrong. I'll support you because I'm no heartless chap, but when it comes to betraying Jane's trust, I draw the line."<p>

"Wait," India said slowly. "what did you just say?"

"I've….said too much," Jeremy said soberly, backpedaling.

"Oh, no, by all means, continue. _This _I want to hear."

From behind my pillar I cringed. How was I going to get out of this one? I grabbed my phone and dialed by heart.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

"You're kidding," I said in disbelief.

"Billy, you know I'm not. What are you doing?" I stared at the pile of unfinished I.D. badges scattered on my bed, intermixed with cigarette butts. From underneath I dug out Marx's Das Capital. "Reading," I said slowly.

"Great, so you're available. Look, I've gotta fix this and I can't let Gray find out about it or else I'm doomed before I can explain myself, and—"

"What's the magic word?" I teased.

"I need your help."  
>"Actually, it's Auf wiedersehen, but that works too."<p>

"Nerd."

"Dear."  
>"So you'll help me?"<br>I sighed. "Janey, I'm not always going to be around to dig you out of these problems. You're going to have to figure out at some point that not every guy is going to bend over backwards to suit your needs."  
>"But—you—" Jane was confused, and I was beginning to feel bad.<br>"Listen, I'd like to help, but I need to….study." I wanted to kick myself. Lame excuse.

"Oh."

There was a pause.

"Billy, what am I supposed to do?"

"Just tell the truth, Jane. _Please, _do it for me." But she wasn't listening anymore, she'd hung up.

* * *

><p>I ended up driving to Donovan Decker's anyway, mostly because I had nothing better to do and I knew Ben would kill me if I let this one go. An idea began to form in my head. One of the things I had learned when I was away was that when people didn't want to do certain things, sometimes you had to make them in order to show then what was right. I hated applying this method to my best friend, but it seemed like the only option. After all, I <em>had<em> promised Ben….

I grabbed a napkin and pencil from the glove compartment and when I hit the next stop light, I began to scrawl out the letters, taking care to make my handwriting generic enough not to be recognized.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane <strong>

The rest of the shoot had gone smoothly, or so I thought. Gray had been right, and once I edited the looks I felt so much more confident about dressing them on the models. It felt good to be on top, for once. My name was going to be credited in Teen Vogue as the assistant stylist. I was going to be published.

But of course, no day could ever be quite perfect. I couldn't ignore the fact that India probably knew by now, and if she didn't Jeremy would slip up sometime. I had to be on guard. Now, crammed myself into one of the stalls in the ladies room, and pulled from my purse a stick of Gray's lipstick I had smuggled from her drawer. As I balanced my compact and carefully outlined my upper lip, the automatic toilet suddenly flushed, startling me. My hand jolted and the lipstick zig zagged out to my cheek. I grasped the toilet paper holder, but it was empty. _Typical. _I knocked on the wall to the next stall. "Excuse me, do you have any extra paper?" I hand thrust something at me, and I realized it was an unused tampon. Gratefully, I wiped the stain off my face and exited the stall. Then I froze.

India was at the counter, shoving something into her purse. She meet my eyes in the mirror and it was a long second as I made the connection. I gasped. "Jane, stop!" she called after me, but it was too late. I was out the door, and pounding towards Grey's office.

* * *

><p>"Gray!" I burst into the room, brushing past Birdie and her efforts to stop me. I spotted the boss instantly, in the adjoining meeting room. She seated at the head of the conference table, obviously in the middle of something. I tried the door frantically, but it was locked. "Jane," Grey acknowledged stiffly, standing. Her voice was muffled through the glass door. "Can this wait? I'm…occupied." She shook hands distractedly, and Donovan Decker came into view. I gulped but shook my head resolutely. "it's an emergency." Gray's expression changed. She came to the door and opened it a crack.<p>

"What?"

I heard a commotion behind me, and turned. India was straining at Birdie, but the petite girl held her back, her usual perkiness replaced by surprising strength. "Go on," she mouthed to me. I stared at India, who gave me a look of utter helplessness. I knew I was probably ruining her, but at this point it was too late to stop. Billy had told me to just tell the truth, but were any of us really prepared for the consequences?

I turned back to Grey, who was waiting impatiently for my explanation. "India's not pregnant," I said quietly. "She lied."

* * *

><p>It was hours later before Gray let me go home, but in a way I was glad she had made me stay. Of course, I'd had to take over all of India's duties as well as many of Gray's. The two of them had been cloistered in the meeting room for several hours, and they still weren't done when I had signed out for the evening. As I crept through the now silent building of Donovan Decker's, I passed by Jeremy's workroom. His drawing board lights were still on. I stuck my head in. "Jeremy?"<br>He looked up from his drafting work and sighed, motioning me in.

"Jane Quimby, I am so sorry about the other night," he said, and I could tell it was his sincerest tone. I dipped my head. "It's…ok."

"I just…I'm still in shock."

I hopped up on the desk and crossed and uncrossed my legs. "I think we all are."

Jeremy nodded, and I noticed for the first time the creases in his handsome forehead. He hadn't looked like that when he left.

"For what it's worth," I began consolingly, "You would have made a wonderful—"

Jeremy put his finger on my mouth. "Don't say it, I beg of you," he said, but there was a familiar sparkle in his eye.

I giggled. "Fine. So, are you sticking around?"  
>Jeremy shrugged. "It all depends on Gray's whims. Though kissing up to Diaz wouldn't hurt a bit." For a while I hesitated, wondering how to approach the topic. "So, what's my situation?" I ventured at last. Jeremy turned to me, worry commanding his features again. "Hope for the best. Imagine how Gray feels, it may seem like her entire team is turning against her. No, I know what you're thinking, but I know what I'm talking about when I say that's how Gray thinks. She's all about loyalty, and reliance, regardless of the circumstances."<p>

"So…she probably feels like she can't trust any of us, then." "Well, unless you know something about Carter and Birdie that I don't…." I shook my head.

"Come on," Jeremy said suddenly, perking up. "Let's get out of here." I followed him out the door. "Where are we going?"

"I'm a free man," Jeremy sighed, undoing his tie and unbuttoning his collar. "I think this calls for some celebration."

"Actually, I-"

The night sky outside was dark, but not dark enough to hide Billy's silhouette, as he leaned against the building across the street—waiting for me. I paused, turning to Jeremy. "I…need to go." "Goodnight, love," he said, reaching for my hand. I pulled it away awkwardly and quickly walked away, chastening myself for not being more aware of his charm.

"Billy! You're still here?" I called, dashing across the street, holding down my short skirt in the breeze, and heavily breathing steam into the chilly air. "I thought you weren't coming!"

He slowly walked towards me, swinging his lanyard around his finger. "Come on, Jane," he said in a tired voice. "When are you going to stop fooling around?"

I gave him a confused look. "Huh? What are you talking about?"  
>Billy shifted, not wanting to say but unable to keep quiet. "You ever gonna get serious about this?"<br>I was silent. I didn't know what to say.

He shook his head, but his eyes pleaded with mine. "You can't keep stringing me along here, Jane," he said quietly. "Despite what others think, I've got feelings too."

"Oh, you mean _that_?" My attempt at humor fell flat. He was in no mood for a joke. "It was nothing, I promise." But Billy's jaw was tight.  
>"I just want to take things slow," I protested weakly. "Yeah, but seriously Jane, this is ridiculous. Lulu was less trouble to be with than you."<br>"Ouch. I hope you realize I'm _nothing _like the—that—" He held up a finger. "You're not going to talk like that. But yeah, you're right. You two are nothing alike. Jane, I just need some reciprocation here!"

"I'm sorry," I sighed, and leaned into his open arms. "It's just been a long day."

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I bit my tongue. It was hard to stay mad at a girl like Jane. One look into her dewy brown eyes and even the toughest dude could melt. And I liked to believe that was me. But as we walked home together in silence, I couldn't ignore the pricking feeling that she would hate me later. After all, I had gone and committed the ultimate offense. This would probably rank a seven on Ben's scale. Still, I tried to convince it was the right thing. I figured if I believed it long enough, it would become true.

"You're quiet," Jane remarked.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."  
>"About?"<p>

"If humanity were not forced to correct its own mistakes, would it destroy itself?"

I could tell she was giving me a look, even though I couldn't see her face.

"I mean, what am I doing here?" I continued. "Do the ends justify the means? Can aimless youth actually take on direction?" Jane punched me in the arm, laughing.

"Ok, I have no idea what any of that means, but I will say this: You've gotten deeper, _William."_

I shoved her back, grinning too. "Still Billy, that part of me hasn't changed."

"Just don't grow up too fast," Jane said quietly.

"You'll keep me in check."

I swiftly turned right at the avenue and Jane had to run to catch up.

"Where are we going?"

I didn't answer; instead, I lengthened my strides, daring her to keep up. We continued this way until the city streets had turned suburban, and the tiny, precariously stacked apartments gave way to uniform residences, each on its own picket-fenced plot, regimented shadows in the night. I jaywalked, criss-crossing the empty streets until we'd short-cutted our way to White Marsh's football field. "Hold up," Jane panted behind me. I turned and grinned. The sweat glistened on her forehead, illuminated by the pale moonlight. "Give 'em to me." She handed over her shoes, and with a mischievous look in her eyes she took off down the grassy slope, propelled by a new spurt of energy.

I paused, watching her, catching my breath from more than just exertion.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>  
>I tried not to remember the last time I had been here, just on the other side of this field, running to meet another boy. Another failed attempt.<p>

Billy was quiet again, and it was so dark I couldn't see his face. We were stretched out on the field now, staring up at the scant stars and the non-functioning lights. Apparently, he'd had known they weren't going to be replaced until Monday. _Smart boy._

"Have I changed?" I mused aloud.

I could hear Billy sit up beside me. "Generally, specifically, in the last month…."

"Since I got my internship."

"'Course. Anyone can see that."  
>I blushed. "Is it bad?"<br>"Mmm, not at all, I like the stuck-up model type." I swatted at him in the dark, but missed. "I'm not stuck up!"  
>Billy laughed. "You're right. But sometimes, I think, you try too hard."<br>"Billy," I said, heaving a world-weary sigh, "I _do _try hard."  
>"That is true. But you could afford to lighten up. You know, not care so much about what others think, not become a slave to pleasing people, not…ignore your best friend." There was a pause. "You could let your hair down more often, hypothetically speaking," he added quickly.<p>

"Is that how you feel about this whole thing? Ignored?" He didn't answer me.

"Remember how when you were twelve you thought Nick was the one?" He asked, abruptly changing the subject.

I turned my head in surprise. "Yeah, I guess. Why?"

Billy winced.

A few minutes later, I was still deciding whether or not to believe him. He waited, gazing at me. "I guess it makes sense," I said slowly. "And it does explain why Nick didn't remember anything. But I don't get it. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I thought you'd be mad," he said simply. "Are you?"  
>I thought a bit.<p>

"Promise you're telling the truth?"

Billy grinned. "You know it."

"Then no, not especially," I said. "Worse things have happened. My heart will get broken again."

He gave me a pained expression. "Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that," I hastened to explain. _Not by you._ "But why are you telling me now? And why was doing tonight so important to you?"

He shrugged. "We haven't really done much since I got back."  
>"What do you want to do?" I asked, then realized too late what that might entail.<br>"Let me rephrase that."

"What?" Suddenly, I picked up on something else.

He shook his head slowly, chuckling softly. "Nothing."

"Oh, it's something."  
>"Nope," he shook his head in denial.<br>"You're impossible."

"Maybe," he chuckled, "but I told you so you'd recognize this…"He slowly leaned over me and suddenly I realized just what was happening.

"Whoa," I said, holding up a hand and gently pushing him back.

"What?"

"Just give me a minute." I sat up and shook my head to clear it. Billy shrugged. "Fine."

"Just…why?" My feelings were racing inside of me, it all felt so strange.

"Why not? You are my girlfriend, after all."  
>I cringed at the word. "We really gonna go there?"<p>

Billy nodded solemnly. "Totally."

I took a deep breath. "Ok, I'm ready."

"She's ready," he whispered, as his hand brushed across my cheek and down my neck. I shivered, but it wasn't at all uncomfortable like I'd feared.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I kissed her gently, like one caresses delicate china and other fragile things. I watched carefully as her eyelids fluttered and closed. I indulged for a second then pulled away. Jane fell back, and in the faint moonlight she gave me a look of wonder. "I—I—" She tried to sort out words but none came. I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Anything come to mind?" I asked hopefully.

She nodded, and then kissed me surely.

_Careful, _I reminded myself. _You can't break this._

* * *

><p>A note lay on the Creative Director's desk, delivered by a bribed pizza boy. It had gone unnoticed when Gray had finally slipped out after hours. She would see it tomorrow.<p>

Gray Chandler Murray—

"As someone concerned for the welfare and security of Donovan Decker, I think you should know about the background of your assistant, Jane Quimby. You may be wondering why no one's ever heard of her, why it seems like she just appeared out of thin air. That is true. I know Jane not going to confess anything for fear of getting fired. I hear you're pretty fond of her. She's pretty devoted to you, too. But there's something you should know about Jane. She's not who you think she is. She's not who she's claimed to be for the past few months."

This explanation is followed by a picture of Jane—full color and glossy, the size of a stamp and obviously ripped out of a book. The edges have a bit of lipstick smeared over them, but Gray won't notice that—she'll be too busy reading the tiny print below the image, and Birdie will be calling the number of a Miss. Rita Shaw. Gray probably won't even notice the postscript, because she won't recognize the name. After all, William Nutter does not ring a bell.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 Jane for Granted**

**Billy**

I hate writing. No, not typing down text, not brainstorming ideas, and not even the assignments I do for class. I hate writing because it brings out a vulnerability I try so hard to hide. Jane said my problem is that I'm too concerned about my image and reputation….I guess that's part of it, but honestly, I don't really have a reputation to live up to anymore. (Well, there was a time when I did have one, but that was before juvie and let's just say _I don't want to go back there if I can help it…)_

Thing is, today wasn't something I couldn't escape. The mandatory creative writing assignment was to write an open letter to someone. _An essay demonstrating poignant emotion from a first-person perspective,_ the teacher had said. It's tougher than it sounds, believe me. I'm pretty sure I'm getting an F on this one, but this time it isn't because of any transparent admissions I made…it's because of a confession I almost didn't make.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

_Billy was sitting on the kitchen counter, shirtless. I poured myself a glass of juice, and stared at the dark, inky blotch beneath his ribcage. "Seriously Billy, another one? How many does this make, four?" Billy grinned and shrugged. "That's an exaggeration. Three."_

"_Is it painful?" I gingerly poked the skin, red and irritated. "Nah." He said, but his flinch indicated otherwise. "Anyway, it was worth it."_

"_I should hope so, since you practically broke the law."  
>"It's not breaking the law if you get a parent or guardian's consent," he pointed out mildly. <em>

"_What, you convinced Tommy to sign for you?" Billy smirked. "No way. Tommy would rather I get a four letter word on my knuckles."_

"_Love is a four letter word," I quipped, giggling. _

"_Well, I guess…I'm yours…" He snickered at his own pun. "Actually, Ben signed it." I fairly choked on my orange juice. "Ben?" I managed to squeak. Billy nodded. "Yeah, then I had to listen to his lecture on how he wants to support young love and something about Edward and Bella…"  
>"What?"<em>

"_Yeah, I don't know either."_

"_You know he's got the entire series on his bookshelf at school."  
>"I don't doubt it. Anyhow, he was pretty chill about the whole thing."<br>"So, you wanna tell me what it means?" I examined the tattoo closely, following the gothic print letters that spelled out "IF IT KILLS ME". "You know, people can make all sorts of wrong connotations about this."_

_Billy grabbed for his shirt. "Like I care." He winked at me, evading the question._

* * *

><p><em>How long, can I go on like this,<em>

_Wishing to kiss you?_

_This double life I lead isn't healthy for me_

_In fact it makes me nervous_

_If I get caught I could be risking it all….._

I shut my eyes tight but the threads of my dream were evaporating quickly. I gave up and popped my eyes open, taking in my cluttered room bathed in the warm morning sunlight. It was Monday, which meant school; but somehow, I wasn't entirely dreading it.

I guess I was just excited to get to work this afternoon. The issue with Donovan Decker's photo shoot was being published today, and I couldn't wait to see it. Plus, Birdie had told me there were rumors that someone from the Vogue staff was actually coming by to discuss future stylist hiring with Gray. I imagined who it might possibly be—perhaps Coco Rocha, famed supermodel and, as Tyra had dubbed her, 'Queen of posing'. I giggled aloud, thinking of what I'd say to her. "I'm _executive _assistant to the Creative Director," I panned dramatically in front of my closet mirror. Of course, the title was more prestigious than what I really did, which was usually limited to running errands. Still, I relished the small duties Gray would direct my way, and I savored even more her rare nod of approval.

I marched up to the closet, flipping past the garments I had scored at swag parties, past the vintage dresses I had found at the flea market, past even my own creations. Then I stopped, and pulled out a cream-colored lace pencil dress. It had been my mother's, the only lasting garment aside from the pink prom dress I had altered for the Spring Fling. I gazed at it for a while, marveling that the intricate lace detailing was still in pristine condition after all these years. I slipped it on reverently, taking care to ease the zipper up so it wouldn't catch. In the kitchen I could hear Ben talking to himself again.

I pulled on a pair of suede Steve Madden booties, then kicked them off, unable to ignore Carter's voice in my head saying, _"Jane, don't fall for the trend! That gorgeous delicate lace shouldn't be downplayed by those chunky boots…"_ Laughing at myself for listening to the voices in my head, I chose a pair of strappy YSL tassel stilettos. I grabbed my books, Billy's hat, and my jacket as I headed down the hallway.

I entered the kitchen, then gasped in shock. Ben hadn't been talking to himself…he and Rita Shaw were _busy_ and quite close to each other. Ben was holding the milk carton; the fridge door was hanging open, but I had a feeling he wasn't about to close it. I recovered, clearing my throat awkwardly. Rita stepped back abruptly, caught sight of me, and blushed deeply. "Oh, Jane, I-I-this is totally inappropriate—" she sputtered. I nodded. "Right." I skirted the kitchen counter, holding my books to shield my face. Grabbing an apple from the open fridge I made a dash for the door. "Hey Jane," Ben called after me, not the least bit shamed, "Rita—I mean Ms. Shaw's car broke down, so she'll be riding with us." I paused and spun around. "Just kiss her on your own time, Ben," I said, trying to keep a straight face.

Billy was waiting in the car. "Get out," I said, knocking on the window. He rolled it down with some difficulty. "What?"

"I said, out." He obeyed, and came around to greet me. "Good morning to you too." He gave me a once-over. "Niccee…." I cuffed his ear instinctively. "No touching, you." "I don't have to." He leaned down to pecked me on the cheek.

"So, what's this about?"  
>I tugged at his arm and we began walking down the street. "Just leave it," I said, nodding towards the car. " You'll thank me later." Billy tilted his head, but decided not to press for an explanation. "So, you ready for today's test?"<p>

I groaned. "Heck no."

He chuckled and with one hand hefted my books from my arms. "Come on, I'll quiz you."

"Fine."

He flipped through my chemistry book. "Alright, what's the definition of a state function?" I made a face. "What is this?"

"Attractively packaged mandatory torture." Billy wiggled his eyebrows at me.  
>"I mean, what chapter?"<br>"Thermodynamics."

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

At school, Jane and I parted ways and I watched her skitter down the hall to class. I was about to go to my own locker when I spotted Nick talking to her. I edged closer, suddenly aware of my feelings of curiosity mixed with apprehension at Nick's intentions.

"I was thinking we could do tonight," he was saying hopefully. Nick reminded me of a puppy, always loveable yet sometimes too hopeful. Jane was shaking her head. "Sorry, I'm working." His countenance fell. "Oh."

"Sorry." Jane put a comforting hand on his arm. "I guess it just isn't meant to be."  
>"Wait, what do you mean? We can always reschedule. I mean…we haven't hung out in a while. Truth is, I miss you."<p>

Jane bit her lip and didn't answer.

"It's Billy, isn't it?" I gulped and ducked behind a group of football players so they wouldn't see me.

"You like him, don't you?" she looked away, and I wondered a bit. "Well, maybe this could still work." Nick was determined; I had to give him that much. "I mean, you like me too, right?" I hated to dash his hopes, but I was about to step in when Jane spoke. "Yeah, I like you, and we had something going once, but… but I just don't think I _love_ you." I had to work hard to wipe the foolish grin off my mouth as I slunk away to class.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

Later, when I arrived at work, Birdie was passing around cheese and crackers and some beverage that looked suspiciously bubbly. "What did I miss?" I asked, grabbing a cracker and slathering on a generous amount of Brea. Birdie eyed me. "You're going to eat all of that?" "Sure!" I said, covering my full mouth.

"Here she comes," Carter called, and we all turned to see Jeremy escorting none other than Anna Wintour into our premises. I quickly swallowed and stifled a squeal. "Ms. Wintour has been gracious enough to stop by for the unveiling of the new issue," Jeremy announced grandly, pride exuding from his voice.

We applauded dutifully as Gray descended the stairs, dressed elegantly in a Tom Ford pantsuit. She breezed past me and greeted Anna warmly with a double kiss. Then, with one fluid motion, she whipped off the cloth, revealing the larger-than-life cover. There was a moment of silence followed by amazed gasps. Coco did look stunning, her high cheekbones jutting out, elegantly complimented by the softer looking crew neck crop top I had paired for her. I took a breath and almost forgot to let it out; everything about it was just so stunning, so perfect! And next week, when the cover hit newsstands, my name would be there—albeit in miniscule print far, far, down in the masthead, but still—_my name would be in Vogue! _I couldn't wipe the exhilaration off my face if I tried.

"We need to talk." Gray's stern voice brought me back to earth. She pulled me aside from the group, and something in her eyes made my palms start to sweat. I nervously started itching them, trying to ignore my hunch that this wasn't going to end well. "Um, ok, can it wait until we finish giving Ms. Wintour the grand tour?" "That's what he's for." She indicated towards Jeremy, who was now kissing Anna's hand and now proudly showing her the mock-ups for our latest line. "I'm sure he could use a bit of help," I reasoned hopefully. But Gray was folding her arms, and I knew she was serious. "My office. Now."

My eyes darted around frantically. The group was breaking up now, and I spotted Birdie and Carter passing by, laden down with armfuls of extra garments for the upstairs photo shoot. "One second, I promise," I said hurridly, making a dash for the long garment rack Carter was pulling behind him.

"Jane, take one more step and you're fired."

I froze, but not before every muscle inside me cringed.

* * *

><p>Inside Gray's office I dared to take a seat. Usually, I enjoyed our meetings. But this time, something was definitely wrong. The luxuriously paneled walls no longer oozed restrained glamour; they felt like prison walls, now. Gray wasn't seated elegantly in her leather chair behind the mahogany desk. Instead, she had thrown off her blazer. She was pacing. "You should know about India," Gray murmured at last.<p>

"Oh, no, it's ok, I don't want to—"

"You'll find out anyway."

I was silent.

"India knew about our company policy after all, though that's not why she pulled off her little stunt. I won't bore you with the personal details, but she and Jeremy will have—shall we say—a lot to talk about, or perhaps nothing at all." I marveled at how Gray managed to stay aloof through all this. After all, this was _our team…_she was talking to me as if this was just another marketing campaign I had to know about, not the personal lives of her designers. "Jeremy didn't know. And while India did lie to me about her knowledge of Jeremy's misdoings with Beau, her loyalties to him only went so far." Gray sighed, and went on. "I suppose she figured I'd choose to keep her on rather than rehire Jeremy so soon after letting him go."  
>"And?" I tried not to look overly curious. I could hardly help myself; as long was Gray was breaking rules, the longer she was distracted the bigger chance I'd have of getting off easy.<p>

"And what?"

"Well, which one of them are you going to rehire?"

Gray suddenly gave me a hard look. "We're not going to talk about that now, Jane. Right now, we're going to talk about you."  
>"Me?" I squeaked. Here it was.<p>

"Yes, you. I came in early today so I could go over your application." Gray slipped behind her desk and pulled a rumbled napkin from her drawer. "This was waiting for me when I arrived." She pushed it towards me, and a glance at the handwritten scrawl made my heart stop. The writing was familiar…

I took the letter, but could hardly force myself to read its contents. _This cannot be happening, _I said to myself helplessly, hopelessly.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I was grabbing books from my locker when Jane called.

"Yo."

"Billy." The way she said my name instantly alerted me to her mood.

I frowned. "Janey, what's wrong?"

"Congratulations," was the broken reply.

"Wait, what?"  
>"Congratulations," she repeated bitterly, "you've singlehandedly ruined my life."<br>"What?" I could only repeat, dumbly.

"Oh, give it up, Billy! Gray showed me the note this morning. You're pretty much costing me my job here. I hope you're satisfied."

Slowly, I began to realize the magnitude of the situation.

"Oh God, no. Jane, I—"

"It's too late now."

"Wait, Janey, please, you don't know what you're talking about—!" I stuttered, barely holding it together.

"Was it jealousy?" she cried furiously. "Is that why you did it?"  
>"Janey, you gotta trust me on this one!" I pled hopelessly, knowing she'd never believe me on this anyway.<p>

"You've betrayed me." A flat tone, followed by a click and dead silence. I couldn't ignore the mental image of Jane in agony. And the worst part was that I'd caused it.

I couldn't remember ever feeling so infuriated with myself as I did now. In a sudden brash act I hurled the phone at the locker door and it clattered loudly to the floor. The class bell was ringing, incessantly, it seemed—its harsh tone filling my ears and drowning out the commotion of the students around me. Out of the corner of my blurred vision I saw Tommy stalking down the hall. I did a double take, surprised and momentarily distracted.  
>"Dude," he said, throwing out his arms for a friendly embrace. I tried to speak, but my jaw was clenched shut. "Hey, what's the deal?" I faced my delinquent brother. "What do you want?" I said finally, controlling my voice with effort.<br>He paused for a moment, taken aback by my uncharacteristic ferocity. "Uh, you ok?"  
>I didn't answer.<p>

"Dad's back," he muttered.

I blinked. "He couldn't have picked a better time." I began to turn away, then stopped. "Wait. Why are you here? You could've just called."

"Somehow I don't think you would've gotten the message," he said, kicking the broken phone case across the floor.  
>I folded my arms. "Why are you <em>really <em>here?"

Tommy hung his head. "I needed to get away."

"No way. He's _here?_"

"Cut me some slack…I've had to deal with him all day. You have no idea what that's like."

"Dude, it's not even noon yet. You forget I've lived with that thing _way_ longer than you have."

"Then you'll sympathize!"

With some effort, I composed my expression. "We're not doing this again, Tommy."

I turned on my heel and stalked off.

* * *

><p><em>(One Day Earlier)<em>

_I flipped pen around my index finger, absently turning it around and around as I contemplated whether or not to actually send this letter. _

_It would be for the best for everyone, I kept tried to convince myself, but in vain. I thought of Lulu and the many times I'd wanted to set her and her dad straight; instead I'd given in to her wishes, and look where that had gotten me…I couldn't imagine letting the same thing happen to Jane. Not while I was around to stop it. I crumpled the note in frustration, tossing it on the dash board. _

_Glancing out the window, I noticed a man dressed in an expensive looking suit trying unsuccessfully to open the storefront door of Donovan Decker's. I rolled down my window and called out to him. "Hey! They're closed today, you know." He turned and his striking profile looked vaguely familiar, though I couldn't quite place the face. He slightly resembled the poster boys on Jane's bedroom walls…." He came up to me curiously, and then bent down and spoke very quickly and very softly. "Sure," I said, shrugging, reaching over to unlock the passenger's door. "It's a little messy, though."  
>"Not a problem, I just need to be at the station in five." The man slid in, scooping the fast food wrappers off the seat. He had a cup of coffee with him, and as forced the engine to life, the drink lurched too. I nodded apologetically towards the stack of napkins on the dash, and he took them gratefully. <em>

_At the station, he opened his wallet and handed me a few bills, but not before I caught a glimpse of his license. Bronn…Bronn…who did I know with that name?_

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I spun around slowly in my swivel chair, pushing off again and again from my desk. Gray, Diaz and some people from management were in a meeting discussing plans for launching the new summer line. While Gray had been gracious enough to still let me put the finishing touches on the preliminary sketches that would be used to pitch the idea, all day I had felt like I was stepping on eggshells. This week, Gray would make her decision on how to handle the loyalty issues plaguing our team. I knew that if this waiting didn't kill me, it'd certainly drive me insane with worry. I spun faster until the spacious floor and its surroundings became a blur. A firm hand put a sudden stop to my ride. I looked up, dazed.

"We need to talk," India announced in a condescending tone.  
>"Ok." I didn't know what to expect. I was surprised India didn't hate me already for ratting her out yesterday.<p>

India seated herself on the corner of my desk, and took her time arranging the delicate folds of her Jason Wu sheath dress. I waited. "You still have that boy around?" she said at last.

I blinked. "What, you mean Nick?"  
>"The one you were moping about when we went to Beverly Hills."<p>

"No….why?" I couldn't imagine why India was suddenly interested in my personal life.

"Oh honey, he dumped you?" India's superficial pity was obviously a sham.

"The feelings were mutual," I said stiffly, lying through my teeth. Obviously he'd been more torn up about it than me, but I wasn't about to sound like a jerk for breaking up with him.

"So, what's your status now?" I marveled that she was still interested.

"Um, taken."

"That was fast."  
>"Well, it's kind of been several years in the making…"<p>

"What's he like, Jane?"

I opened my mouth, then closed it, thinking. "Well," I said slowly, "He's a kind, smart, totally fashionable hipster…" I paused. "And he treats me like a princess," I mumbled under my breath.

"Is that so?"

India crossed her legs and gave me a calculating expression. "Hang on to him, Jane."  
>"He ruined my job," I said quietly.<p>

"That _boy _probably isn't to blame; I know plenty of others who'd be at your throat in an instant. Plenty of others without a shred of morals."

I knit my eyebrows. "Not sure what you're getting at here…"

India sighed and let down her guard a bit. "All I'm saying is, just don't get too caught up in it all. This business is hostile to good guys, Jane. They don't exist here. Trust me, I know."

"India, I'm sure Jeremy is—"

"Don't you EVER speak his name again." She slipped off my desk and began to stalk away. "I may not have as much experience as you," I protested to her back, "But even I wouldn't lie to the boy I loved." She turned, and looked at me with a strange expression. "You don't know what you're talking about, Jane." She shook her head. "So poor, so naive."

"For the record…" her hand rested for a moment over her middle. "The lies were true for a time_…_and it _was_ his."

She turned and left me to contemplate her words.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

"Hey," I said, standing up as Ben approached me from across the cafeteria. Ben nodded curtly to me and sat down. "What's this about?" he whispered suspiciously, leaning forward.

I grimaced. "I need to talk to you about Jane," I began slowly. He casually reached over and grabbed my collar. "_What did you_ _do to her?" _He whispered out of the side of his mouth. I pulled away.

"Relax, man," I muttered, though I couldn't help but feel more nervous. "I didn't _do _anything."

"You better not. Because if you ever touch my sister—"

"What the _frick_, Ben, seriously!" I tried not to explode, restraining my voice. "It's not like that, and you know it!"

"Can never be too sure."

"So, what's the deal?"

Ben's shifty eyes paused long enough to look at me. "Nothing," was the loaded response. I didn't even want to go there. "You know me, Ben. I would never intentionally hurt her."

"Then why are you here talking to me?"

I looked away sheepishly.

"Look, I messed up, bad."

"What'd you do this time?" Curiosity was getting the better of Ben's overprotective brother side.

"Jane's gonna get fired because of me, because of a letter I wrote to Gray—"

"Dude, I know I told you to talk to her for me, but I didn't actually mean…"  
>I held up a hand. "I know, I know! I just couldn't bring myself to turn her in. I mean, what kind of friend does that? Problem is, now Gray found out about it and Jane thinks it's my fault and basically we're over and I'm <em>dead."<br>_"That you are." I stared at him. "Are you saying it was my fault?"  
>"Not taking sides," Ben said, grinning.<p>

"…but you're biased," I finished for him.

"You love her, don't you?"

I exhaled slowly. "Think so."

"Then you've got to win her back. Come on, you do this every time."  
>"This time, it's different."<p>

"And how's that?"

"If this doesn't work, I'm stuck with nothing. Beyond nothing. _He's_ back in town."

I could see Ben's adam's apple working up and down, and with good reason. Those words were enough to send anyone who knew him my dad running.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

"Please, Gray?" I pleaded, wondering if I was above getting on my knees and groveling. "The waiting's killing me!"

Gray pursed her lips. "I'll make my decision in due time, Jane. For now, you'd do well to continue with your assigned duties and try and preserve your….dignity. Now go."

She waved her hand dismissively and I hurried out of her office.

* * *

><p>For the first time in a long time, Molly Ringwald failed to cheer me up. From my position on the couch, I watched her dejectedly flounce her way across the screen, displaying her coolness in the form of a perfectly matched pastel skirtsuit. I sighed, and wished I too could be a spoiled girl stuck inside an 80s movie.<p>

Ben sat down next to me, handing over a mug-full of hot chocolate. I took it gratefully. "Hey."  
>"Hey, you. How're you doing?"<p>

I dropped my head, letting my curls obscure my tear-stained face. "Fine."

"You know I'm always going to support you, right?"

"Even in this?"

"Even in this."

"I just….I'm so upset at myself right now."  
>"Janey, don't beat yourself up about it."<br>"Fine. It's Billy's fault then."  
>"We both know that's not true."<br>"I don't."  
>"Well, would you think about it? Besides me, the guy's your best friend…and I guess he's a bit more than that now?" If Ben was hoping for a reaction from me, he would be sorely disappointed. I didn't betray anything.<p>

"Are you sure?'

"Positive. Talked to Billy today, guy practically fell apart. You should know he's pretty bent out of shape about this, too."

"I don't want to talk about him right now," I murmured, trying to keep the pain from seeping into my voice.

"Fine. Let's talk about your job."  
>"What about?"<br>"Well, you've kind of been all over the place in the last few months. I mean, this internship, or should I say—" Ben squinted as he invented a new word, "—_assistant-ship_… has pretty much consumed your life. And I don't mean just for you. Janey, it's kind of been hard for me to get used to not seeing you around as much. You come and go, and I know I could ground you to keep you here, but honestly, that would just hurt the both of us."

I looked down. "Don't do that. I learned my lesson last time."

He nodded. "You did, and believe me Jane when I say I'm really trying to be understanding here. But seriously, don't you think this has gotten a _little _out of hand?"

I hesitated, but it was true. "I guess so," I admitted. "I mean, I love my job so much that I've sacrificed pretty much everything to continue. But lately I've been focusing more on the drama at work than the work itself."

Ben suppressed a chuckle. I turned to him. "What?"  
>"You said moron!" I glared at him. "Can we stay on topic?"<p>

"Sorry. Continue."

"I just want to feel like for once, I handle do this balancing act. Like, I can be it all. A good assistant, a straight A-student, a loyal friend…."  
>"<em>Girl<em>friend?"

"Ben, I swear, I'm not going to be the mature one in this relationship."

He ducked his head. "You're right. It's just that…Jane, maybe this is happening for a reason. Despite what you may think, your life will not end if you get fired."

I turned away, knowing that was just a lie.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

On Wednesday, Jane slipped into writing class just as Mr. Meyers was beginning his lecture. It had been two days and all my attempts at communication had been promptly thwarted. I twisted around to indicate the seat I'd saved for her, but she'd already grabbed one in the back row.

It was the dreaded day of oral reports. Now it was my turn, and with dragging feet I unfolded myself out of my chair and made my way to the front of class. I gripped the plexiglass podium nervously, unsure of how to start. "Um." Tittering around. I ignored it. Flipping open my notebook, I squinted and dove in. "To Dad."

Pause. "I'm not calling you dear because I don't really think you deserve that title, and frankly, what did you ever do to me? But that's beside the point. There are a lot of things I could say to you, and a lot of things I could blame you for, but I've come to realize that it's just not worth it to get all angry about it. After all, what do you care? I'm an cool guy, and holding grudges isn't really my thing; but you wouldn't know that of course. I figure I owe it to you at least once more to give things another…chance…" I took one look at Jane crumpled over her desk dejectedly and I made my decision. From the inside pocket of my moto jacket I pulled a folded paper. Ironing out the creases, I read this one faster.

"The things we take for Granted." I read the title slowly and gulped. _Here goes. _"So, I'm not going to call you out, but you know who you are." I looked around, noting the blank faces of my classmates. "I have this friend who means everything to me. But sometimes, I forget how special our friendship really is." I snuck a glance at Jane. She hadn't raised her head. "Sometimes I just want to make things go faster, or I try to push you into making what I think is the right decision." A pause. I kept going. "Well, I've gone and made a mistake. _It wasn't my fault," _I emphasized, "but still. If winning your trust back were as simple as channeling John Cussac hefting a boombox over his head outside his girl's window at night, I'd do it in an instant." Some of the girls giggled. I grinned. "Annnnd I'd probably get reported by the neighborhood police, but an overnight stay in jail would so be worth it if it worked. You know what?" I put down my paper and made eye contact with Jane, who'd finally raised her head.

"You're horrible at chemistry, I just have to say that as an honest friend. But hey, maybe remember this, will you?" I stepped away from the podium and grabbed the chemistry book off someone's desk in the front row. I flipped through until I found what I wanted. "A state function is one whose final value is independent of path," I read, ignoring the collective groans and Mr. Meyer's confused expression. "Don't let this get you down. Our mistakes don't mark our character. They shape it. I know you're gonna get there eventually, no matter how things turn out. I just don't want to lose you in the process."


	13. Chapter 13

**Readers,**

**A long one to compensate the long while. Finale next chapter! Why so soon? Well, that's a secret. Just know I'll be back, soon. For now, sit back, savor this, and hang on that literary cliff until everything gets tied up next time. **

**Clarisse**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13: Last Brash Effort<strong>

**Jane**

_Influences shape who we become. _Billy, ever the closet intellectual, had scrawled these words across the scratched dashboard of his car. I stared at the crudely shaped letters as we cruised into the city.

It was true, of course. Ben lived by a very strict rule that whatever life throws at him he must hurl back with twice the force. I hoped that one day that his ability to bounce back and his general tenacity in the midst of discouraging situations will rub off on me.

Billy was still the same carefree kid with a dogged determination to think for himself, but I sensed that he was changing; something had clicked when he was away. He and Tommy weren't spending much time together—not that they ever did—but I suspected it had to do with Billy's increasing intolerance towards his brother's detrimental habits. Billy was sobering up about the future, and it was affecting my outlook, too. We were both beginning to face to the thought of a future beyond our current high school lives.

For me, perhaps the reason I looked up to Ben and Billy so much was because they've been my only examples on how to deal with work, school, and life. It was no wonder when my first two collections for Gray were inspired by Billy's street-smart looks, and my third had taken a page from Ben's idea of men's dress shirts turned shirt dresses (inspired by the unforgettable Piper encounter, of course.) Together, their influence on me was more than I cared to acknowledge.

Today, I took a page out of Ben's book of what to do in sticky career situations. Do: Keep determined. Don't: give up dreams. Perhaps Ben had failed in the latter, but I was determined not to.

* * *

><p>(Earlier that day)<p>

I walked slowly through the apartment, surveying the mess. It was bad, and Tommy hadn't been kidding when he'd told me over the phone that Billy hadn't been around much at home lately. Where was he, by the way? I had already decided that I was going to be the one to break the week-long silence treatment I had started. But making up would only work if he were actually here. From the other room, I was suddenly aware of rummaging noises. I headed towards the kitchen, but as I cut through the living room I abruptly stopped. There was a man lounging on the couch, and he'd just flipped on the tv. Even though I'd never seen him before, I instantly recognized him…

He saw me, was asking my name. I stumbled back but then he was advancing towards me, and he was grinning but I felt uncomfortable. He reached out his hand, but I jumped away from it as if it was diseased. Billy's words were clouding my thoughts and I gulped and fumbled awkwardly over my words, for an explanation, an excuse. Suddenly, I was self conscious. I kept backing up until I felt the door knob pressing into my back. Then I turned and bolted, trying not to hear the slurring that had already begun.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

"Fadden!" I said, raising my tone above the hallway chatter. English had just let out. "'Sup, man?" Nick turned and made his way towards me. I banged my locker door open to give us some privacy. "Do you have them?" Nick glanced around, before opening up his letterman jacket to reveal the magazines. "Brand new, still sealed." He handed me the thick envelope discretely, and I slid them into the locker behind me.

"Pay up."

I winced and peeled a few precious bills from my wallet, slapping them into Nick's outstretched hand. He nodded thanks. "Try page 43, pretty cool stuff." I was about to tell him I'd already sneaked a peak online, but at that moment Duke and some of the other guys from the team walked by. I turned away, but not before they caught sight us. They started snickering, and I bit my lip to keep from coloring. Nick saw my reaction and smirked. "Too many meat-headed jocks for you?" I squinted at him. "Don't forget you're a tool, just like them."  
>He shrugged, unaffected. "Fine. Still, I think it's cool that we can finally…chill…."<br>"We're not friends," I reminded him warily. "True, true," he assured me quickly. "But we're—" "Look," I said, my patience wearing thin. "You have something I want, I can do you favors, we're even." Nick grinned. "And we've still got Jane." He held his hand up but I ignored it. "Just don't trust her." Nick chuckled. "Always defensive. But hey, I wish you guys the best." He gave me a friendly slap on the back and walked away. Despite my strong urge to cringe, I had to admit that the trade had been fair…Nick had been fair. Maybe, one day, they really would accept me…

"Hey Billy," Jane said, coming up behind me. I whirled around, right into my open locker door.

"OW."

"Are you ok?" Jane was all over me in an instant, poking at the minor bruise with her curls brushing my cheek. I held her at an arm's length. "Hold on a minute."  
>She looked at me innocently.<p>

"We're talking now?"

"Yeah, well," Jane fidgeted as she always did when she wasn't telling me the whole story. There was something in her eyes that made me worried. "Hey, you ok?" I asked.

She nodded, and I could tell she didn't want to talk about it. "I figured now was as good as any to sit down and have a mature talk about it." I shrugged, still wondering what she was hiding. "Fine, so let's talk."

"Hey, what are these?" Jane asked, curiously picking up the envelope of magazines. I snatched it away from her before she could open it up. "Billy…." She said suspiciously. I held the bundle behind my back. "What?" I asked calmly.

"What are those?"

"Magazines."  
>Immediately Jane's face twisted. "Oh, Billy, no, no…."<br>"What?" I was confused.

"Are you—are those—"

Reluctantly, I slipped one of the magazines out of the bag, revealing its glossy cover. And then Jane was sputtering over her words, laughing.

"Wow, Billy, I never would have guessed."  
>"Wait, what?" I followed her as she started walking down the hall again.<p>

"Gosh, Billy, you had me scared for a moment there. I thought those were…never mind. Ok," she said, stopping me. "We need to talk."

"Right. Where do you want to go, cafeteria, Ben's office, girls' bathroom…"  
>Jane held up a finger and pursed her lips happily. "Yes."<p>

"Wait, Janey, I was kidding!"

* * *

><p>"What are we, anymore?"<br>Jane asked in a contemplative tone. I shifted in the tight stall, as we both pressed our backs against the walls and balanced our feet on the toilet.

"I thought we were still figuring that out."

"Did we ever?"

I shrugged. "Easy. You're my girl."  
>"And you're my…." Jane pressed her lips together and giggled silently. She still found it weird saying the word. Then her brow furrowed.<br>"What if you want to see other people?"  
>"Come on, Janey," I rolled my eyes. "Don't I deserve some credit? I thought you knew me better than to think I'm the type to sleep around."<p>

"It's not that…it's just…what if someone like Lulu comes along again?"

"I'm not looking."  
>"Yeah, but still. What's going to happen? I don't want to lose this."<br>I crossed my arms. "Well, I don't want to lose this either. So what's your point?"  
>"I just don't want to jeopardize what we have."<br>"Have some faith, Janey. I'm not gonna leave you, if that's what you're scared of."

"I'm sorry, it's just that….I don't have the best track record for trusting people."

"I get that. But you should know that I'm not going to ditch you like—"

"You don't have to say it," said Jane, looking slightly reproachful.

"Fine. Well, you know who I'm talking about."

We were silent for a second.

"Remind me why we're in here again?"  
>Jane smoothed up a strand of my hair that had escaped the gelled rest. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't jealous or anything."<p>

"Me?" I gave her a look of disbelief. "Jealous of what?"  
>She looked down. "Jane, Jane, is there someone you want to tell me about?" I asked, suddenly anxious. She shook her head. "I just….why?"<p>

"I never sent the letter, and you need to know that first."

"I know that, Ben told me the story."  
>"Then what are you talking about?"<br>"Why did you let some random stranger into your car, and then let him steal a _very confidential document _that may get me fired?" Jane's words were strained. I looked away, helplessly. "I'm sorry, Janey. I really, really, am. I just…I don't know, I wasn't thinking. And, I mean, the guy paid me, and he was from your work, so I assumed it was ok."  
>"Wait, what? Did you get his name?"<br>I squinted, trying to remember. "It was something like…Bron…Joe….Bill…."

"Beau Bronn took the letter?" Jane whispered in a quivering voice, more to herself than to me. "Then he knows."

Just then, someone knocked on the door. "Occupied!" I called out, then slapped a hand over my mouth as the girl muttered a startled response. Oops.

* * *

><p><strong> Jane<strong>

Gray was late. The entire group was seated around the huge table in the conference room, waiting for her. Everyone was on edge. The outcome of this meeting would determine who was in, and who was out—Gray would announce her final decisions about the rehiring. Diaz looked a bit uneasy; he kept massaging his chin with his hand. I glanced at Jeremy, who was dreamily staring at India across the table. She was doing her best to ignore them, and I stifled a giggle—sometimes, these people were just like highschoolers. The boy, always trying to get the girl's attention, the girl despising him openly but secretly liking it. I began to hum, hoping to break the thick tension that had settled around us. "SHUT UP!" India exploded at me, and we all jumped a little in our seats. I broke off abruptly, and we sat in silence.

Birdie stuck her head in the door. "She's on her way." We all held our breath, and turned expectantly towards the door. Gray breezed in, statuesque in a pair of wide leg trousers and a trim, vermillion colored blazer.

"Thank you all for waiting," she said coolly, acknowledging us all with a cursory glance. "Let's begin."  
>I crossed my fingers and sat on them. <em>This is it.<em>

"Let me start off by saying that the latter half of this season has been particularly disappointing." She looked at me pointedly, and I blushed. "Anyone who works for me knows that the first and foremost rule is that I shouldn't be able to detect your personal lives." She paused for effect. " Obviously, that rule has been breached over and over again, and so of course there will be consequences. We have seen them already in our productivity. While the new spring collections for Vogue and Harper's Bazaar were a hit, two of my designers became _increasingly _caught up in their own matters, instead of their obligatory responsibilities." Jeremy reddened a bit, but India's face was a hard mask, unreadable. "We started off the season high, with strong styling contracts boasting the likes of A-list clients like Heidi Klum and Coco Rocha. And when Donovan made his surprise visit, he was impressed by the efficiency of the marketing, graphics, and closet management departments, specifically." Carter grinned widely, enjoying the mention. "But then, we began to face difficulties. Beau Bronn began to steal our concepts again, this time more efficiently. Of course, this was easy for him, because he did have _two inside sources from Donovan Decker." _I cringed. India must have been in on the whole thing after all. I had never known for sure. "I realize office politics may not mean much to some of you," here Grey indicated to Diaz, who was distractedly scanning over his resume. "But they do have an effect on our image as a company. So, starting now, I will be letting many of you go as we strive towards the common goal of efficiency and innovation, both in design and execution."

Birdie slipped in now, ready with the dreaded slips of paper accompanied with her most sincere sympathetic look. Gray began to quickly list off the names of several people from other departments, and I watched as they filed out of the room in a blur. "Creative," Gray said finally, indicating our team. "Jeremy Jones," Gray pursed her lips. "You'll be joining me again as head designer for our custom orders from clientele." Jeremy began to thank Gray profusely and we all groaned. "Goodbye, my love, and good luck." He squeezed India's hand before she pulled away, and threw a warmly sympathetic look my way as well. I smiled weakly. "Carter Blain." Carter mopped his forehead and crossed himself. "You will also be rejoining the team as head stylist of the closet. I will also need someone to send to the red carpet for the upcoming BAFTA Awards, so if you're interested…" Gray allowed herself a thin smile as Carter struggled for words of gratitude but remained speechless.

"India Jordain." India's poker face hadn't changed. "Donovan has specifically requested that you be named head of management…of our offices in Beverly Hills." I suddenly knew that Gray had probably swayed Donovan's decision, as our location in California was about as far away from New York as possible. I also knew India, despite her shocked expression, would love it there. And inside, I could admit I was happy for her. I was also happy because this meant I might dare to hope.

"Jane Quimby." Gray scanned my employment files for an instant, then looked directly at me. Quivering slightly, I held her gaze for a long moment. "I'm sorry, Jane," Gray said quietly. "I'm going to have to let you go."

* * *

><p>It wasn't worth trying to speak. I had no words, and it took every inch of concentration to keep blinking back my unshed tears. India had lingered behind in the doorway, but I didn't notice her until she spoke. "What's your reasoning?"<p>

Gray turned, looking mildly surprised. "Pardon?"  
>"What's the basis for your decision? I betrayed you just as much as Jane did, and she still kept her innocence about it. You like her more than me, so why's she getting the boot instead?"<p>

"India," Gray replied, her voice hard. "If there's something more about your dealings with Beau Bronn we need to further discuss…"

India shook her head. "There isn't. I told you everything. I just want to know…Jane confessed everything too. So, why me and not her?" Gray was looking at me now. "_Jane_ didn't tell me," she said shortly. "I found out through other means. Had Jane been honest from the inception of her job, things might have gone a bit differently."

I didn't want to think about it, but what-if scenarios started to play in my mind. Gray was speaking to me now. "As much as I trusted you with responsibilities and ultimately, my affection, you are simply too young and not qualified enough to hold your current position. Rest assured, your standing with Donovan Decker will be completely erased. It will be as if you were never here." I heard the words, but they hardly registered in my brain, which seemed to be frozen at the moment. Gray continued, but I was in too much of a stupor to notice the veins in her neck were bulging and she was working very hard to control her voice. "For your sake, Jane, I've ensured that no charges will be pressed for illegal forging of documents. You will be permitted to keep your past paychecks as taxable income, but the benefits from this job as well as any future compensation promised will be terminated immediately." She stopped abruptly, but I barely noticed.

"Yes…. I understand. Thank you, thank you for everything, Gray," I managed, wobbling to my feet. I stiffly shook her hand, then made my way out of the room and past India, still in a daze.

In the downstairs lobby, an impromptu office party was being held. I was in denial of everything and I smiled idiotically as Jeremy handed me a tall, slender glass filled with champagne. "Congratulations, dear Jane," he said gaily. "Now that you're through, I'm sure Gray will _have_ to let you design the six look for the upcoming fall collection! After all, you do have such a fresh and impeccable taste." I made some vague motion with my hand, and Carter caught my look. "Hey, did you get in?" He asked, suddenly nervous. I ignored him and downed the glass in my hand with several gulps, then pushed past everyone else and towards the door.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

It was nine when Jane called me. I grabbed my phone and gave up trying to get the whiskey stains out of my sheets. With dad came his habits….

"Hey."

"She fired me, Billy."

"Oh God. I'm sorry…I…I'm…we're going to be fine, Janey. Hang on. I'll come get you."

"No, don't bother. I'm already halfway home."  
>"You doing ok?<p>

"Yeah." Her small voice wasn't very convincing.

"We're gonna get past this, ok? We're not gonna stop. This isn't it!" I said fiercely.

"Oh, but Billy, it's over. I'm out, and by next week Donovan Decker will have forgotten about Jane Quimby the assistant."

"Come on, Janey, don't be like this, you're putting me in a funk!"  
>"Well, what am I supposed to say? What do people do when they realize they just lost everything?"<br>"You didn't lose everything. And you're still you. Who braved Gray's endless lists? Who flew from one end of the country to the other just to complete an assignment? Who dared to stand up to that chick India? Who turned down a smooth-talking british guy for this hunk?"

Jane was suppressing a giggle, despite herself. I grinned. "Feel better?"  
>"A little."<p>

"Alright, so what is it?"  
>"What's what?"<br>"The plan. I'm assuming you've already started on one."  
>"You know me too well. Let's just say we're skipping school to catch a plane tomorrow."<p>

"She's backkk," I chuckled. "See Jane go."

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

Billy was right. Defeat could not be the end of the story. I had to at least put out an effort, and be able to say that I had tried. Maybe it was brash, or stupid, or just plain naive. But right now, I didn't really care. I just knew I couldn't leave things the way they were. I had to do something.

I called Birdie first, but found her sweet yet tightlipped about Gray's whereabouts. She reminded me that since I was no longer working for Donovan Decker, I couldn't have access to that confidential information. I wanted to remind her who had organized her jumbled spreadsheet of Gray's schedule, but figured now was not the time or place.

I called India next, and was surprised to find her willing to talk. She and Gray were flying into LAX tomorrow. Did I want the itinerary? The arrival and departure times? The address of the hotel? Taken aback by India's openness, still wary of her inclination towards deception, I declined. Billy could hack this information from Gray's laptop later. But what was the purpose for the trip?

India was going to visit the new studio and office location in North Hollywood, while Gray was appearing on Alexa Chung's talk show to promote Donovan Decker's latest foray into junior wear as well as the as-of-now-non-existent fall collection. Did I know that Alexa Chung didn't tape in London? No. I was more preoccupied with ideas of how to sabotage a live television spot to care.

* * *

><p>The next afternoon found us sprawled out on my bedroom floor, going over the finishing details to our plan.<p>

"We're going to be arriving at seven. The taping is at eight, so we have exactly half an hour to find our way from LA to the studio without getting lost."

"Can't we just take a cab?" Billy asked.  
>I threw a pillow at his head.<p>

"It's not New York, silly. In LA, the few cabs they do have are driven by shady looking dropouts who swindle your money."  
>"Same thing here, except the swindlers curse with accents," Billy muttered.<p>

"We'll need to rent a motel, too."I printed out the itinerary and surveyed the paper layout on my floor with satisfaction. "What do you think?"  
>"I'm gonna try a new look for LA," Billy announced, tying one of my square Hermes scarves around his neck. "How d'you like the look?" I rolled my eyes. "You look like a dog, Billy." He jangled his dog dag necklace obligingly. "Arf."<p>

"Hey Jane?" Ben's voice sounded in the hall, and I hurridly began scooping up the papers. Billy jumped on my bed and helped me stuff the bundle into a pillowcase. He sat on it. "Jane, what are you doing?" "N-nothing," I said, exchanging a look with Billy. "We were talking," he told Ben with a straight face.  
>"Really."<br>"Really talking," he told Ben with a straight face.  
>"Really?"<br>"Really."

"Janey, what's going on?" Ben sat down on the edge of my bed. "Are you two—" I could see where he was going with this. "Oh Gosh, Ben, please don't go there…Billy's right. We're just talking." I paused, and glanced at Billy. He raised his eyebrows. "I'm going to fly to Los Angeles to crash Gray's live TV taping, and convince her to let me have my job back," I blurted. Ben leaned over and stroked my hair. "Sure you are," he said in a soothing tone. Billy gave me a disbelieving look. "Um, so can you go now?" Ben stood up. "Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that Rita and I are going out tonight, so don't wait up."  
>"Great. Have fun." I pushed him slowly out of the room and began to close the door. We could hear him whistling Bruno mars in the hallway.<p>

Billy smirked. "Your brother…"  
>"…I know."<p>

"You're going to have to tell him at some point, Janey. And you're going to have to make him actually _believe _you."

I bit my lip. "Right. Well, I was hoping we could deal with that later."

Billy stared at me for a second, then shrugged. "Have it your way. Remind me why we have to keep this from him, again?"

"Are you serious?"

"Actually, yes. You know, Ben's more understanding than you'd think."

"I'm sure he is, but this is my job we're talking about. I can't lose it. Not for anything, or anyone." I realized as I was saying it that the statement was wrong.  
>"Keep telling yourself that, darling," Billy said.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

Stupid conscience. Thing was killing me. I felt the sharp pang as I dragged Jane's suitcase out to the curb, as we stuffed her bed to make it look believable when Ben would check on her hours later, when we hacked into Ben's school email and gave ourselves permission to skip the day we'd miss tomorrow playing hooky.

Jane was waiting in the car now, figuring out the maps. I ran a quick check through the rooms, making sure everything would look normal when Ben finally came back. I paused as I passed through the kitchen, and caught sight of the phone on the counter. Ben's first instinct would be to call, to see if we were ok, and then to work himself into a frenzy when he realized the redeye flight was already halfway across the country. Hastily, I grabbed paper and pen and scrawled out a note. I spit out my gum and tacked the note to the wall above the phone, hoping Ben would see it in time.

I backed away slowly, not allowing any second-guessing myself. Then I left.

_Ben—Jane was telling the truth. You have to believe her, but also believe me when I say that I got her back. I'm not going to let anything happen to her. You can kill me when we get back tomorrow night._  
><em>Billy<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

"What'd you tell Tommy?" It was already pretty dark, and I kept my eyes on the road, knowing Billy tended to swerve when he was distracted. "Nothing," he said calmly.

"Don't you think he ought to know?"  
>"Mmmm…"<br>"Billy."

"Ben's bound to tell him. Plus, I don't really want my dad getting involved. Things are going to get pretty hairy if that happens."

"Yeah, I can only guess."  
>"Janey, I want you to stay away from the apartment until he leaves, promise?"<br>I looked down and didn't answer.

"Jane?"

I nodded vigorously. I could tell Billy was trying to read my expression, but the night was so black it was impossible. "Fine," I agreed hesitantly.

That seemed to satisfy him, and he changed the subject. "So, what do you think of me getting a cycle?"

I groaned. "You're serious?"

"Serious enough to buy the magazines off Nick," Billy admitted a bit sheepishly.

"Do I have a say?"  
>"Not really, but I'd like your approval."<br>"Fine," I said grudgingly, "You have it."

* * *

><p>We made our plane on time, and the flight was relatively uneventful, except the part when Billy had gotten bored and pierced his ear with one of my earrings while I was asleep. The little girl behind us freaked out and would not stop screaming, and the stewardess glared at us every time she passed by for the rest of the flight.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

"So, what exactly is your plan for crashing this thing?" I tried without success to fit my gangly frame onto the too-short couch in our motel room.

"I'm not really sure," Jane admitted. "I was thinking I'd get into the audience and then speak up when Gray came on."

I shook my head doubtfully. "Security's gonna grab you in a second. Can we do this the legal way, for once?"

"And what's that?" She sat down on the coffee table and cupped her hands, staring at me.  
>I grinned up at her. "I'll tell you if you give me the bed."<p>

"Oh, come on!"

"Seriously…."

"We'll share."

I looked away as she slipped into her pajamas. "Ben's not going to like that…"

"Ben doesn't have to know."

I faltered, looking at the bed with the covers turned invitingly back. "Fine. But just this once."

We killed the lights and I slipped in. Next to me, Jane jumped.

"Billy, your feet are freezing!" I grinned and kissed her in the dark. "Sorry," I said, and settled in with my arm around her.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I lay awake for a long time after Billy had nodded off, trying to come up with ways to make my case. Gray wouldn't take me back through any normal means of mine. I had to work for this. Somehow, I had to prove myself. I knew that no matter what happened tomorrow, I couldn't let myself climb in the return flight home in defeat. We had come too far for that. I tried not to think about how Ms. Shaw would shake her head and say I was jepordizing my future…how I'd get detention for skipping school and how Ben would probably ground me until I was twenty. This had to be worth it, because if it wasn't…I couldn't think about that.

Hours later, my eyes were still wide open and my mind was still racing. I eased out from under Billy's arm and tumbled out of bed, groping for my sketchbook and pen. _This could save me, _I suddenly thought to myself, as ideas began to form. Designing could pull me through.

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I sprinted up the steps of the studio on the Warner Brothers lot and burst through the door, narrowly avoiding a collision with passersby as I sped down the narrow hallways. I skidded to a stop before Jane's dressing room, and knocked. "Come in!" I entered.

Jane was obscured behind a tall garment rack, hastily picking through the outfits. "Billy? Is that you?" She came out from behind the rack and I gawked. "Um, _hello_." I collapsed into one of the wooden set chairs. "You like it?" Jane twirled, showing off a skirt that hugged her in all the right places and corset like top she had paired with her signature blazer. "'s nice," I said casually. She heaved a huge sigh. "Nervous much?" I asked, chuckling. She nodded, her eyes suddenly filling up. "I can't do this, Billy," she said in a small voice. I massaged my face with my hands. "Janey, don't do this to me. Don't cry." "I can't help it!" A big tear rolled down her blushing cheek. I leaned forward and took her hand. "Want me to distract you?" She didn't answer. "They'll miss you at school, you know." She gave me a doubtful look. "Really?" "Well, no…" I admitted. "But yesterday Mr. Meyers said that you write great exposes and the whole class should look to you as an example." Jane rolled her eyes.

"Stop being so hard on yourself, seriously."

She was chewing her lip. "This just has to work, Billy. We can't fail."

"You're doing the right thing, I promise."

"How do you know?"  
>"Well…" I thought. "We don't know it's <em>not<em>."

"Billy?" Jane said suddenly, examining me with a surprised look. "What's this?"  
>"What? Nothing…" I sniffed, but my nose made noises.<p>

"You are!" Jane stared at me and began to giggle.

"Dang it, Jane, I told you to stop it," I said, irritated. But she just laughed. "I didn't think you'd crack."

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

"Two minutes to set," the stage manager called, walking by. I shuddered. This was the moment. This was my chance to get my job back, or lose it forever.

My knees were shaking and I stared down at my Jimmy Choos, praying I wouldn't trip or fall. Makeup and hair people began fussing with me. I quickly scanned the cramped area backstage. "Billy?"  
>"I'm here." He pushed through the others and shook himself off. I stared. Billy had traded his converse and skinny jeans for a suit and tie, but I breathed a sigh of relief at the fauxhauk still intact and perfectly gelled as ever. "You look sharp." He gave me a look. "Janey, they put <em>makeup <em>on me," he whispered. "Well, it looks fine." "Tell me honestly, does this make me look like the Beibs?" For a second I forgot my nervousness I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry. He's way better looking." "Hey!"

"30 seconds and you're on." The stage manager appeared again, and with him, my nerves.

"Billy," I said, grabbing his arm, "What exactly did you have to pull to get us on the show?" He shrugged. "let's just say I'll be caddying for the Judge a little longer than expected." I gulped. Billy was banking on me, literally, and I couldn't let him done. "Alright, let's do this!" Billy's energy wasn't rubbing off on me, but when he held up his hand I high fived it. Then I peeked around the corner to the set. I was being announced now, and the whole audience was standing and clapping….I turned to Billy. "I…gotta do this alone." He gave me a concerned look. "You sure?" I nodded firmly. "Yeah."

I stepped on to the stage, trying to look composed and wave and not trip and smile while trying to avoid letting the excitement bubbling up inside of me spill over. I shook hands with Alexa, noting much taller she was, even wearing flats, and blushing deeply as she introduced me to the live audience as Donovan Decker's 'next big designer protégé.' "Well, I was actually just an assistant," I corrected her a bit bashfully. "Oh really? And what are you now?" I looked down. "I…I was fired." Everyone leaned forward in their seats. "So tell us, Jane Quimby," Alexa said, staring at me intently, her strong accent reminding me of Jeremy. "What was it like to work under the famed Gray Chandler Murray? Is she really as scary as the tabloids say?"

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I stared in wonder at the backstage screen, watching as Jane took each of Alexa Chung's pointed questions and twisted them into glowing praises for Donovan Decker and Gray. "Sounds like you and Gray are pretty tight," Alexa admitted. "Well, I'd like to say our relationship was pretty solid," Jane answered, picking her words carefully. Alexa shifted in her seat, obviously not satisfied. "If that's the case, then what's this beef you have with her?" Jane blinked. "Sorry, what?"

The host looked down at her notes. "My sources tell me an altercation was the result of your losing your job. Is that not true?" The audience seemed to hold their breath, and I smacked my head. Oops. I had forgotten to tell Jane that was how I'd gotten us on. Well, this was great…

Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned. "You," India hissed, narrowing her eyes at me. I staggered back a bit. "Do I know you?" India glared at me. "Don't you play games with me, boy. I know you're connected to Jane." "So, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to sound casual as I edged in front of the screen and tried to obscure it from view.

"Gray Chandler Murray is appearing in ten," she informed me suspiciously. "Why do you care?" I shrugged. "I don't." In my mind, I realized Gray probably changed her appearance time again after we'd left. Now there was a chance she and Jane would overlap…

"Can I just say something?" Jane's voice rang out, loud and clear. India shoved me aside and we both stared at the monitor. "It was my fault. I was a highschooler masquerading as an adult, and even though I loved being the assistant to the creative director more than anything, I was fully aware of the consequences of my actions." Alexa Chung raised her perfectly arched eyebrows. "Fascinating. Not we're getting somewhere! Am I right?" The audience murmured in response. "My only question is, why?"

Jane reached for a folder on the table which I hadn't seen her take in. "I'm representing my generation," she said, "whether they like it or not. I'm doing it—I did it—because someone has to. People assume teenagers don't care about stuff like this, that they won't work hard enough, that they aren't capable. But the only reason we're like that is because that's what you expect of us!" Jane held up a few sketches and the camera zoomed in. "These are my preliminary ideas for Donovan Decker's fall collection," she announced. "I sketched these during recess at school, at home in my room, and before I was fired. I drew up these concepts with the dream that maybe, just possibly, they'd actually become reality."

I stared. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Gray coming up beside me.

"What I did was wrong, and I acknowledge that. But all I'm asking for is another chance. I know that's a lot to expect, since this industry is so unforgiving and constantly changing and reinventing itself, but still. I speak for the hundreds of girls across the country, who maybe just like me have felt that the only way to become 'visible' is through fashion. Gray, if you're watching this, know your decision isn't just for me, but it's for all those girls who want to be somebody in fashion but can't, or are afraid, or are being held back by people who think they're not good enough just because of their age. It's so unprecedented that we as adolescents be given chances like this, and I promise that if I get another one, I won't let you down!" Jane put her sketches down and faced the camera. "Alexander McQueen talked about the fact that this new era in fashion has no rules, it exists on personal style, be it the high end designer duds I got as perks, or the low end street wear my boyfriend wears to school. I think we need to embrace both sides of fashion, and make luxury brands available to the younger generation, and get them involved in expressing themselves more with fashion." There was a moment of silence, then Jane broke into a huge grin as the audience clamored to their feet, cheering.

"Word!" I shouted joyfully, throwing my fingers in the air. Gray was shaking her head slowly. "I've underestimated her, haven't I?" It was India who replied. "We all have. Jane's…something else."

Alexa was talking again. "And now, we have the fashion critic, maven and Donovan Decker dictator, the woman herself—Gray Chandler Murray!" I spun around just in time to see Gray step onto the set...


	14. Chapter 14

**Dear Readers,**

**Four hours. So tired. Whatever, chapter's finished, I shed a bittersweet tear—it's over!**

**More to come, though, you have my spoken word.**

**The good news is Jane by Design starts shooting their second season this week! I can't wait to see how the story **_**really **_**unfolds.**

**Thanks to you, readers, though. For everything: reading, reviewing, imagining the dream with me.**

**JBD forever,**

**Clarissa **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14: Changing the Stitch<strong>

**Jane**

When my dad died, I had locked my 13 year old self in my room and cried for a week. I couldn't imagine how someone who had been the backbone of my entire existence could have, in a day, completely disappeared from my life. For a long time, I had refused to be comforted. Not by the nice lady who came to clean our house and cried artificial tears and given me warm hugs. Not my cool older brother, who I'd only seen a few times a year and was now suddenly living in the house with me, and sleeping in dad's bed. Not even my best friend, who had gotten shooed away by the neighbors more than once for the amount of things he'd chucked at my window in an attempt to get me to open up.

I finally did, and slowly, I became stronger. When Billy and I walked in on my first day back to school, I entered Whitemarsh looking and feeling like a different person. For the first time, I spoke in Mr. Meyer's English class. Of course, Lulu hated me even more after that, because soon I was contributing to the discussion as much as she was. But I tried not to care too much. I ditched my uniform of tees, skinny jeans, and chucks for more creative outfits. I began to explore fashion, and as my personal style grew, so did my confidence.

Sometimes it takes really terrible things like losing important people in life to make you realize that you can live through this. Sometimes it takes a really big risk to realize what you're made of. Sometimes it takes losing yourself to find a better person.

* * *

><p>Alexa Chung turned her head slightly away from me, clapping her slender hands together. I studied her high and chiseled cheekbones and short, ombre colored hair. I sat engrossed, trying to memorize her nuances and mannerisms, trying to file her unique look away in my brain for future reference. I was distracted, and suddenly the set was louder. The audience was on their feet, welcoming with loud applause the next guest to the show. It was then that I finally twisted around.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

It felt like a movie. The people on the screen in front of me could be just actors, not my girl and her scary boss and that English model with really nice legs. It seemed really strange to see Jane on TV, but as Gray entered the picture things got interesting.

Considering we hadn't known about Gray's sudden surprise appearance, Jane did a good job of covering her shocked looks. She tilted her head and professionally greeted her former boss with a grace I had to admit I admired. And the show went on. With every question Alexa asked, they played nice. And when she tried to probe them for secrets or a hint of a feud, they had only praises for each other, and the company. Gray was tightlipped about Jane's standing with Donovan Decker, though. And that was one question she continually evaded.

She and Jane chatted a bit in vague terms about the upcoming fall collection, and I wondered if Jane was going to try to make another pitch. But Gray had other ideas. She was no longer listening to Jane's chatter about the color palette forecasted for the next season. She was eying the audience with a steely glare. And when Jane finally ran out of things to say, silence settled over the set like a threatening storm ready to break. Luckily, the producers picked this tense moment to cut to commercial break. Backstage, Gray took this moment to pull Jane aside. I edged closer, partially concealing myself behind one of the garment racks, trying to eavesdrop.

Gray turned slightly to consider her former assistant with a critical eye. "So you came all this way just to catch my attention," she mused. "I hope I did more than that," Jane said, and in that instant I could read all the hope and fear written on her face.

Gray considered this. "You certainly don't take no for an answer."

Silence, as Gray contemplated her next words.

"In most cases, I detest people who go to great lengths to suck up to me, just because my position can get them somewhere. But…" she paused. "I know what you're capable of, Jane. And frankly, your time at Donovan Decker has more than enough proven you're capable of accomplishing all the duties I need in an assistant."

"Really?" Jane sounded shocked, and I wished I could see the expression on her face, but I didn't dare make my presence known.

"Absolutely," Gray asserted. "Donovan Decker is all about a new, young, vision, and of course, that's the idea I'll be promoting when we return to the show. I just want to make it completely clear that I can't reverse my decision, though. Jane, you're not going to get your job back, but there is an alternative…" I strained to hear the rest of Gray's words as she stepped closer to Jane, speaking into her ear. But now they were walking away, following the stage manager back to the set.

"Really? Eavesdropping? Seems a bit low." India's acidic tone startled me. I turned and faced her.

"Somehow I don't think you're above it either," I retorted calmly.

India gave me a once over with a calculating eye. "Take off your shirt," she ordered me bluntly.

"What?" I stared at her.

"Come on, do it. I want to see what Jane's so crazy about, because _this," –_here she ran her fingers down my skinny tie—"isn't doing it for me."

I shook my head slowly, grinning, and stepped towards her. "Lady, I don't really care what the hell you think."

India rolled her eyes, disgusted. "I'm surprised even Jane has a taste for such a young, cocky type."

I shrugged off her comments. "Hey, at the end of the day I'm just a guy supporting the woman I love." India shot me a ferocious look. "Jane's just a girl," she fairly spat out. I plopped down in one of the set chairs. "That may be so, but she actually cares more about fashion than you think. Her time isn't spent trying to bring others down."

India narrowed her eyes, making them almost imperceptible under her thick, heavy lashes. "And just _what_ has Jane told you?"

I propped my legs up and balanced the chair on two legs. "Let's just say I've heard enough to know that you're the B, India."

For a while, India was silent. "I wasn't always this way, you know," she said finally. I noted the animosity had faded from her voice. I looked up at her earnestly. "Then give Jane a break, for once. After all, what has she ever done to you? She's had to deal with this stuff all her life, and I'm always two steps behind her, picking up the pieces."

India didn't answer me, but I was too focused on Jane's face flashing across the monitor to notice.

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

The rest of the interview proceeded smoothly. Though Gray still refused to address my actions directly, she twisted the conversation along with my outburst to fit her agenda—promoting Donovan Decker. I went along with it because I'd sworn my allegiance to Gray long ago, and contradicting such a maven isn't something easily done. Still, I wanted badly to believe my hunch that this whole escapade wasn't in vain. I knew Gray was going to be pressured by the media and blogosphere to let me back on after this interview was broadcast live; she'd already offered me one position. Jane Quimby could play hardball…I loved Gray, really. But this is what I'd come to do.

Billy was waiting for me when the show wrapped, and I quickly dragged him into the studio hall to tell him the news.

"So?"  
>"You saw the whole thing."<p>

"How'd it go…really?"

"Billy," I said, keeping a straight face. "I'm not getting my position back."

He gave me a funny look, and I suddenly realized something. "You knew that, didn't you?" Billy nodded sheepishly. I rolled my eyes. "Well, I guess there's no point in telling you that—"

"Hey! All I heard was that she wasn't hiring you back. What else did she say?"  
>I absent mindedly stroked his shiny suit lapels. "Well, that isn't <em>entirely <em>true…" I smiled coyly as Billy's eyebrows shot up.

"She's offering me a position as junior stylist, Billy!" I exclaimed, dropping the act. "Which is practically stylist, except that I'm so young I get the title of Junior, but still, I mean this is what we wanted all along and I just can't believe—"

"Wait a minute," Billy interrupted me, holding up a hand. "What's the catch?" I stared at him. "What?"

"Come on, Jane, think about it. You really think Gray would really just hand you a position like that?"

I blinked. "What's your point?"  
>Billy sighed and gave me a sympathetic look. "Don't you see, Janey? She's leading you on. There's some assignment, some hidden hoops you're going to have to jump through and stuff, something you're gonna have to do to try to prove yourself. There's no way that obsessive, attention freak of a boss is going to give up so fast."<br>I stared at him in disbelief. "You really think so?"

"I hate to break it to you, but it's true. Just talk to her again, will you?"  
>I nodded. "I hope you're wrong, though." Billy shrugged, and slung an arm around my shoulders. "Me too." As I looked into his face, his expression twisted. "Oh God, I forgot," he muttered. "Ben's here."<p>

* * *

><p>I followed Billy as we hurried down the hallway back to the dressing room where Ben was waiting. I twisting my hands in anguish and tried to figure out what I was going to tell him. Part of me was surprised he'd come all this way just for me, but part of me knew of course he would…after all, despite all our bantering and bickering, he was fiercely devoted to protecting me. I knew he'd probably blame Billy for at least part of this mess, and for that I felt a pang of guilt. But then, I knew I wouldn't have been able to keep Billy out of this if I tried. <em>Does saving my job always have to involve hurting the people I love?<em>

Billy grabbed the door knob, then turned to me. "Whatever happens, you let me do the talking, ok?"He nervously swiped a kerchief across the beads of sweat forming on his forehead. I gulped and nodded, and we went in.

Ben sprang up from the couch where he'd been sitting, and before I could say anything I was caught up in his strong embrace. "Jane," he whispered, and as he pulled back I could see all the worry and pain and guilt in his eyes and no trace of anger. "I…let you down, and I'm so…I'm so sorry, Ben." He stared at me for a long time, and I was aware of Billy shifting uncomfortably behind me, wanting to say something but unsure of how to start. Ben looked past me. "And you?"

Billy held up his hands. "I stayed true to my word. Kept her safe. Do wish I'd told you though…sorry about that." Underneath his casual manner, I could tell he was dead serious. Ben nodded. "Me too. And I'm assuming you guys stayed somewhere last night?" I nodded. "We stayed at a hotel." Ben narrowed his eyes. "You slept alone, I hope?" I hesitated. "Well, yes, _technically…" _"Don't worry, I didn't touch her," Billy cut in earnestly. Ben sighed and massaged his face with his hands. "Give us a minute?" Billy bit his lip and bowed out of the room.

Ben and I sat down on the couch together. He didn't say anything.

"Are you mad?" I asked timidly taking his hand in mine.

He shook his head.

"Disappointed?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

I waited.

"…but only because you didn't tell me. Janey, I thought we'd agreed that you were going to be upfront about everything!"

"I know….I _am_ sorry."

"I believe you, but seriously, Jane. This can't keep happening. I had to call in sick today to fly out here."

My cheeks burned. "Well…thanks for coming."

Ben sighed and took my hand. "You knew I would. It's just that…Jane, if you'd only told me, I would've let you come."

I stared at my brother, eyes wide. "Really?"  
>"Sure. I know how much this thing means to you. At least, I know now. I would've supported you, Janey. I'm on your side. I mean, sure, the timing wasn't the greatest and I'm not too happy you had to miss school for this, but ultimately I get why you thought you had to come."<p>

"Well, if I'd known _that—"_

"_You had only to talk to me, first_."

I looked down. "Great….now I feel stupid."

"You're not stupid, Jane. Just…young. You still have a lot of growing up to do, but let me just say that you are… way more mature than when you started this job."

I smiled half-heartedly. "Um, thanks?"  
>He grinned. "I mean it."<p>

"So, what now?" I said, getting up and smoothing my skirt. Ben also stood, and I tried not to get distracted by his wildly atrocious tie.

"Well, she's giving you another chance, right?"  
>I nodded, slowly letting that realization sink in. "Gray's letting me have another shot," I breathed, unable to restrain the grin that was quickly spreading across my face.<p>

"I'm guessing you'll need to get back to New York for that, then."

"Yeah, well, that would help." I decided not to tell him about Billy's suspicions….best to confirm those with Gray, first.

"Come on, get your stuff together, say your goodbyes. I booked the next flight, and it leaves in half an hour." Ben was moving around now, scooping up all the free swag gifts and snacks off the coffee table into my purse.

"Might as well, I mean they're free, right?" he explained with a goofy grin. I shook my head. "I'm going to go talk to Gray," I said, slipping out of the room. Billy practically tackled me outside. "What'd he say?" he asked hopefully. I squeezed his hand. "We're good."

"Me too?" He still looked uneasy. I wavered. "You talk to him."

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

"Hey Ben, so are we cool?"

I lingered just inside the door. Ben walked over to me and crossed his arms. "Can I believe you?"  
>"Trust me, Billy. Have I ever let you down?" I tilted my head, realizing the mistake. I held up a hand. "On second thought, don't answer that."<p>

Ben chuckled then sobered up. "As long as you say nothing happened, nothing happened." However, his voice still betrayed some doubt.

I sighed and loosened my tie up. "Look, you and Jane…you're the brother I wish I had. And Jane, well, she's the only one I ever really loved. Sometimes I just get lost looking at her…." My voice trailed off, smiling to myself, now. "But I didn't do anything," I assured him. "And if she ever suggests it, the answer's no. Simple." I gripped his shoulder. "I've waited all these years, a few more won't hurt." Ben nodded, and I could tell with relief that I'd convinced him.

"You're a good kid, Billy. Wish your brother was more like you. Stay that way." I ran a hand through my hair. "I try," I muttered to myself. "You have no idea."

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

"Oh and Jane, there _will _be no morestunts like this, understand?"

"Right, of course. Thanks for everything, Gray, I'll see you in New York."

I hung up, and turned to Billy, who was waiting expectantly. "You were right," I confessed. "How bad is it?" said Ben, twisting around from the front seat. I focused on the floor of the taxi. "Six styled looks for the fall collection," I said under my breath. Billy snorted. "That's _it?" _I gave him a hurt look. "Do you know how long it took to get the spring collection together?"  
>Billy shrugged. "You have more experience now. Plus, it's not like you're making the clothes. All you have to do is put together outfits, right?"<br>"Riiight," I admitted, looking at Ben. "So, can I do it?" Ben and Billy exchanged a glance.

"Sure."

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

(Two weeks Later)

Today was my birthday. Of course, that observation didn't really mean anything, since we never celebrated it. Ben said it was because my mother had left the day I turned three. Though I was too young to remember, Ben did; I could tell it pained him to talk about her so I tried not to bring it up.

But I was too busy now to really think about her or anything else, for that matter. The collection was finally finished, thanks to several late nights pairing together looks, a half a dozen trips to the local goodwill for hipster pieces, and an unending supply of Red Bull, which Billy faithfully delivered each day after school.

And now I was late for my meeting, the one that would pretty much decide the future of my career. As I scurried from the metro station down the street to Donovan Decker, I knew the only way I could get through this was to trust my instinct, and hope for the best.

* * *

><p>Grey and Diaz were waiting for me in the conference room when I finally slid into my seat. Donovan was also present, and I acknowledged him with the usual awkward greeting that seemed to characterize all our encounters.<p>

My phone vibrated in my hand and I picked it up instantly. "Send them in," I told Birdie, and my six models entered the room. "Everyone ready to begin?" I asked, nervously taking my place at the front of the room next to my concept board. Gray nodded, her steely look softened with an encouraging smile. "Show us what you've got."

I took a deep breath, and plunged in. "Trend reports say jewel tones are returning for fall, but I say that our younger demographic wants something new, a bit of prep mixed with a metal edge. So today I present to you the concept of Mixed media madness: a collection inspired by the traditional preppy English looks with a hint of artistic flair that represents teenage individuality."

* * *

><p><strong>Billy<strong>

I slammed the accelerator, enjoying the speed of the motorcycle and the air whipping at my face as I scraped around the corner. I slowed, and parked meticulously outside the apartment. As I bounded up the steps I could hear Tommy and my dad at it again. I opened the door, grabbed Tommy by the arm, and dragged him into the bedroom, slamming the door behind us. "When's he going to leave?" I asked him desperately.

"Not soon enough," Tommy growled through clenched teeth. I placed a restraining hand on his shoulder. "Dude, chill," I said cautiously. "We don't want trouble."

He glowered at me from under his dark eyebrows but we both knew I was right. "Fine," Tommy agreed at last, unclenching his fist. "I'll leave him alone." His face relaxed, and for the first time I noticed the dark rings around his eyes.  
>"You look tired," I sighed, busting open a Red Bull from the sixpack I had brought in. "Wanna get out of here?" Tommy sat down on the edge of the bed and took the can gratefully. "Yeah," he muttered. "I've actually got a gig I'm doing and I need to scram in fifteen. Wanna tag along?" I shook my head vehemently. "Never again."<p>

Tommy eyed me. "Come on," he urged in a patronizing tone. "You don't wanna sit around with that psychopath for the rest of the night, do you?" I grimaced. "Tommy, tagging along with you isn't much better." I grabbed the cigarette he had lighted and crushed it between my fingers. "You said you'd quit," I said, my tone suddenly hard. Tommy chuckled. "And I will. But not while _he's _around. I need something to relieve this stress!" I shook my head, but didn't press him.

"Today's Jane's birthday," I said, getting up. "Ben invited me over for a celebration dinner tonight, and I'm gonna run a few errands on the way." Tommy was digging a small bag of powder from his pocket. "Fine. Suit yourself." I hesitated for a moment, then wrestled the bag from his hand. It hit the floor and burst open, the contents spilling into the carpet.

"What the hell, man!" Tommy leapt up, furious. "I hope for your sake that's just sand," I said quietly. "I won't stand it if you're gonna become another him." I jerked my head towards the ranting coming from the kitchen, then turned and stalked out of the room. I could hear Tommy still fuming. I stopped, then retraced my steps. "Just drop it," I said, pain twisting my words. "If not for the sake of your brother."

* * *

><p><strong>Jane<strong>

I glanced eagerly across the faces, but they all seemed to wear the same mask of indifference. "So, what do you think?" I looked at Gray, who in turn looked to Donovan. He stood up and paced the room, examining the models' looks with an intense glare for detail. "You say this was all your idea?" "Well, it was inspired by Ivy League schools in England and the Princess Diaries movies, as well as a few quirky art studios from San Francisco, but yeah, the idea was all mine." I bit my lip, trying not to ramble too much.

Donovan turned slowly to Gray, his eyes glittering like his silver sharkshin suit. "I'll say it again, Gray," he said in a smooth tone. "You've got a talent on your hands. You'd be a fool to let this one go." Gray beamed. "My thoughts exactly," she replied. "Jane, congratulations on a wonderful collection." I could let myself breathe now. "You really liked it?" Gray nodded. "Hey," Diaz protested. "Doesn't the marketing director's opinion count for anything?"

I looked at him expectantly. "It's…great," he admitted. "All of it will sell, I'm sure."

"So does this mean I get the job?" I asked Gray hopefully. Donovan looked at me with a surprised expression. "You mean to tell me that she hasn't even hired you?" He turned to Gray. "What part of untapped potential don't you understand?" Gray appeared frazzled for a moment in the presence of her superior, and then she threw up her hands helplessly. "You heard the man, Jane. You're hired," she told me.

I waited until I was safely in the privacy of the elevator to let out an excited scream. And as strode through the lobby, I could still hear Donovan lauding the line to Gray as they descended the stairs. "Flatform Mary Janes, with the subtle reference back to 90's grunge—genius!"was the last thing I heard Donovan exclaim as I grabbed my Birken and headed back to school.

* * *

><p>I crashed Ben's sex-ed class to break the news to him, and we held a very quick and undignified happy dance in front of a classroom of twenty already uncomfortable sophomores. Then, I hurried through my honors math class and down the hallway to Billy's locker. But he wasn't there.<p>

At home a delivery was waiting outside. The box was huge, and I ripped it open to find an industrial-sized sewing machine inside, efficient and sleek. "Where did this come from?"  
>Ben grinned. "Billy just dropped it off. It's a present from both of us. Happy Birthday, Janey." He planted a kiss on my head, and I turned and hugged him tight. "Thank you!" I squealed. "But wait, why didn't he come in and deliver it himself?"<br>Ben was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke. "Billy…was is his way to the city police."  
>"Wait, what?" For a second I forgot about my present. "Is everything ok?" He drew me close and gave me a reassuring embrace. "Yeah, he's fine, and so's Tommy, though apparently Billy had to play drug-buster too. Billy's dad wants to turn himself in, I guess. Not sure what happened, but Billy was pretty tight-lipped about it, so I didn't press for details."<br>I nodded sadly. "It's probably for the best. I just wish I could be there with him."

"You know I'm not letting you go down there," Ben said in a firm tone, eying my suspiciously. I smiled. "Don't worry, I won't."

"He said he was going to drop by later." I brightened up at that. "Now," Ben said, rubbing his hands together and regaining his usual enthusiastic composure, "What do you say we go make some cake for tonight?" I glanced at the cake mix on the counter. "Ben, you don't cook!"  
>"Always a first," he said, grinning and sprinting to the kitchen. Laughing, I ran to follow him. "Oh and Ben? I have an idea. Can we stop by Donovan Decker before dinner?"<p>

* * *

><p>I was busily sewing away when Billy finally showed up. "Hey," he greeted me in a slightly subdued tone, and I looked up to see him leaning in the doorway. "Billy!" I said, stumbling out of my chair and into his arms. "How was it?" He nodded solemnly. "It…it was good. He won't be bothering us anymore." I fixed his upturned collar. "I'm sorry it had to turn out like this," I said apologetically. Billy turned my face up with his hand. "Don't be. By the way, your little encounter a few weeks ago actually helped incriminate him." I gulped. "I guess I should've told you about that, hm?" "Well, I bet you didn't know I was recording you. I had a feeling something like this was going to happen sooner or later." I was silent.<p>

"And anyway, let's not talk about it anymore. This is your day, Janey. Enjoy it."

I pursed my lips and beamed. "What?" he said, the familiar grin creeping over his face.

I snatched the scrap of material off the machine, and with great ceremony snipped off the last threads. He came and stood over me. "What's this?" he said, taking it in his hand. "A present," I said simply. I reached around and yanked the kerchief from his back pocket. "Time for a replacement." He squinted as he examined the carefully monogrammed letters embroidered into the kerchief. "This says JB," he muttered. "Jane, you know that JB stands for?" As I knotted the kerchief to his beltloop, he began to count off the names on his fingers. "Justin Beiber, Jonas Brothers, J&B scotch—Tommy's favorite kind—jail bait, jelly beans…." I grinned and looked up at him. "It stands for us." I grabbed his jacket lapels, and, standing on my tip toes, kissed him. He looked surprised, but he didn't pull back. "I love you, Billy Nutter," I confessed, and leaned into his embrace.

"Come on, you two," Ben said from the doorway, and we jumped. "Time to go."

* * *

><p>"So, this is it!" Birdie's chipper tone had never sounded so welcoming. I sunk into the deeply riveted leather tub chair and pursed my lips in delight. The office was quite small, but I was right next door to the closet, and Carter would always be around. On the slim, modern desk sat a vase. Jeremy had sent down a bouquet of roses as a welcome back present, and I blushed deeply as I read the accompanying note.<p>

"Give it," Ben ordered, holding out his hand. Giggling, I shook my head. "It's nothing. Promise." He raised his eyebrows, but made no complaint. Bouncing up, I twirled around the room a bit, taking in the rich pumpkin colored décor, contrasted with the stark white mannequins in a row against the wall, fairly inviting me to layer designer garb onto them. "Now I know why you couldn't wait 'til Monday," Ben said, peering through the floor length window to the busy street below. "This is kinda incredible."

"Hey Jane," Billy said from the floor, "do all the stylists get such fancy rugs?" Billy massaged the shag fur spread covering the floor and I laughed.

"It actually used to be India's office," I said, stroking the tall lacquered cabinet I had once broken into.  
>"Well, it's getting late, and our food is getting cold!" Ben was eager to get going. "What he means is the take out place closes in ten minutes," I whispered to Billy, and we held our heads down in suppressed laugher.<p>

"I'll see you at home, then?" Ben said, grabbing his coat. I recovered and waved him on with a straight face. "Yeah. Thanks for letting us come by."

* * *

><p>Billy and I walked home slowly, hand in hand.<p>

As we passed through the alleys, Billy turned to me. "Remember the last time you were here?" I stopped, rubbing my exposed arms against the chill of the spring evening. "How could I forget?" Billy ran a hand routinely through his hair. "Remember what I told you?" I dipped my head. "Of course."

_(One month earlier, after the CFDA Gala)_

_I remembered stepping out of the limo, feeling utterly dejected. I remembered wandering through these same alleyways, not caring really where I was going. I remembered Billy running after me as it started to sprinkle. I could see his red velvet blazer peeking out from underneath his raincoat. "I thought you might need an escort back," he replied with a wink. I laughed. "You know me too well." He offered me his arm, and I took it gratefully, trying not to shiver. Without a word, he slipped off his coat and draped it over my shoulders. "Thanks," I smiled gratefully.  
>"So, is this another one of your looks?" I examined his slicked back hair dubiously. He grinned. "Nah. Just me cleaned up." "I like it," I decided, straightening his wonky bow tie. "Somehow, it suits you."<em>

"_Hey," he said suddenly. "You wanna dance?" We were standing in an ally way, just a few blocks from home. I shrugged. "Sure." I tenatively clasped my arms around his neck. With ease he wrapped a hand around my waist, pulling me close. I raised my eyebrows. "I didn't know you danced!" In answer, he twirled me under and back. "Suprise," he whispered, his breath heavy on my ear. With one hand he pulled his earbuds from the pocket of his jacket. He brushed my hair back, nestling one side into my ear, and I sighed happily as the music penetrated the moment. We slowly rocked in a circle, absorbing the heartrendered melody of Secondhand Serenade's 'Fall for you'. _

"_I'm sorry I couldn't make it today," I said at last. _

"_Know what, you didn't miss much," Billy assured me. "Prom is overrated."_

_He twirled me again. "So, how was the party?" "Gala," I corrected him. "And I'm sure it was fine….but I wouldn't know." _

_He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"  
>I sighed. "They didn't let me in." <em>

"_You're kidding…"_

"_Sadly, no."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I had to show my ID. And apparently, you can't be underage at these things."_

"_You could've called me."_

"_I know."_

"_So why didn't you?"_

"_I knew how much you were looking forward to tonight."_

"_Janey, any party without you is missing something, you know that." _

_I nodded. "I know now." He dipped me slowly. "I'm always here."_

"_You are."_

* * *

><p>"So much has changed," Billy observed, as he turned and walked backwards. I studied his jaunty features in the waning light. "Well," I reflected. "I lost the job, but gained a better one, and it's legal! And Gray doesn't hate me, Donovan <em>liked <em>my designs, today I've got a new machine, and school only lasts another year so the torture does end!"

Billy made a face.

"What?"

"I meant, in a bigger sense. Those are things that _happened. _But _you, _Jane. You've changed."

"Gonna get philosophical?"  
>"You know you like it."<p>

"That's…true."

"I mean, like, you're no longer the jellyfish you were three months ago. You're not letting others push you around anymore. This job has given you a backbone, a broader outlook, a voice… " he trailed off.

I weighed his words. "I guess you're right," I admitted, "But you changed too. And as much as I hated it when you went away, I'm glad you did."  
>"And why is that?"<br>"Let's just say you're more mature now."

"Fine. But aren't you missing something?"

"What?"

Billy only grinned.

"This last year's gonna fly by, before you know it, Janey," he said, changing the subject.

"I'm sure it will. But we've got each other. That's all that matters." I could see the house now, see the light from the kitchen window as we strode up the sidewalk. Outside the door he held up my hand and kissed it gently, and somehow it was a hundred times better then when Jeremy had ever touched me.

In the quiet night my phone rang, and I slid it out of my pocket.

"Hello?" My heart froze. The person on the other end was talking, a woman speaking, a breathless stream of words, agitated, familiar….Watching me, Billy knew something was up. "Who is it, Janey?" he whispered. I turned to him with a mixture of excitement and trepidation in my eyes. My voice was hardly more than a whisper. "It's her, Billy. It's… _mom_."

~The End~


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